need insight

I wrote a response in the thread "Bipolar Wife". My husband has been gone for close to 4 weeks now...told me he was going to get a divorce. It was our wedding anniversay Friday. It was so lonely. He was here on Thursday while I was gone to pick up his and my stepson's bikes. My 15-year old was home and my mother was hiding in the bathroom because she didn't want him to know that she was here. He threw an empty pack of cigarettes in the driveway and deliberately left a chew pouch in a place where I sit (he started chewing because he knew I didn't like it), like to show me, "see, I'll do whatever I want". I talked to my attorney today. He had me leave a message with my husband to call him last Tuesday to see if we should drop a case against someone who harmed us. He called him back right away, apparently. My attorney asked him if he wanted him to drop the case because of the break-up and because our relationship has something to do with this case. He our attorney that he would still testify if it would help me. It's like he's trying to hurt me and help me at the same time. My attorney asked if there was any chance of a reconcilliation and he said "no", he is "definitely going through with a divorce". Yes, he's said he was going to divorce me before, but the sitting around waiting for the papers is such a horrible feeling! I love him so much and he DID love me not too long ago. I'm getting so sick and losing weight from it. I had to go on antidepressants two years ago when he disappeared for 2 months. He left me 6 months ago, too, for a week- said he was going to divorce me but this time I think he might do it.He leaves the same time every year, and when he didn't last year, he thought about it.

Has anyone else ever experienced this frequent abandonment? Has anyone else who has bp done this to their partner and can shed some light as to what's going on with him...what he might be thinking? He's on this mission to improve his life...why couldn't have done that while he was with me? Everytime he does this, he tells everyone that I'm trying to change him, and I'm not. But then he leaves and all of the sudden, he cares about being responsible and trying to fix his credit. He says that he just wants to be happy and it's a bad marriage. I thought he WAS happy with me most of the year, when he wasn't cycling. Am I going crazy? We were camping together a month and a half ago, laughing, being together. One confrontation and he's gone. He said he loved me but we're not compatible. I don't understand it because aside from the bp, we have just about everything in common. When I called him the morning after he left and said that I wanted to go to counceling, he said he didn't want to- he didn't want to start over again with me trying to make it work. But he'll start new with someone else? I don't understand and I'm lost and alone

I'm sorry, I didnt make myself clear. I'm not the one with  bipolar, it is my husband. Like I said in the other postings, he has left me on avg., one to two times a year in the past 6 years. He starts reverting back to his childhood, buying things he had when he was a kid, visiting his old high school. Then he starts getting disconected from me and the family until he has no connection to me at all. He starts drinking everyday until he finally gets to the point that he wants to leave. And his friends and family say, he just is not happy because they don't understand and support him leaving every time. The minute he gets down, I'm good enough again. Everyone acts like they are more important to him than me and the children. He said some of the most horrible things to me before he left as he has before. He acts like he hates me or like we were just dating and broke up. He always tells people I'm trying to change him and I'm not, I just love him and care about what he does to himself and family when he's manic. I don't know what to do because he's gone, disappeared again, making it clear he doesn't want to be found and I'm just waiting to get divorce papers. Worst yet, he's got my stepson with him.

1pisces,

It's comforting to know that there are other people who understand. I'm so stir-crazy..feel like I'm going to lose my mind sometimes. What's your situation now? Is your husband still with you now? How many times has he left and come back? I'm actually talking to another guy on another site right now who is engaged to a gal who is self-medicating with pot a alcohol right now. I hope I can be some help to him as others have been for me. I need some understanding, and even though he's done this to me many times before, it's not any easier this time. I don't know why. Because I don't know if this is really "it" and if or when I will be getting divorce papers served on me. The not-knowing rips me up inside. I'm constantly looking for his car around town like an obsessed stalker. He makes me feel like that, like he just wants me to leave him alone and never wants to see me again. I don't know what to do. I've lost 15 lbs in 3 weeks and have bronchitis now. I'm going crazy and he's moving on happy happy, starting his exciting new life when a month and a half ago, he was a loving family man. He didn't just abandon me, I have two sons who considered him "dad" for the past 6 years. And I had a stepson ripped away from me.

Hi again! I just read your post. I almost laughed when you said that about the credit. That is the "exact" same thing my husband does. Then blames me for his credit being bad.

And yes, it is just being bipolar (I think anyhow). As you know, my husband has up and left many times. He literally has left with nothing. No money, ID, no car, wallet, nothing!!!!! It absolutely amazes me how someone can do that. He does not take pride in the things he has...unlike myself. The stuff I have is MINE and no one elses...I'll be darned if i just leave it. But he doesn't care! I'll never comprehend that.

I feel for you, hon! I wish I could take your pain away. I know that pain all too well and it sucks so bad. I know my husband is with me right now, but it sure doesn't feel like it. He is so far out in his own little world. He has pretty much shut me out...so I feel very much alone right now.

