scared to death.

Hi, i'm 20 years old, 21 in December and i'm literally scared to death of my JRA, it's okay to be scared, right? I was diagnosed when i was only one years old. I went through it till i was about three. I went into remission ( bless the heavens) and have been running from it ever since, until now.
i am scared to death because i noticed more pains then I've had before. More stiffness. more and more sore joints, sore to the touch. i have bunions. FRICKING bunions.I've never worn heals in my whole life. my hands hurt so bad. every day. every time i stand up i'm stiff, even more so in the morning.
I now have TMJ in my jaw, which can be caused by RA. I've had to flare up's of pleurisy, which RA can cause. And that's what the doctors said caused those. I have muscle craps and all.
I wanna be told it's okay. that my future is perfect, pain free. that i can plan it worry free. to be able to have kids and play with them, with no pain. to tie their shoes. and zip their coats. to do the same for my future grand kids. to bake them cookies. to kiss their boo boo's.
i don't want to sleep all day. and be crippled. i want to have a choice. to be able to have a LIFE. anytime i think about it i cry. i am SCARED TO DEATH.
so please any info. or experiences with this will help. tell me what you go through. what you went through. what you are going through.

im mostly just taking ibprophen
i have a doctor that still sees me at the shriners hospital in Spokane WA
but guilty admit i haven't gone in a year. im to scared to go. to scared to be putting drugs in my body that might wear off before i REALLY need them :/
and it makes me feel horrible because i know people have it worse, like you. but i have no one to really talk to. who under stands
who knows my fear.
i also have thyroid issues too. which don't help one bit. :/

Get to the rheumy and start protecting those joints. The more aggressively you treat the better you stand.
I also see a therapist to help deal with stress and fears.

I'm glad you're going to a doctor. Just remember that doing nothing is the worst thing you can do. Dr. Google makes the meds sound scary, but serious side effects are very rare.

Check in and let us know how you're doing. We're all in this together.

Hey, getting older isn't so bad. I'm more than twice your age and I still act like a kid some days. I don't feel my age inside, it's the outside that's getting old. ;-)

I was exactly in your spot just a few months ago. My hands hurt so bad, I couldn't do anything, couldn't sleep. It was miserable and I thought it'd never get better. I'm 23 and been having problems off and on since high school but finally had enough consistent pain to get a diagnosis (sero-negative) and medications. The diagnosis is scary, sure, but its also such a relief to have treatment finally! I feel so much better, little pain, and much more energy. Definitely get to a doctor and get some medication. I started on plaquenil. Once the pain and joint damage is under control, it won't look so scary anymore.