Mixed up

No problem with rambling. What helps me is to take things one step at a time. The simplest steps are usually the best steps. Long walks help me so much. I am sorry I cannot give any insight as to rage problems at all etc... that is the best I can give.

Hi Wen,
Welcome to Bp forum,what are the signs of nervous breakdown i want to know from you,when so many things are going on in life its tough .You are brave and strong and you can do it.All we need is reassurance and taking it easy sometimes,i know the times can be challenging but a little insight as to why you are so angry might help?talking to doc is good idea.Feel free to vent here ,we are always listening .Keep us posted!!

Good Luck!!!!
yana

Wen...Stay as conscious as you can when the shift is happening...WATCH it as it does....THEN...MANUALLY shut yourself down. What I mean by that is...stop....go to another room, sit...get quiet...watch TV...just stop talking. Explain to anyone around you that you are experiencing a shift. You need some time to get yourself under control inside, then you will be back to deal with what you were doing...and then STEP AWAY. You will have less to feel guilty about and feel better about yourself. OR....go to a room by yourself and SCREAM and HIT A PILLOW as you do this. Get the rage out...then quiet yourself down and BREATHE until you calm down - and do the first suggestion until it passes. Hope this helps as a suggestion. I've seen it work, and whether you are BP or not...I have young CHALLENGING kids...and even mommy needs to do this process once in a while! Hang in there...LFW

Have you tried to up your Lamictal ????
They uped mine to 100mg to control my mood swings..
Just a idea.......Jox

Wen,

I am certainly no expert but keep working on your meds with this issue. Lamictal is a great drug to help, but in addition to that I also take Geodon which helps to control my moods.

I saw a great psychiatrist for years. I really loved him and he did a great job for me. But last year I went off the deep end and was hospitalized. A new doctor in the hospital totally re-vamped my meds and now it is like I am a totally different person. I think having a "fresh" person look at me was really a smart thing.

I agree with the posters above that it is important to try to "control" your anger but frankly, that is difficult for me. It's a lot easier to get on the right meds and not get so angry in the first place.

Just my two cents.

wen,

i can empathise with you.  anger - or, more accurately, rage - been my constant companion since i was found under a rock as a small gargoyle 62 yrs ago.  i can only tell you what usually works for me.

one of the best psychologists that i ever had suggested that i draw pictures of erupting volcanoes.  one particularly bad week-end, i drew over 50 erupting volcanoes.  the entire East Coast, where i was living at the time, was engulfed in hot molten lava.  for me at that time, it felt particularly good.

another thing i do is hit things.  from my own experience i suggest inanimate objects that are relatively soft.  people can get hurt if you hit on them and then there is always the problem of going to jail.  hitting people also makes relationships dicey.  many yrs ago i got so enraged at my ex-wife that i put my fist through a plasterboard wall.  i went right through the 2x4 stud.  i never thought my fist would heal after that one.

punching bags are also useful for hitting.  they don't usually hit back.  although once i got distracted and the bag clipped the back of my head.  geeee that hurt!

as i said, these are the things that i do when my rage gets out of control.  as others have said, you absolutely MUST learn to recognize when you are entering this particular mood.  the scientific method:  describe, predict, control.  you can describe the mood.  you are beginning to predict when it is coming on.  your next step is to control the rage.  it has taken me over half a century.  i know that you are sharper than i can ever hope to be and that, with this support group, you sill be able to do it a lot faster.

hope all of this helps.  the best of luck.

warren

Hi wen,

Okay...I experience a lot of what you go through.  Irritability is really hard to manage, b/c I feel so angry, and it does seem to come out of nowhere and it's extremely hard to control--it actually feels impossible to control.

I think though you've got the right ideas.  Leave the room; calming activities, like colouring is perfect!

Cycling is the pitts--that is what I deal with.  I'm on Lamictal too, and my pdoc is watching me b/c apparently Lamictal could increase cycling too, so that might be something you could ask your pdoc about?  Do you keep a mood chart?  You can get some off the internet--but they are really helpful to see how many times your mood is changing in a day, if you took all your meds that day.  Patterns of episodes etc. 

I have a feeling that for me and my cycling, it probably would take a lot of meds to get it under control, but I'm just not willing to go on a lot, so I'm just trying to deal.  In my bipolar support group, basically we would start our sessions with "where is your mood at today" (low-high) and then "what can you do to bring yourself down/up to stable?"  I ask myself that when I feel a change or any extreme of the mood spectrum..."What can I do to help shift things a bit?"  It's very effective for me.  

I can elaborate more on this if you need me to.  I'm beat, so I have to go to bed now, but I am thinking of you and you are definitely not alone.  ((((hugs)))) 

Hi Wen,

If I could tell you anything that would improve your way of life, it would be to "go to the support group".  I'm agoraphobic as well to a milder degree, and it was tough, but it changed my life.  Keep it in mind, and maybe someday you will be able to do that.  I understand.

My mood chart is set up for one month.  It has 4 levels of high, 4 levels of lows to chose from each day.  At the bottom it has a place for "how many mood changes/day" I fill in each mood I am feeling as the day goes on...it's hard to explain, and I got it from the hospital.  Anyway, it's good you have one. 

I hope you are well today.  I am very depressed, too much stress going on right now.

Hugs,

Hi Everyone,   I went to see the pdoc today and told him of my issues that I'm dealing with and we are making a couple of med changes.  He's taking me off the Abilify because he doesn't think it's working well enough to control the irritability I'm experiencing.  In place of it he's putting me on Zyprexa, which I'm hesitant about because of the potential weight gain.  I've recently lost 35 pounds and don't want to gain it back.  He said if I started gaining weight we will try something different.  I will definitely be keeping an eye on this one.  He's hoping the Zyprexa will help control the racing thoughts at night and help me sleep, which has been an issue lately.    He's also changing my Valium from 5mg every 4 hours to 10mgs 4 times/day.  Hopefully these things will help.  He wants to see me in a month to see how I'm doing and in the meantime I have to let him know how things are going, especially if they aren't going well.   I hate going to the pdoc as I'm so scared that every time I see him, he's going to admit me to the hospital again.  I know, it's just a silly fear but it sure is real to me.   Thanks all for your support through this, I really appreciate it.   Luv to all, Wen