The one thing my husband and I have always took pride in, is our true love. We had it when no one else around us did. People were jealous of our love and I liked it that way (Sounds vain, I know) but our love is so true, its amazing! Then when he's like this...it's like a total flip of the switch. I'll admit, I can be a little nice, I'm sure...it's just so hard to be nice when he is acting like this. I don't help things for him because I have shut him out as well. Maybe I'll try talking to him later on (if he ever wakes up that is, LoL).

You saying that you'd do anything to have him back, to have your friend back, etc. really made me think about what I want. I DO want my husband and I'm so willing to fight for him. And so many people don't understand that. It's nice to have someone understand exactly what you're going through and WHY we stay with them. And you're right, if he had cancer or something like that, would I leave!?! No way! It's still a disease, right?

My husband loves to be "tickled scratched" it's something stupid that we call it...I'll just take my nails real soft down his back and he just loves it. Well, I haven't done that for over a month. That is the special attention that I give him, know what I mean? Now I feel bad that i haven't done it. Sometimes I don't do things because he does nothing for me, and that is probably a stupid way to think, huh? I don't know, I'm so confused right now. Sometimes I feel like I am bipolar, honest to God! I look at all the symptoms and think "OMG, I have all of those". I don't have the irrational thoughts though. I don't know if you're husband is like that or not...but my husband, at times, has a mind of a 12 year old. He does NOT think about consequences to his actions...just like a 12 year old does. I was reading an article on bipolar and it talked about when a person first gets it, that's the time they always go back too. And this made so much sense to me because I believe my husband has had this since he was 10 or 12. So, when he is cycling, he goes back to that age. My husband NEVER talks to his mother, but when he is like that, that is the first person he calls. My husband has also been running since he was a kid. Running away from home, from juvenile, ect. His mother left him when he was around 10 or so. She just up and left..went to Florida with a guy and got married. He didn't see her for over a year. Makes so much sense, huh? His Grandfather also killed himself. I think he was maybe bipolar as well.

Sorry, I just ramble on about things. Just feels good to let some of this out and to talk to someone that totally understands. I don't have anyone that understands in my life. Everyone thinks I"m crazy for staying with him. Including my own kids, my mother, friends, etc. My own mother tells me all the time that he is just childish. She says that she does not believe in bipolar. It drives me crazy! She always says "Well, if that is true, then we all have bipolar". OMG, she kills me!

Ok, I'm done for now. Thanks for listening to me. Feel free to ramble on to me. I love listening to others stories, makes me feel so not alone.

Wow, I feel you guys! Although my husband hasn't actually LEFT yet, I have a feeling it's coming. Almost every day he has to come up with some excuse to get out of the house, away from me and our son. He is definitely manic right now, but was just prescribed Symbyax, so I really hope that he is serious about taking it and getting better. I know he's having an affair, too. And that is definitely fueling this mania. I just hope that the down comes soon, because this is definitely ripping me up inside. I mean, not that the "down" is good, but at this point it's definitely better than the mania! He is spending money left and right (and not on bills or anything), hasn't really slept for a month now, always gone, definitely cold acting to me and our son, is always on the phone with HER (I'm assuming), in fact he ran up a big bill on his company cell phone that we had to pay for (sure wish I could see that bill!). His parents are the "brush it under the rug and it will go away" types, so they're not being proactive anymore about getting him better. I'm sure he's telling them that he's taking his meds and is just fine, when that's about the farthest from the truth! He's all caught up right now in getting this DV case his ex wife filed exponged from his record for some reason... I know it's a false case, as he would never lay a finger on me physically. Also, I don't think she ever did anything with it since it has no trial date, but is for some reason on his record. Anyway, it is a crappy situation we're in, but our husbands/SO's are ill. I just keep reminding myself that this isn't the man I married right now, but I know he's still in there somewhere. I hope he comes back before it's too late! I love him SO much, and it hurts SO much. :( If any of you want to e-mail me, I put my address on my profile. I would love to keep in touch with you seeing as how we have so much in common!

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. When I was watching that movie, I had such bad anxiety because of it. I could see it in his eyes that he was "inspired" by it.
My husband goes through those spells of saying that as well. Tells me we should just be friends. That I'm his best friend and that's what we need to be. He hasn't done that since he left in March....but i know once a manic state hits, here we go again.
I already talked to my husbands Dr. about what to do when/if he goes manic again and he told me that all I have to do is go talk to him and he OR I can go to the police station and have him put away again. It was nice to know that I could do that. My husband hasn't really become violent towards me...maybe a few times, but nothing big, know what I mean? BUT, he has literally tried to hurt others before. My daughters ex-boyfriend was one of those people. The poor guy had to go into hiding and actually called the cops on him. I KNEW that if my husband found him, he would have hurt him. Again, there's a long story behind it...but no one should EVER have that much anger in them. So, because of situations like that one, he is known to be violent towards others. That alone can let me lock him up. I hope it never comes to that...but I'll do what i have to do. My husband really isn't a bad guy. I guess that makes him sound totally nuts. I'd have to explain the situation to you for you to understand it all.