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How to help someone who doesnt want help?

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 8/22/2008 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone. Thank you for all of your posts. I have been living with BP for a number of years. I was only recently diagnosed 2 years ago but I seem to have a good handle on it...With medication and therapy.   The reason I am writing is because my brother in law is suffering from what I would consider severe BP symptoms. In the past year he's taken time off work to sit in his garage and cry, His marriage is falling apart, he's become a total recluse. His family and I are very worried about his wellbeing. He is an extremely smart man who has had a phobia of doctors since he was little and had brain surgery. His parents have taken him to seek professional help but her refuses to talk. Recently his parents confronted him asking him to please seek help. He backed his self into a corner, but his hand over his face and kept repeating "not helping, not helping I can't deal with this). They managed to calm him down and later asked him again to please see a doctor. He refuses. He's 35 years old...How do get a grown man to seek help if he doesn’t want to. We're all afraid he's going to attempt suicide but he is smart enough not to mention anything like that in fear he will be involuntary committed....Which I think he needs!   Suicide is a very real possibility with him. I personally attempted suicide 2.5 years ago. I can see the early signs but he won’t give us enough room to legally step in and get him help.   If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it.   Thank you
Posted 8/22/2008 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Decacco,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar forum. I wish I had encouraging words of wisdom for you, but I don't. Especially with bipolar and any kind of mood disorder, I have seen again and again on the board that it is impossible to force treatment on someone. This is heartbreaking, especially when it's someone you love who is falling apart. Your only option to get him to the hospital (which he clearly needs) is to wait until he is a danger to himself or others and then call 911.

Try something smaller, safer. Instead of pushing doctors, try suggesting a support group or therapist. Have a couple of specific ones ready to hand him. Have a loved one offer to go with him the first time. He'll most likely reject these options as well, but it's worth a try. Have you talked to him about your own experiences with a mood disorder? Perhaps he will find these comforting? Talk to him one on one so he doesn't feel "ganged up on."

Good luck,
serafena
Posted 8/22/2008 6:00 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you.

I have tried to get him to go to some groups to talk about it. I attend groups on a regular basis to deal with Anger issues I have related to my condition. I've told him specifically everything I've gone through and tried to show him that there is hope. He just refuses to see it for what it is. I'm going to continue to try without being pushy because I know how volatile you can get and how bad it becomes when you get to that dark place.

I can’t seem to get a straight answer from anyone. Does anyone know exactly what constitutes an involuntary commitment in California?

Posted 8/23/2008 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
You see a doctor so ask your doctor what can be done to get him committed where he is and if he is still legally married, I would think his wife would be the person to get him committed and please try. He is giving a very loud cry for help....and I hope he gets it soon....
Posted 8/26/2008 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
    I am sorry to hear all of this. I am married to a bi-polar man . He goes in and out of treatment and I have had him committed several years ago. I have held his hand and begged and cried. Nothing works because he isnt thinking about me . Right now he is out drinking which has become  the newest self medicating thing he does. He was dual  diagnosed about 4 years ago. He cant seem to stick to his meds and goes off of them which leads to the binge drinking. I am at a loss, I have finally made the decision to back off and see what happens, He needs to try to help himself. He is not going to listen to me and right now he is a wild card as to what will happen. I feel guilty but I cant take much more. I am thinking of divorce but I am waiting until he gets help right now. I am scared for him which keeps me in limbo with my life,The whols situation is sad, sad
Posted 8/26/2008 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
GOOD NEWS! He's decided to seek treatment! It couldn't come at a better time. After he came to us for help we went home to put his things in order. While there his wife told him that she couldn’t live like this any longer and left. Fortunately he's so low he's numb right now....but I'm sure if he didn't reach out for help this might have thrown him over the edge.   Thank you for your posts.   luvluv- I'll be praying for you and your husband. Being BP myself I've been through the binge drinking and the incredible lows. I saw what it did to my family. I'm very sorry you're going through it. I know that I had to hit rock bottom before I would seek serious help and stick to it. My personal opinion is do what you have to do for you. Just let him know what you're doing. Let him know how much you do love him and what this is doing to you....That's really all you can do. If he doesn’t get help you've done your part. You can't spend your entire life like this. God willing that might be the final nudge he needs to get back into treatment and stick to it.   P.S.- We got him to sign a medical POA. If you ever run into a similar situation try to get one of these signed. It was a nightmare dealing with his doctors and even getting advice from medical professionals with out this. It also gives us the power to put him in treatment without his consent if he truly needs it but doesn’t qualify for California 5150 rules.
Posted 8/26/2008 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
That is good news, Decacco -- at least about the treatment. I hope you'll take him to the hospital soon. Dreadful news about his wife, but it's not unusual. Depression breaks apart families all the time. It's a shame, though. Let us know how things progress, please. We'll be thinking of you guys.

serafena
Posted 8/26/2008 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your kind words I know I cant stay in this limbo forever but I am afraid to leave hime as it might push him over the edge. I will tell him I love him and I am doing it so he can help himself,thats all I can do, Thanks you
Posted 8/26/2008 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
I'm only chiming in with a positive note, it seems this post is starting to work itself out. I've found (as I had problems in the past with wanting to seek help as well) that this forum has been the best thing since sliced bread. -Relating to someone else with a similar problem helped me out immensely-

Good luck to you both in your endeavors, and just keep trying.
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