RA depression

I always hate to complain because I suffer so much less than many of the people who post here. I really have a lot to feel grateful for. I never miss a day from work and although I have pain it's not the kind that keeps me from sleeping or limits me too much. I mean I can remember when I couldn't comb my hair or putting contact lenses in was quite a feat.

But I am soooooo tired of having a chronic disease. I am tired of the daily fatigue and bearable pain.  I don't like being on MTX. Which I am not on right now but the doctor doesn't know how long it's been. I am tired of how the MTX restricts my old life style. I am tired of my rheumatologist. I am tired of my husband. I am tired of my job and everyone work with. I guess I'm getting a little off topic now but I'm just plain tired.

Hi Weary

So very odd that I should find this post from you this morning... I was just about to google RA & depression because I've been feeling so very down this week myself.

I, too, feel I should not complain. I don't post on here very often because I don't feel I suffer as much as most on this forum however, like most, I have my good days and my bad days. I am lucky. I have a husband who thinks nothing of getting up early on the days when I feel horrible (which has been more often than not lately) BUT he doesn't really understand. Not really. Not to him, not to anyone. So I tend not to say anything because when I do mention something I often get the "oh yeah, I felt like that the other day". I feel like screaming, "NO YOU DIDN'T!!" But there's no use because, unless they've lived it, how could they possibly understand?

I think that's a very tiring thing in itself, lack of understanding. And isolating.

I've spent quite a few moments this week on my own in tears. I had thought I got that out of my system (been through the denial, anger and sadness ride) but there I was, all alone, wishing I could just ... disappear...

I agree with mama, is there any way you can just "get away from it all" for a short while? So you can breathe and relax?? I know, easier said than done. I have three boys myself so "getting away" seems like a far distant dream, but maybe fighting for a few days' break is better than experiencing a few months' of utter sadness?

I love this place! Thanks so much for your kind words and commiseration!

I have one more day of the week to get thru work, in laws coming tomorrow to celebrate son's birthday and then Saturday is my dreaded Rheumatologist appt....... Not looking forward to that at all. Discussing the elevated liver enzymes, etc...
Wish I had something fun to do this weekend but I don't. Had a pedicure last weekend so can't do that.

Eh- by tomorrow maybe this funk will lift. I try not to pity myself for too long.

Hey there Weary. You may try this for a little break from reality. If you have an MP3 player or something you can play your favorite music on just hop in a tub of really warm water and try to get comfy (not easy in a tub!) and just lose yourself in the music. Might be a good theraputic refresher for ya!
I hope it helps!
Here is a joke for you!
Billy Bob The Blonde Farmer
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, Billy Bob performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, he lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tobacco juice stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the snot out of me!" exclaims Billy Bob. Then, obviously embarrassed, he says, "Me and the old lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
(attract her Get It!)

Heehee- thanks for the laugh!