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Posted 8/20/2008 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
I've been reading posts because many of your situations are similar, if not identical to mine. I am 26 years old and would like to consider myself a well educated woman and a good judge of character. However, there is so much that is eating me alive. I am in love with a man who has always had self destructive tendancies, but underneath all of that, he really and truely is wonderful. He comes from a very dysfunctional upbringing and like many of you, I could write a book on what we have been through together. He has finally been diagnosed as being bipolar. He did not inform me what type. I am really just not well informed on the illness and wanted to know if this type of behavior sounded familar to any of you...I would not say he has ever been "hyper" about anything, other than being a perfectionist and a work-a-holic. However, he has a temper on him, he will have "temper tantrums" and actually make an embarrasing scene in public, he goes through times where he will just totally push me out of his life and say the most evil things ever, he has bad anxiety, often will turn the tables around on me and sometimes I actually feel like I am the one who is nuts. It's like he is very happy with our home life and having me as a motherly figure and lover, but when he goes through these other phases, it is me who is being controlling for caring too much or whatever. If you could please share your thoughts or experiences with me, it would be greatly appreciated!
Posted 8/20/2008 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Justbelieve08,

Welcome to HealingWell and to our forum. This is a much more acceptable introduction to the board. Thank you. Your story sounds very familiar. There are several spouses and partners in our forum going through much the same situation. I am sure you will find support and answers here.

serafena
Posted 8/20/2008 7:38 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you very much for being so polite and replying. I've never been in a situation like this before in my life. I've never been this close to a person with this illness and I love him dearly. No one understands it. I truely want to help him and be in his life. However, I realize I need to help myself as well. Right now, he is pushing me away and I just don't know what to do. I can honestly and dearly say that he loves me, but this other destructive side has taken over right now. He keeps giving me mixed messages. It's like his thought process is so unclear. He is normally the type of person who preaches the importance of stability, but he is breaking all of his own rules. Is that a normal tendancy of the illness...the pushing away and wanting you back? Thanks!
Posted 8/21/2008 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there, Welcome, Justbelieve08: I am Bipolar myself and had been very much :in love with a bipolar man. However, my man (at that time) didn't take the appropriate meds and tended to self medicate with alcohol, a lot. He also would go with any body he could find out there on the streets. I swear, it nearly killed me. I just never could predict what was coming next. Kind of like walking on eggshells, always waiting for the next shoe to drop. This horrific situation went on for ten years untill finally he just jumped out of my moving car one day and wouldn't return my calls. I think he looked me up once after that as I'd moved very far away and he showed up on the jobsite one day. I just pretended I didn't recognize him and he went away. I don't look for him anymore but I know if I were to associate with him, it would bring me way down. I don't have a relationship at  present, nor am I looking. I will wait until someone enters my life who has a positive commitment to make. It is better for me to be single than to be with someone who can do me that kind of damage and heartache. Best of luck, but if your man isn't seeing a psychiatrist and undergoing treatment for his illness, you won't have a chance at happiness. best of luck.

Posted 8/21/2008 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Tyno speaks a hard truth. Bipolar disorder can be a brutal disorder to live with. In order to keep it under control and stabilized, we must see psychiatrists regularly (think 6 weeks to 2 months max), get on a medicine regimen which usually includes some sort of mood stabilizer, and commit to being productive, respectful, loving members of our families and relationships. Without those commitments to stability, you're going to have a devil of a time convincing your partner to behave -- that's the mania talking. He has to make these decisions for himself. You can put your foot down and insist he get some professional help, but be ready to back that up with a real consequence. You need to take care of yourself. I know you love this man and want to support him, but you also need to know that not all bipolars choose to get help and those that don't can be very, very hard to live with.

serafena
Posted 8/21/2008 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all very much for your help and support. This man and I have had quite a history. We have known and loved one another many years. We know each other inside and out...I've always known he has had mood swings, but never recognized it as being bipolar, never really knew anything about the illness. He told me a few days ago that he is indeed bipolar. This man has proposed to me in the past and has wanted a family with me very badly and has promised to have a life with me. It's just eating me alive that he is pushing me out of his life to do whatever. Unlike many stories I have read with bipolars who are not on meds, he doesn't fit the description as a lazy person. He is very successful with his business and preaches the importance of stability. It's just these crazy mood swings he goes through...Is it normal for some bipolars to feel uncomfortable among others that they don't know? For instance, if we go to a family get together, he feels totally uncomfortable around other people who were invited that he does not know.
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