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Posted 9/3/2008 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hello All,

Please take sometime and introduce yourself to other members.

I am 28 years old; and at the moment I live in Maryland, but I have lived in many places before that. So I guess this is where I call home for the time being.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2005, but have struggled with the disease since my teenage years. Its a shame so many people go undiagnosed for so many years. Before my Bipolar diagnosis, I was diagnosed with depression in 1998. I think it was because I was in a depressive episode when I decided to seek help, and didn't think my hypomanias were bad enough to mention (plus I didn't know any better).

Like a lot of people I stopped seeking help because eventually the depression subsided, and it was not till 2005 that I realized that something was wrong with me. My mood became unbearable for others as well as myself. By then symptoms were very severe that I had to be hospitalized. Since then there were a lot trial and errors with meds as well as pdoc/therapists, but I finally feel like I have arrived.

I joined HW in 2006 and it has been a great place for finding information and a wonderful place for support for me. I just wanted to say "THANK YOU" for all your help and support, it is great to know that we are not all alone with this.

Olivia
Posted 9/3/2008 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi...all. Here's my little intro.

I'm 27, female, been dealing with mental illness my whole life due to a traumatizing childhood and a lot of family has mental illnesses so I'm sure there's a chemical imbalance too. At about 14 I became severely depressed, but wouldn't admit it and refused meds...plus as we all know now people under 18 have a lot of risks with ADs. They were forcing all kinds of pills down my throat and I just always said I was having some kind of side effect so they took me off of them. Plus my family was always against psychological help, most are receiving it now though, but back then you were "crazy" to need such things. So fast forward to about age 18. I began having panic attacks along with the usual depression. Dropped out of college numerous times over the years to come. By age 22 I went into a very serious depression and secretly called my family doc and requested help.

I started off with good old zoloft. They increased me so fast I became manic, but didn't know that's what it was at the time and since it was a family doc treating me all they did was throw benzos at me when I complained of manic like symptoms.

Was on ADs for years along with benzos and the occassional antipsychotic due to extreme paranoia. By 24 I was on disability for my depression, panic disorder, PTSD, and agoraphobia. I was also seeing a pdoc by then because I was way beyond the help of a family doc.

Last year I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder after switching pdocs. My pdoc before that suspected it, but didn't diagnose me. I changed pdocs quite a few times mostly because all my pdocs ended up moving away or not taking my insurance any longer. I just saw a new pdoc AGAIN this month because my old pdoc left. Story of my life lol. Maybe it's me? lol. I know it's not, it's just unreal how many docs have left. So anyway after watching me turn into a manic beast on ADs I've been officially taken off of them. Now I'm on lamictal, klonopin, and risperdal...I'm a mess at the moment so who knows how long I'll be on this cocktail.

That's me in a few little paragraphs. Look around and you'll see more about me as I post almost everywhere on the forums. I actually first came here for the crohn's disease area.
Posted 9/3/2008 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
Olivia-

I live in MD...I don't know if you're supposed to recommend pdocs on the board, but if you'd like the name of a good one (I don't know if you have one, so if you do, ignore me :), please let me know.
Posted 9/4/2008 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
Diskus,

No, we are not supposed to recommend pdocs on the board, since that is a personal matter it is supposed to be taken care of via email. Thanks for the offer, but I have a pdoc that is great. It feels like I have searched for years, but finally got one that listens; and we have an understanding. Thanks again!

Olivia
Posted 9/4/2008 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
That's good news!
Posted 9/10/2008 10:43 AM (GMT 0)

My introduction:

I am a 35 y/o female and was diagnosed with Depression first at age 22, then ADHD around age 25, although I struggled with various symptoms unlabeled from pre-puberty on.  I've been on different pysch medications, mostly ADs, since 1995, and there have been multiple changes along the way.  At one time I was rx Luvox, an AD marketed for Obsessive Comulsive Disorder.
Sleep was always a problem also, so I've had a 3rd med for sleep since I first sought treatment for anything.

 
At age 33, I had a miscarriage and naturally was a mess afterwards.  I struggled for over a year just treating Depresion and ADHD.  I have not done well.  Soon after my 34th bday, my PDOC finally agreed to look at a different diagnosis and different meds.  He thought that my lovely combination of Depression, ADHD and OCD was just very difficult to treat, and was resistant to my therapist's recommendation that he look at a dx (diagnosis) of Bipolar.  After several months of reiterating that what I had wasn't working, he prescribed Lamictal, and it was a Godsend.  I hadn't felt happier since I was a child.  Not that everything was perfect, or that I no longer struggled w/ issues that are part of my personality - I just accepted myself better and was much more patient with myself. 

