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dealing with families understanding our illness

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Posted 6/15/2007 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Mom.. I just don't know what to say.. How long have you and your hubby been together? Maybe he's having a "mid-life crisis"? What does he think of your kids? And them calling him dad? Does that not tug at his heart strings? Hang in there Mom.. we're here for ya..
Posted 6/16/2007 2:10 AM (GMT 0)
hey mommyto3

 

so you don't want your girl calling your hubby "dad"?  i'm not exactly questiojijg your reasoning for it...but when i read that she calls him that, i thought "awe, that's really nice...she must think of him like that."

or does her calling him dad just make things...well, worse? kinda like what you're talking about with him & "his own" children.

 

yikes...yeah this is weird.  it's like ya said, it's not something NEW ya know!  it's been a really long time.

i wonder if his "nesting clock" is just going off now?!? confused

 

my hunny of 4 years, Joe, is 53...so there is a very lengthy age difference between us.  and the 1st year together we had a "scuffle" about "family" {he passed a comment basically giving me the impression that he never wants children of his own} and long story short he just blurted out...

"I never even had the thought of ever having kids"

and this comment had followed: "I never thought I'd find anyone to settle down with!" 

so i dunno...he could freakin' turn around at 60 and say "hey let's get hoppin'!"

 

hmm...i guess i'm just trying to say i hear ya. 

childbearing and men are a complex situation sometimes.

 

but from what you said...his PhD?  it sounds as though he wants something BIG to happen that surrounds & involves him for the most part.  sounds like he's looking for a milestone!

keep talking to each other.

hang in there girl.

:-)  erin

Posted 6/16/2007 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys...hubby has gone to the grocery store for cat food. It's been a long day, I did go to lunch with a friend, but didn't discuss my issues at hand, it was nice for a few hours to not think about it if thats possible. Thank you Ducky:) How are YOU? As Erin mentioned...yes he has a Masters at this point in organic chemistry of all things and he is now considering going for his Ph.D. When I met him, he was in grad school...When I arrived home, he told me he knows we will never have children of our own and he needs to come to terms with this and move on, but it is difficult. *sigh*.

Yes, I think he is wanting something to happen...and I am trying to put myself in his place of how I would feel if I did not have children. No, he loves the kiddo's and my daughter (and sons) and they love him.

Yes, his nesting clock is ticking and I think the alarm is now sounding!!! I guess men have them too! who would have thought eh?

We are a bit quiet, still talking and he said if he had to do it all over again, he would still marry me. I really think we are truly nuts. Erin, you made me smile at the thought of your Joe at 60, but there are men who are fathers at that age you know!! It happens:) Guys never get TOO old it seems, just us ladies.
Posted 6/16/2007 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
yeah...60 he'll be.
at a wedding last friday night Joe's boss asked "So when's yours?"
and Joe said...."in 2030"
oy!

he wants children oh yeah...only if it can pop out old enough to play baseball with him.

<rolling of the eyes>

i'm beginning to think he's under the impression he's Hugh Heffner.

that's it...i'm going to bed.
be good all you crazy arthritics.
Posted 6/17/2007 2:06 PM (GMT 0)
I understand were you are coming from I guess it I always say out of site out of mined as hard as it is for us to get throught our day to day challenges and Our emotions it not easy for them but it is hard when we do not have Our Support from or families and friends.
I no Couse I through it day by day as well we will have to put in god's hands Eaiser said thay done I know.
hang in there I am tring just as hard to you find your self alone or lonley I do and it not eaisy
:-)
gumbee
Posted 6/18/2007 7:46 PM (GMT 0)

OMG.  You've started a vent thread and I'm in a good mood, wouldn't ya know.  Just kidding.  Good idea, Yallin Girl.  My kids are the worst when it comes to trying to "guilt" me into feeling better.  You guessed it, Babysitting.  I've gotten a little tougher when it comes to that.  If I can't, I can't.  Hubby is being especially tender and understanding at this point.  Could it be the irrational, sobbing breakdowns I've been having?  My frustration level is at an all time high and it's almost amusing to watch him these days trailing me to make sure I don't try something foolish like try to open a pickle jar.  He has even sought outside help from his best friend (psych doc) trying to understand the limitations, physical and emotional, of RA.  I have to hand it to him.  He's being a real help to me (only took 34 years ARRRRRGGGGHHHH). 

