When people just don't care & make living with disease even worse

 Ya know...i never should have answered my telephone.  for all of you who have been here a long while, my father (if one can call him that) is a real ****!  long story short, he doesn't care about or what happens to his daughter...cut me from my insurance....helps with nothing (and is quite wealthy).....and just really is a terrible person. (neglectful/abusive/alcoholic/). been out of the picture since a teenager, but we talk occasionally.

in the car going up to my honey's for the weekend...actually HAPPY and excited for once & feeling decent.

my father calls. not much of a conversation."Happy Birthday"....thanks, blah blah,blah.

now...he knows i am not working and am sick (to what extent does he fathom or comprehend i don't know).

he actually had the nerve to insult me on my birthday.

in quote:   "Oh so how have you been doing?"

           ...."not so good, it's really hard, in a lot of pain, and the Crohns has been really bad and i'm going in for a few tests next week, and in bed most of the time..."

                "So what are you doing with your weeks?"

            .....and i'm like WTF?  i'm not on vacation here! i'm friggin' sick all da** day!...

he says:

"Well I figured since you're not working and not doing anything and just bumming around all the time you should come work down at the office from 9 to 3 a few days a week."

 

 

just bumming around?  my gut dropped to my feet when i heard that.  i cried for 2 days. it was s o hurtful and insulting and made me feel like a piece of ****.  i was so upset.

really has no clue!  i can hardly shower and dress myself, am on the toilet all day, and exhausted from it...and in tremendous pain on top.

i'm trained for a freaking PROFESSION!  i have a degree!!!!  if i COULD WORK i sure as H** wouldn't be there!

but then again...after i was hospitalized a few times for complications from all this...his replies were : to take vitamins and make yourself better.

my boyfriend was fit to be tied. 

i don't think i wil ever answer a call from him again.

 

how can someone do that?  i should have known better, nothing ever positive comes from speaking with him..only insult & makes you feel bad about yourself.

 

so i figured i would share this.  i'm sure someone out there might stumble upon this who might just be going through the same thing.  guess i finally learned, just cut them out of your life.

this is a person who's never been ill...is selfish....ignorant....and spends most time cruising around the world on expensive vacations and cruises.

 

and his daughter is on foodstamps and had to get Medicaid? i wonder what he tells people that ask about me?

 

and that's that.

thanks for listening.

i have a wonderful mate who stuck by me the whole time, and if i had the nerve i would have gave that A** the ripe words that my boyfriend had to say.

 

what a shame.

hey elcamino,

 

lousy is right!  you said it.  but people never change, and i'm such a softy that i keep giving the benefit of the doubt.

he's pretty much always been a "don't want to hear nothing, don't want to see nothing, don't want to talk about anything important" type. 

he has been very degrading during my whole ordeal.  starting @ age 19 when i first started having to go to doctors.  no help at all....would hand over money, but that's it.

 

i never asked for anything from him.  paid my way my whole life.

not even a "congratulations" when i graduated college!..i got a "so when are you going to work?"  i got this the day after a colonoscopy! and hospitalized for dehydration.   had to stop working in May.  not my fault.  i worked till i collapsed.

 

he doesn't get it, that i don't have something you can get rid of, cut out, or take a pill to make go away.

 

he does this to his own mother, who may have spinal cancer and has CHF and is in bad health...he doesn't care....period...walks away. would rather you be dead because it would be one less hassle.

 

it's sad, and i'm sorry there are people out there like that.

he's really like an aquantance...not a relative or father.  talk to him maybe once every 3 to 7 weeks.

 

i wear my heart on my sleeve, my boyfriend said i should have just let it roll off my shoulder because what he says doesn't matter because he's a piece of ****!...but to have someone call going through hell everyday, sick, in pain, in very bad condition, emmaciated, and deteriorating...JUST BUMMING AROUND....i pretty much say that was the final conversation.

 

learning to get a tough skin.

thanks elcamino,

erin

Hi Erin,

not that this will make it much better, but perhaps your father simply isn't capable of dealing with your illness, or his mother's illness for that matter.  I know people like this; the easiest way for them to deal with it is NOT to deal with it.  They come across to others as very callous and discompassionate, and yes, downright selfish.  My father was like this somewhat when my mother was so ill.  She had mixed connective tissue disease that had her struggling through ICUs my entire life.  My father had a very difficult time dealing with it, so he didn't.  He simply pretended that everything was normal and that she could and should do everything that she always did.  Was it selfish?  Yes!  I'm sure that it hurt my mother terribly at times.  I believe they both worked it all out before she passed away, but jeez, he sure didn't make it very easy for her. 