Now I'm dealing w/ trying to get pregnant - don't have much time - got off of Lamictal and Dexedrine (ADHD) a few months ago at MD recommendations - back on it b/c doing so poorly. I researched all of the meds I'm currently taking and talked to pre-natal specialists, genetic counselors (online resource), etc., and feel relatively comfortable with the risk-benefit analysis re the meds.

Not yet stable on meds again.  Scared to continue trying to get pregnant b/c feel so unstable, but I delayed getting pregnant for so long, partly due to my instability within the last few years, and I'm running out of time.  I struggle w/ whether or not it's responsible for me to be a mother and fluctuate back and forth w/ my comfort level on this.

This website had been helpful and I'm glad I found it.

hlayne

Posted 9/10/2008 3:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hlayne:

There have been a couple of threads in the last month or so about pregnancy and meds, you should page back through the threads and see if you can find them. They might be helpful to you.

serafena
Posted 9/10/2008 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone:

I'm 35. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II for 5 years. Before that, I had been diagnosed with depression for years. I was hospitalized in 2001 for suicidal ideation. I'd been seeing a psychiatrist then who refused to give me anything but Prozac. When I demanded we try something else, he said it was my fault for not trying hard enough to get well, and said he would have to drop me. So I switched doctors and am much happier with my current psych. She is the one who re-evaluated me and diagnosed me bipolar. She gave me Lamictal and I discovered stability for the first time in years.

In 2005, I had my first (and probably only) child, my daughter Rosa. I remained on my medications while pregnant and had a very smooth pregnancy. I worried terribly that I was hurting my baby, but I knew without my meds I would get terribly depressed and my husband was very worried I would get suicidal again. (He is very worried about that in general, even now.) She is wonderful. Smart, beautiful, playful, and full of beans -- just like any 3 year old.

Career wise, I don't think I can work full time right now. I'm freelance writing from home right now. I had been hoping to teach at a local college this fall, but that fell through. So I'm starting from the ground up, trying to sell articles. If anyone knows of anyone who needs some writing done, let me know. :-)

I see both a psychiatrist and a therapist and I am on 5 drugs: Lamictal, Topomax, Lexapro, Serzone (don't worry -- it's actually safe,) and Abilify. I am relatively stable right now, maybe a little on the depressed side.

So that's me. I'd love to see more of you respond as well.

serafena
Posted 9/11/2008 9:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Guys,

I'm Li, I'm 25 from the North West of England.  I normally post on depression, but thought I'd say hi on here as I often read through posts.  My Doctor thinks I have elements of Bipolar and OCD too, tho just mild. I have been prescribed various medications, but struggle to take anything really as things interfere with my sleep patterns and I have little patience. I see a counsellor, who also thinks I have bipolar elements as I am not traditionally depressed, more extreme moodiness, lol! So generally tho I am ok, more-so over the last year I feel that I am finally starting to come out of the dark and work thru some of my issues!

Posted 9/11/2008 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone.....

My name is Lorraine, I"m 39,married with 2 kids, and I"m from Newfoundland, Canada.

I've been bipolar and depressed for quite some time. I suffered with depression as far back as 26 years ago , when I first started high school. I was diagnosed by my family doc, with Bipolar after my mom passed away in 1998, but when I was seen by a psychiatrist, he said no and sent me home. I've been on various antidepressants over the past 26 years. about 6 years ago I was at one of my worse stages in life. I walked into my family doc's office proclaiming that I felt like I wanted to beat my husband and children senseless. It was shortly after that, I decided to put my 2 children, ages 12 and 15 into foster care for their safety.  I was sent to see a psychiatrist that loved to prescribe drugs and listen to the sound of his own voice. I was living like a zombie which made me even more depressed. I stopped seeing him, and stopped taking all the drugs...cold turkey. I felt great....for a while!  Finally, about 2 years ago, while going through family councilling with my daughter, I met a wonderful therapist which worked with Youth and Family Services. She referred me to a new Psychiatrist, and that's who I see now. We've tried lots of meds, and at the moment I'm taking Lithium,Clonazepam,and Celexa.

That's pretty much me in a nut shell.

Posted 9/12/2008 7:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hi All

I've been here for a while. Stop in then head off for a while. I am a male, BP2 (which is unusual for a male). I live in Okla.

I exhibited syptoms back to my late teens. I lived in a very small town, (pop. was 840, my graduating class  was 17). People always thought I was a little wild. I have mentioned this before, parties were actually cancelled if I could not attend.