I'm having a very strange-looking-feeling lump on my breast looked at today.  Say a prayer.  Boo

Posted 6/18/2007 10:23 PM (GMT 0)
boo get it checked!!!!!!! let us know ur in my prayers.

welcome gumbee, i cant help but sing the theme song when i read ur name. i use to watch gumbee all the time. and his pony pal pokie too...
Posted 6/19/2007 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there,
First thing, Boo....certainly am praying for you, please let us know how you are doing!!!
about the guilt thing, need some helping coping with another kind..my mom's. She is the sweetest, kindest woman on earth, love her dearly. This weekend she made me feel so badly, just cried. My younger brother and sister, and myself, out of a family of 7 kids are the ones with health issues. My brother and I have the AI stuff. Anyway, Mom said that she felt guilty that we were ill, wondered if she perhaps her age when she was pregnant, etc, was part of the reason we had gotten this. She apologized that she had passed this on to us.Mom is 79, and like I said the dearest lady, I could'nt stand for her to think that this was somehow her fault.
I felt the same exact way about our youngest son. When he was 2, he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. and I went through that guilt thing. Felt that as a mother, my "job" whenI gave birth to him was to give him a healthy body, and I had failed at that. Even though I know how silly it sounds, couldn't help it at the time. Blamed myself that he was sick.Kind of crazy, huh?
Anyway, just didn't know how on earth to handle it when the same thing came from my mom. Now I don't think I want to talk to her about how I'm feeling, if I'm having a bad day, etc., because I don't want her to feel worse. Thanks for letting me unload!!
Jody
Posted 6/19/2007 9:28 AM (GMT 0)
cool  Got it taken care of.  Skin cancer, not melanoma, Thank God.  It's gone.  Those little stinkers sure grow fast.  Will hear from pathology in a few days.  Whew!  Thanks to you all for being concerned and sending your thoughts and prayers.  I love you guys.  Boo
Posted 6/19/2007 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Who has skin cancer???????????????? Booooooo?????????????? What????????? I am not quite awake this morning but just read you have/had skin cancer but it is gone???? Are you okay???? (((((((Hugs))))))))))
Posted 6/19/2007 7:20 PM (GMT 0)
hey Boo...great job getting that little booger taken off! a relative of mine constantly gets those skin cancers...usually on his face. the doc removes it right there in the office.
be careful in that sun dangit!!!!!!!
Posted 6/20/2007 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
How are you feelin momma3? Just for once you look after #1 and make you the centre of all your decisions. Sorry I have been away notignorng you. I am still concerned at hub's attitude re IVF and/or alternatives. You know my views on the issue and Ih ope that hubby can see that to go through with what he would like to happen can have seriuos health issues for you and does he really want that to be the case. Is it some sort of md life crisis? I had one of those once - it was called a partner's pregnancy.
Boo, glad to hear all is well on the skin front, have em off is what I say!!!!!!! No Yaly, not have it off!!!

Hi erin - hope you are well while I am here.
It's late, g'night all

The Bear
Posted 6/21/2007 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
mom just caught up reading some of the threads, been away a bit..... i really dont have any comment to make other then i hope this baby thing works out one way or the other. me i could never do it again...... just the energy and strain on my body .... no way. maybe bringing in your rhuemmy to the equation and getting medical intervention and advice might help you both understand what this physically would be on your body and that might make it a fair playing field not full of wants or not wants but facts and truths. just a suggestion. of course i would talk with md to make certain he agreed with u first lol! then bring in hubby.
Posted 6/21/2007 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
It's all taken care of, mom. I'm fine. Just a tiny little dot where it used to be. I have been one of those sun worshipers all my life. tisk tisk.
Had one of those days today and if I were a drinking woman I'd be typing nonsense right now. Hot and muggy in the shop, employees that don't know come here from sick'em, blah, blah, blah.....
Looked at a new nursing home here in town for my mother-in-law. Very nice place but as the handwriting on the wall indicates, I can tell when something is about to be dumped in my lap. She's been about an hour from here, near her daughter but needs 'round the clock care now, so, "Hey, let's take her back to Shawnee. Becky will do it".
Sorry. Just down tonight and can't seem to reach the life preserver. Boo
Posted 6/21/2007 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys.. so glad this thread is still going.. :) :) :).. Momto3, how are you? Yalinda? Erin? Bear? CaMama? Boo, lordy woman, you gave us a scare.. so glad all is well.. Me? Well, feel like hammered horse $h*t.. but oh well.. just tired of it ALL... one of those days, I know what you are going through Boo, I really do.. hope all of you are well..
Posted 6/21/2007 1:36 PM (GMT 0)
Boo..Good glad to hear your scare turned out to be something that was easily taken care of.

Yalinda..It's okay, no need to say anything really, I was only venting.

Bear..I do know your feelings on the subject, and I do appreciate your words of kindness and your input..thank you:)

Ducky...I'm hanging in there! I hope you are doing well.

My 15 year old son is the only one here for the week and teen boredom has set in full force, so we are going to go do go carts, and mini golf..other than that not much going on here.

Have a nice day everyone.
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