I feel so fortunate and blessed that I have such a supportive and understanding husband.  It sounds like your boyfriend is also very encouraging and supportive.  Always try to surround yourself with supportive types.  With everything on your plate, you've got quite a heavy load.

Elcamino

yeah, you're all right.  i don't know...if i were him, i'de be kissing MY butt!  i mean, he's getting older...who does he think is going to take care of him? and he's a nurse as a daugher? i don't understand.  so yeah, he'll be one lonely person.

my boyfriend thinks i should have stopped speaking to him a few months ago whe he pulled another stunt that left me in tears for 3 days.

you know...i always had so much pride and was a go-go-go person, an overachiever, and bad enough i feel like a failure most of the time because "this" i can't make go away & can't take care of myself....to have a self-absorbed selfish ba**ard say something like that...

he'll get his.  and it's not my nature to say something like that, but my life is all about trying to please and help and matter to other people & hopefully make someone's life better...and a person like that should never have to hear this.

he probably doesn't want to give my mother alimoney anymore, or something. i mean, he gives me nothing so i don't know why he's doing this to me.

he's a bad person. manipulative and just really makes you feel terrible.

oh man, hah!...if i were a kid....oh we used to really get em', my friends and i....when we were like 12. he'd do something like come home drunk & go after me or my mother or wreck something....at night my friends would come and take a leak and a pooh in his gas tank! and on the windshield too! and it would freeze! it was so gross..but deserving. oh those were the days! hah!....maybe me & my honey will go pull some pranks this weekend.  get some toilet paper and eggs! ah geez...thanks guys. for everything.

with love,

erin

Ok, I read this post yesterday, and to tell you the truth, I got mad So I decided to wait to post and let my emotions subside before I wrote anything, but you know what?  I'm still pissed !  What would possess a person to do this to their child?  All I can say is, Erin, you are better off.  Take Joe's advice and wash your hands of him.  He'll always be your father, but you don't have to put up with that.  No one does.  We've all said it, it will come back to him 10 fold.  All his negativity and negative energy will manifest in him somewhere and down the road, he will get what is coming to him, and the sad part is, he'll finally know what you are going through, but it will probably be too late.  You can only take so much before you shut him out.  But don't let these feelings towards him manifest in you, it will make them worse.  I know this is easier said than done, but you've got to just say to yoursef, "He's an @$$ and nothing I do is ever gonna change that.  He's not gonna be there for me, never has and never will.  That's just who he is."  And let it go.  Don't let his negativity spread to you.  You are a wonderful, beautfiul strong woman that has her whole life a head of her.  You've got a SUPERB man, a promising career, and all of us as your friends.     Yeah, your career may be on hold right now, but it will come back.. All good things come back to you, and with all the stuff that you do to help people and support people, you'll be golden, you are just going through a bad spell.  Stay positive, don't let him bring you down.  You are above that and him!

As you know, you've got a good man in Joe.  Your mom is there for you too.  And of course, you've got us.  Who needs a crappy dad like that when you have all of us here? We will continue to stand by you and support you in any way we can.  If you ever need anything, we are here for you.  Day or night, rain or shine...

Love you girl - Stay strong - and show him what you are really made of!

Duck

Maybe he'll get Gono-Sypha-Herpe-LAIDS -    hee hee hee... You should find out where he is staying and send him a Strip-O-Gram, but have it be a dude instead of a chick... LOL LOL LOL... oh, hell, give me his name, I'll find out and do it myself, that would be tooooooo funny!

that's right.  i am feeling better mentally/emotionally now that i have spoken up for myself & took a stand.

it's a hard thing to do. because as an adult...i keep thinking, "well i don't know what he's going through or whatever"....but this is and i finally realized complete verbal abuse and only makes any stress triggerred symtpoms worse.  and being as bad a condition i am...i do my best every day to make myself stay happy, positive, and optimistic.  and to have someone constantly insult you and make you feel like sh** is a sin.  i have a lot of respect for myself...but unfortunatley a small mouth, and don't give a piece of my mind to him when i should (but this is something that probably goes back 20 years ago already)!  but i have better things in my life to worry about...he can go stick a sharp stick up his A**! LOL.

i have strong ripe words for when he calls.  i didn't answer the phone today!  hah! perhaps i'll change my number. or let Joe pick it up! even better, he'll get all mafioso on em'! pull a Tony Soprano! hah LOL.

oh Ducky i don't know....what's the most expensive hotel in Vegas? ...that's the one he'll be at.

what an ordeal....glad that i have you all to help me through this.  and CHEERS to all the good fathers out there doing a GREAT JOB!