When I was eight, my dad was murdered in the front yard by a neighbor over a fence dispute. I believe my mom was undiagnosed BP. She had a very hard time dealing with my dad's death. We moved around quite a bit, mom had an endless supply of men. Most of them were useless. A few were okay. My mom died when I was 16 and my sister was 13.

My sister and I went to live with a man that knew my dad. He had a trailer on his property we stayed in. We would look after his cattle and horses to pay for the rent and such. Life was good then. I married my high school sweetheart, we're still very much in love after 27 years. My sister died of an overdose when she was 20.

When I hit 38 and had lost another of my many jobs and had yet another run in with the law, I was sent to the hospital instead of jail and diagnosed as adhd. I was given Wellbutrin XL which sent me into a very bad depression, I had to go to the psych ward for an extended stay. There, I was diagnosed BP2 with rapid cycles. Had a very bad time finding a good mix to settle me down. Spent alot of time at the hospital, I called in my room at the inn.

My wife and I had a small ranch. Even though it was small, I got to where I could not handle it. So we sold out at a huge loss and moved to the big city.  My wife works as a nurse and I mow lawns. But it is no stress and suits me well.

This is such a downer. I usually come to this board when I'm crawling into a hypo. But as you can probably tell, I'm in a serious pity party right now. Stick around, I'll be back to my usuall self soon then I will be alot more fun.

Cap

Posted 10/6/2008 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
Cap,

Wow! I am so sorry that you had to deal with so much pain.

I hope you are feeling better since you last posted, please let us know how you are. Don't hesitate to post when you get a chance. I think we all get panicky when we have a hypomanic or depressive episode, we try to reach out more at those times. You are not alone in that assumption.
Posted 10/9/2008 10:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi; I am a fifty something woman from Nova Scotia, dealing with BiPolar II, since age 18, depressed before that as far back as I can remember. Also much pain from fibromyalgia, exacerbated by auto/pedestrian accident in 2002 (I was the pedestrian). Also, I care for my 73 years old Dad whom I seem never to be able to please. I get very upset and frustrated, alot, and of course, that approach helps not at all. My dad has Alzheimers, my sibs have moved as far away as possible and got real busy, according to them, they are their own priority according to brother who wants to call the shots, regardless, while my sis shoots arrows into the tent from 4000 miles away. Quite a feat, eh. So it's me, and me ol Dad trying to survive on pennies after his last wife ran up 60,000 in debt, gambling. Some days are better than others. Yesterday was really hard. I'm going to insist today be better or I'm going to hide under the blankets till I see my pdoc tomorrow. thank you

Posted 10/9/2008 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
I'm 18, from Michigan, just got right out of high school and into my first year of college. As a child I had some separation anxiety, but it was never too bad that I couldn't function. Then in 5th grade I got OCD, though it was undiagnosed for three more years. At 13 I became severely depressed and that lasted for about two years. My freshman year of high school was alright, but in the middle of the year things started to fall apart again and then for the rest of high school it was a huge roller coaster. I was originally diagnosed with depression, but in my junior year they suspected that I might have a mild case of bipolar because I started to have some hypomania. I was hospitalized in late April of my junior year because of a serious mania episode. It took me the whole summer to get calm again, and all summer to finish my schoolwork. A year later in my senior year I got back in the hospital. I've been in therapy for four years and have been to three different counselors. The one I'm currently with is pretty good. She kind of chooses the topic though to talk about, but she makes me laugh.

High school was okay for me, but I hated the drama and gossip. Especially senior year, where girls were carrying it on over the stupidest stuff...I was like, we're graduating soon, why are we still fighting? College seems to be better with that, in high school I was extremely shy, I think I might have social anxiety disorder, and whenever I tried to talk to someone for a conversation they'd look at me or give me this vibe as if they were saying, Why are you even talking to me? But college is different, people are more open-minded and accepting. The only class that seems to be like high school is my Spanish class, which even though it's second year Spanish it's still full of freshmen who just can't seem to get over themselves. There are some people in the class though that are older and more mature, so I talk to them.

I've also had a terrible romantic encounter, I posted it in the anxiety thread, just to put it short an ex really messed me up psychologically that every night I have nightmares about him killing my family and they're very vivid.

Things have gotten better, I still have anxiety though and I switch from depression to hypomania, but for the most part I'm finally starting to get things under control. It's kind of scary though, this is exactly what happened freshman year of high school and things fell apart again, so I'm hoping this won't happen again...but we'll see. I think it's great that I found a forum with people who are going through what I'm going through and people I can relate to. I'm just hoping people won't judge me since I'm young and just out of high school, I consider myself mature for my age but that's just me. And the people here seem very nice and understanding from what I've seen. :)
Posted 10/9/2008 7:57 PM (GMT 0)

hello

Hi i am Brittany age 21 I live In the "big" state of Arkansas ,mother of 2 beautiful kids 2 and 4 married for 4 years and i am Bi -polar.

