I want to start off my saying I love my wife of 5 1/2yrs, known each other for 7yrs. We have a 5yr old daughter with no other children. She was raised in the church and got me to go before we got married and she carried strong Christian values and belief in marriage. We married at age 20 and the first 3yrs were pretty good. She had some odd mood swings that i would say were mean towards me at times but nothing i thought was really odd.
Depression and Bipolar disorder run in her family. Her mother is both bipolar and scitzofrenik (spelling i'm sure is wrong).
The last 2 1/2yrs have been basically up and down by pretty much hell. We decided to have more children 2 1/2yrs ago and we got preg. quickly and we soon found out that we were expecting triplets (what a shock). Anyway, she carried them into the fourth month and then she miscarried. She took it really hard but she decided within about 2mons. she wanted to try again. We did and she got preg. again and this time she lost the child in the 3rd month. As the husband I wanted to be there for her but she wouldn't let me. She just bottled it up inside and I watched a part of my wife die along with the pregnancy. I she would let me do nothing to help her. In my opinion those events were the trigger.
After that everything went downhill. She told me she wanted no more children. She started not treating me good and acting like all the things in or life that we built together she didn't want.. like i was holding her back from something more. Then other times it would seem like she wanted the family life.
This got worse when she cut out all her church friends and began a whole new set of friends that i wasn't able to be involved with. This started to happen about 1 1/2 yrs ago. She started text messaging these new people and would ignore my daughter and I. It escalated to a point where she didn't come home until about 4am and never called me. Then she tells me she met someone that night at the bar who made her happy and she let him touch her (i still know nothing more). Anyway i addressed that situation quickly got rid of that guy but then more came. 2 nights she didn't even come home at all. i told her she needed to leave or she had to start working on things and i told her i believed she was sick. we went to marriage counseller 1 time and then she refused to go again. she fiannly started to put some effort into things and it began to improve and we went to a christian marraige conference. our ilfe was good till about May of this year when things started going downhill again.
She started hanging out with a guy from work (who was just a friend) but once again i was unable to hang out with him or his friends and anytime i asked questions i was prying into her business. she went out with him and his friends and the very first night she comes home at like 4am after she called me at 2am and tells me she was at a strip club and girls danced on her.
I'm still trying to give her what she wants which was some freedom but she's abusing what i'm giving her and any attempt i make to gain control she says i'm to pushy or if i say this is not what married women do then i'm a controlling psycho. (just to clarify this: by this point i'm convinced she is bipolar and she's sick and what is going on is not really the woman i love.... most poeple thought i should kick her to the curb, but i still believe in her).
anyway she moved out in sept. after admitting she had an affair with the guy from work in june (wk before our disney trip and our 5yr aniver.) Which explains why she acted so weird at disney. Funny thing is i now know the night it happened and she was so shook up over it that she called me to pick her up from a mutual friends house because she said she was too sick to drive home... i never told her that i know though). It also happened the day after we got back from our beach trip. The ****** quit his job and moved to DC while we were at disney (obviously doesn't care about her). After our vacation in August she said she wanted to go visit him in DC for the day and then come back that evening. I didn't like but she was like "trust me" and if i had blown up at her she would've just went anyway. So she went and apparently met his girlfriend and then they all went out to dinner and the girlfriend went home and then they slept together again. Then she gets lost on the way home after i called her at 10PM and was like where are you... you have to work in the morning. she didn't get home until like 2am.
Anyway she admitted the affair to me and said she didn't want a divorce and to be honest i don't either. I have so much pain inside but I think she's sick. She moved out because of obvious reasons and I've been taking care of the house and our daughter now for about 1 1/2mons since she left. She apologized the day she left but we haven't talked about it since because she won't she just depressed and sleeps alot and is moody and blaims me for making her this way.
We've had some ups during the seperation as well. I had a babysitter one night and was out and she called me up and asked me to come over... we had fun and we had sex. she showed up at the house about 2 nights later at 12am and wanted to be with me. It was wonderful but wierd at the same time.
Now she's back to keeping me away. She says she'll be involved with our daughter but not me. She has started counselling and the therapist recommended she get evaluated by a psych. she spoke with her mother who she also admitted that during this time she had a substance abuse problem (that was news to me but i'm not suprised). her mother encouraged her to get evaluated because we both believe she is bipolar.
We have a long ways to go. Anything that you can offer will be helpful.
My wife has done some terrible things but i love her and i don't truly believe she can help some of what she's done. I let this get to far in my opinion but her unwillingness to let me help her (even now) has been my greatest obstical. I am not one to give up and i don't plan to because i love her for what i know she is not what she is now.... i still believe in her and i think she knows she's sick.