Happy belated Birthday, Erin!!!!!! :)) You have to write your Dad off for all practical purposes. Already, I kinda know your nature. It is one of loving and caring and concern for others. Don't hurt yourself by being rude to him. Just be prepared that when the odd occasion comes up that you have to speak to him, that he is going to hurt your feelings. I see he does not understand your condition and has never been there to support you in any way. Sure, you can hang up on him next time, but that would hurt you worse than him. You know what to expect from him. I guess he called you up for your birthday just to smooth over his guilt feelings. I guess in his thinking that was a big deal.... OH Oh, I called my daughter for her birthday! blah blah Missie, I feel for you, not having a real mom ever. You both need support from your parents, but you are not going to get it ---not any kind of support.... monitary (which would help heaps) or spiritually support and understanding and love through battling with your diseases. I met a guy here who has a millionaire for a mom. He doesn't even have bread for the weekend. He has $0 to his name. I sent him the little money I have in PayPal... but that takes a few days to get in his bank. He left to go try to sell his bike. He gets a small check. He hasn't been able to work for a while now. It is too difficult to understand these parents. I wouldn't help my kid that just did drugs and wouldn't work, etc., but if my child had a medical condition, I definitely would do all that I could to help. I am not calling either one of your parents names, but as a human parent neither one is fit. Coming from such loving parents, a dad who passed away 15 years ago and a mom who passed away one year ago tomorrow, I just can not express how pitiful your parents sound to me. Missie, it sounds like you have written your mom off. No one can blame you. You needed to do that very much so. Erin, when your father calls again, go ahead and speak to him, but don't listen to crap. Tell him that he knows fully well how ill you are, what you have been through and are going through now and to quit playing ignorant to the facts. You need to say that he has not supported you in understanding, love, or financial help. Tell him off in a nice voice. Maybe he won't call back ever ever again, but for yourself, I think you need to say that to him. It is not right that you get these unloving and unsupportive calls when you have had to write him off. Hugsssss y'all. LeeLee

Thank you Layne,

 

In many ways, my friends are more my family!  Luckily, my father is very distant from me, so it's not like I have to see him like ever. Which is sad because honestly...he's everyones "best buddy" & I'm sure one heck of a bar partner, but really had no business ever getting married or having children in the first place...one of those, we all know the kind.

 

Haven't spoke with him since then. 

I'm fine. With the way my health has been the past 3 weeks I really think it's good that he not upset me.  Why have someone whose only use is to torment you?

 

I was bullied in grammer school....I won't tolerate it as an adult.

I think you're right in staying away from those who are what i like to call "toxic".

 

The best to you, how are you feeling?

hey Curley,

oh no, don't get me wrong...he knows it's real & he knows what i have. it's just he's niave to what RA and Crohns is and to the extent of my disibility & what i'm able to do.

 

he's never been sick (beside some melanoma removed) & he thinks disease is simple to get rid of..."either cut it out, or take a vitamin" basically.  but sorry, ya know? i can't surgical remove RA & it's complications. he's a bull and i suppose when he's dealing w/ a disibility he'll think twice about what he's done & said to me.

his girlfriend just went through having BONE CANCER! believe that? & last i heard they all went partying down at a casino...so obviously she's doing better than i am.  i wonder if he was nasty to her. but hey...she had something they could actually "cut out" and get rid of.

his mother who is 79 developed a very bad case of RA this past year. so maybe him seeing her struggle will orient his reality some more.

 

thanks for listening,

erin

Hi Curley,

Oh no, no...I didn't take you the wrong way. So sorry you have idiots like that in your family as well.

So here's something else that will make your skin crawl....ready?  He took off to Vegas to go play poker with one of his buddies 2 weeks ago.  Most likely 1st class flight, good hotel too.  Just for the weekend to gamble & party & drink.  Gee, must be the good life.

Haven't heard from him since geesh, when I first wrote this!  So about a month.

I have a rheummy appointment tomorrow; I really wanna ask him to chuck over the $75 and $40 more so I can take a car there & home.  Betcha he hit it big too in Vegas.

 

Yeah, I believe in karma.  I'm a good person I know that & so many good things & opprtunities always happen for me, so I know it's true...but for the bad folks!...he ought to watch out and good too...what goes around comes around and he's not doing such nice things to people, so I am sure he will get his one day.

 

In all, I am happier knowing that I have chosen NOT to talk to him anymore. Less stressful alltogether it seems. No upsets, or feeling bad about myself.  I do wear my heart on my sleeve, and even when people who I really should not care about make me feel badly...I do take it to heart. But my father is the only one in my entire life that has done that...so in that I'm lucky.  It's everybody else that matters right?! And it sure seems that all my important people that matter...are very happy.

 

You take care, erin