I WANNA DIE! I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO GO AWAY!

I have had Psoriatic Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was 16.
Now I'm 29 and within the last 13 years I have been on 14 different drugs.
This year (2010) I'm going to be started on this new drug, SIMPONI.

I just know that it isn't going to work.
Or it will work for about 6-7 months and then it will go kaput!
That seems to be my track record for my treatments.
Same thing happened with Celebrex, Vioxx, Arthrotec, Aleve, Relafen,
regimented Motrin, Methotrexate, Sulfasalazine, Enbrel, and Humira.
The only treatment that didn't cause me problems of not working was Remicade.
The bad thing about Remicade was that during infusion #14 I went into a state of anaphylaxis.

I also have a bunch of other problems.
I have had 4 mini strokes.
My first was in late 2004 when I was 24 going on 25.
The second and third were just TIA's.
And the fourth was just a panic attack.

I don't want to start some new medication.
I'm only 29 and I'm already sick and tired of everything.
I don't want to see more specialists and I hate having my blood drawn every 2-3 months.
I hate taking drugs that damage my liver more and more, but don't help with the arthritis.
I hate that I am the unhealthiest person in my family.
The only person that tries to understand my disease is my fiancee!

I JUST DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE ARTHRITIC BULL ANYMORE!!!

Hi Penelope, you sure sound sick of it all. Maybe its time to see a pain management psychologist, get the pain under control and suddenly you can cope better with the unfairness of it all.

We all go through the why me stage. It helps short term but you can't give up, none of us can. I still live in hope for that miracle cure, I guess I'm trying to go side ways at the moment. I'm going to try accupuncture to see if that can relieve some of my pain without taking more meds.

I also found hydro therapy helped me. Sort of PT under water, I'd lost alot of strength without reaising and the exercises helped me strengthen my muscles and relieved some of my symptoms. Unfortunately for some of us there is no med that works, it becomes a case of trying to manage the condition so we can live the fullest life possible with it.

I'm sorry you're so down. I've also seen a psychologist about dealing with the pain and the depression that comes with it, I tried anti depressants too but found they weren't for me, but it snapped my thinking out of a black hole. Maybe you've reached that stage and need help to just deal with everything. Having RA is not easy, go and talk to your local doctor about how you're feeling, they may have some suggestions that could help you.

But I hear you, come and rant anytime, believe me we've all been there and being here helps alot. Sharing your frustrations, knowing theres others out there helps alot. You're still young enough to have that energy to keep fighting, give yourself a break, be kind to yourself, have a pamper session, then go see a doc and get all your frustrations out.

Best of luck, big healing hugs, golitho

Hi there,
Just wanted to chime in to say I also feel your pain and understand the negative feelings as far as drugs working goes as I am like teddybearweiser and also suffer with crohns disease and have done for the past 21 years my crohns became so severe that I had to have and ileostomy then came the RA we tried every drug in the book for my crohns and since I am a new ostomate and new RA sufferer I wonder when the drugs are gonna kick in for me as well as they never did for the crohns. I am also seeing a pychologist to help me deal with my changes to my body the pain etc. Everything feels so overwelming and at times feels helpless, but hang in there it has to get better. We are all here for each other and know exactly how u are feeling, vent away and take care of you. Im also gonna start hydro therapy soon so hopefully that will ease some pain
Doreen