Iam suffering from sever mood changes and sleep loss and a few other things i am having trouble opening up to many ppl about some past issues from when i was a pre teen. I have some "issues" and suicide problems when i was 13 i was really goin through a tough time ... but being a mom has really made me change a bit sometimes good sometimes bad i get really stressed at time i just wanna scream and some times i do . LOL My husband is a wonderful man i hate to think this has but a gray  cloud over our marriage but we are still young , it will all be fine he is a very understanding and sweet man. After i had my first child i had some very bad post partum i didnt even wanna think about what was goin on with my  baby muchless handle 2 children it was hard . I wanna be bable to talk to a Psychiatrist but i just find it a hard feat to open up about past abuse and such i just think that its my past to deal with not others ... its really really something i have a problem with but I am working through it there are good days and bad days .

But its great to meet you all u seem like wonderful ppl i hope to talk to you all soon its nice ot have someone to share things with. {Oh and  please excuse my mess of typing i was never good and not looking at te keys hehe}

Posted 10/9/2008 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome both moreAmor and Rain. Everyone is welcome here -- the more the merrier. We keep each other on track.

serafena
Posted 10/10/2008 12:20 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, I am AJ, I am 37 and a sahm mom to 7.  I am an american muslim married to an Arab and we are currently living in Qatar.  I was diagnosed BP1 this past May but I believe that I have been bipolar since my mid teens and over the past few years it has gotten worse and so I decided to get some help and here I am.

My current cocktail is: Depakine Chrono 1000mg, Risperdal 1mg., Zoloft 50 mg, Abilify 15 mg, and fluanxol 1 mg as needed.  I am switching from risperdal to abilify so I won't be on the risperdal for much longer but the abilify has triggered some mixed states I think.  I have an appointment with my pdoc next week and I will talk to her about it then.

Posted 10/12/2008 8:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I am C.Gravity. 35y.o. male living in the city. New to all of this but giving it a try.
I was born B-II, have no idea who my father is, my mother left me at the hospital right after a C-section, my grandmother/great-grandmother/grandfather picked me up, I spent a few years (13-17) with my mother/her new baby girl/stepfather due to my grandparents believing I should be part of a proper family since my paternal mother had married along with having my step-sister, got literally thrown about by my stepfather, along with being locked in the house, i.e. all of the windows nailed shut & deadbolts on the front/back doors, and started living on my own with a fractured right hand at 17 due to my paternal mother taking a phone to it in the midst of kicking me out of her house. As a child the best time of my life was spent between birth and 12yrs of age growing up on a farm with my grandparents. All of my Grandparents passed away going on 10yrs ago.

I decided I couldn't be properly medicated at age 22..then I started researching what I needed to swallow in order to kill myself. I made an effort to cover my tracks but, considering my friends have always been part of my family, they knew something was more than wrong, and I ended up dying in the hospital pronounced dead only to resuscitate myself. I've naturally thought of suicide since then, but I have never done anything more than think about it at my lowest of points since my death years ago. Something about a part of me believing enough to bring me back to life I guess?
*I'm new here just trying to give some insight into the experiences that have compounded my disease.

I've taken every drug associated with this ending up on a cocktail of Wellbutrin, Lamictal, and Xanax. Sometimes my body eats these drugs like lifesavers. I find myself here...
Posted 10/12/2008 2:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi aqualounge,

Welcome to HealingWell. I'm glad you found us. I hope you find our community helpful and friendly. Tell us a little bit about how you're doing now.

serafena
Posted 10/13/2008 6:31 AM (GMT 0)
I'm doing well as can be. I think in general you always want to say you're feeling better than you are as result of conditioning? There's such a stigma associated with this thing coursing through our blood. I've grown accustomed to viewing parts of my infrastructure as the enemy within, but I know the only way is through the acceptance of all of me. The faults most importantly. Time and Will have kept me within sight of the horizon. Ultimately, I'd just like to fall asleep tonight only to wake up 8hrs later feeling disoriented by the sunrise. I tend to wake up every 90 minutes or so after falling asleep, but I have experienced real sleep and I will more consistently soon enough. There's no option but to do and feel better. Hello to everyone...
Posted 10/19/2008 8:31 AM (GMT 0)
bump
Posted 10/23/2008 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
bump
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