Intro

I just wanted to introduce myself. I was diagnosed as cyclothymic about a year ago and am taking trileptal to help with my moods and xanax to help calm me down when there's stressful "events" that I know are coming up. Does anyone take trileptal and has it been working for you? I'm not sure if it is helping because I don't have a frame of reference. Are panic attacks common with cyclothymia/bi-polar? They've gotten a lot worse as I've gotten older.

A little bit about myself:
-I've been a musician almost all my life. My shrink says that it is common to be really creative/be artistic among bi-polars because the condition stimulates the right side of the brain (any feedback about this is more than welcome!) I consider myself more of an artist than a musician even though music is a central part of my being. Music is not my profession, though, because I decided to switch to business (you have to make a living), but it's tough to be in business because the temperament gets in the way. It takes a lot out of me during the day when I have to be "on my honor" minding my p's and q's in dealing with co-workers, managers, clients, etc. I almost want to scream because I'd rather'd be creating or playing music or some other creative pursuit (rant ends here :) .
-In the beginning, before the cyclothymia diagnosis, I thought that I might have ADHD because I have a history of jumping around from one thing to another and really have a VERY tough time focusing on one thing, except when there's something I really want to do, and then I'm hyper-focused. I need to have a lot of stimulus around me, but my wife is the one who said that I'm probably more bi-polar. She's studied it and is convinced of it. Does anyone else feel they have a strong ADHD portion of their personality in conjunction with the bi-polar? I'm not fully convinced about the cyclothymia because my wife pushed this with the shrink, but I'm not the expert here. I have a tendency to really fly off the handle when things are not under my control (personality style? cyclothymia?). Definitely anger management issue.
-I used to have a problem with alcohol and I'm thanking God that my wife helped me get off that. I haven't spent time in jail (thank God again) and haven't gotten in any accidents (see previous comment about God), and haven't killed anyone from drunk driving (you know the drill). I used to go to the bar every night because the high was so addictive and euphoric. I felt like I was the best form of myself while I was drinking. I was more open and felt like I could do anything. Sometimes the reports back from my friends and acquaintances from the night before was not so great. I don't know what happened most of the time. I don't want to know either because I've shut down that portion of my life for the past 3 yrs. This doesn't mean I haven't had drinks now and then, but I haven't gotten wasted. Anyway, after reading a lot of the posts in this great forum, alcohol is a ticking timebomb waiting to go off for bi-polars.

Thanks, guys, for taking the time to read my intro. Hope it wasn't too long.

Hi sdw679,

Welcome to HealingWell and to our forum. You are most welcome here. I'm looking forward to hearing your unique perspective on topics and I'm glad you've managed to navigate through the mess of bp this long to be able to be a little bit wise about how difficult it is.

serafena

Also- your psych should be able to help you recognize your cycles and the extremities of the same. From the little I know about cyclothymia...it is a less severe form of bipolar (cycles vary in their frequency, but are less extremic than those experienced in bipolar sufferers- less polar, if you will). I know I've discusses this with my therapist when discussing the hereditary nature of the illness and what will happen when/if my fiance and I have children (it could trickle down into full-blown bipolar or manifest itself as the "lesser" cyclothymia- again, i'm not a doc, this is just what i've learned through the process)...it could also skip our kids all-together. Life's a crapshoot.