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Posted 11/2/2008 12:16 PM (GMT 0)
I told her that I really feel that my life was better 6 months ago before I started taking my meds.  6 months ago pre-meds I was going to the gym three days a week and working out AND swimming, I was visiting my MIL at least once a week, I was visiting with friends and calling friends and calling my family and friends in the states, and I was taking care of my 2 year old most of the time.  Now, I am lucky if I get to the gym once a week and go swimming, I have seen my MIL maybe 5 times in 6 months, I don't call or visit my friends, I don't call my family like I should or my friends in the states and my oldest dd is taking care of my 2 year old almost 24/7 because I just can't do it most of the time.  my life really sucks now.  I have no energy do anything at all almost and I am still depressed most of the time and I am still crying all the time.  I told her something needs to change.  either my meds need to change or I need to stop my meds, something.  For now she has put me on Cipralex to see if that will help my depression or not.  then in 2-4 weeks we will see about removing the risperdal or adding something else.  I am just so tired of not being myself.  even dh has said that I was better before I was taking meds.  I guess I just want to be me again.
Posted 11/2/2008 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi twisted,

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm glad she's changing the meds, clearly they're not working for you. Things must not have been quite so rosy for you 6 months ago, though, or you wouldn't have sought out the doctor in the first place. It's easy to forget, or lose perspective, of how things truly felt. If you were manic before, and now you're depressed, that depression is going to feel even worse. Hang in there, and remember that it takes some time to get the med cocktail right. You will get back to balanced.

(((Hugs)))

serafena
Posted 11/2/2008 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
Twisted 71,hi ya ,sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it right now-good that you are trying something new,-as serafena said,it takes a little bit of time to get the right meds sorted,some suit some but not others.
What they are trying you on now I think is what I take..And it worked wonders for me-hang in there mate,but if it dosen't improve after a 3 week period,maybe a bit longer ,go back to the doc...
Gald to hear you do exercise too,that was a real winner for me,rock on mate.
Posted 11/2/2008 11:17 PM (GMT 0)

I just got another med added yesterday - now I am taking 100 mg of Lamictal and 5 mg Abilify. Although I have been feeling better on Lamictal, I was having some downturns, sometimes feeling down on myself for at least one day. I feel it is understandable because I lost my job, I have no medical coverage, I have a civil judgement against me, my mortgage is six months overdue, and both of my parents are in the hospital, two different hospitals. Somehow I am hoping things have to get worse before they get better, just how much worse do they have to get?

I write this to let you know that you are not the only one who feels bad, I think we all can relate, and I hope things do get better for you.

Posted 11/3/2008 4:17 AM (GMT 0)
cantgo back-wow dude you are having a real tough time of it...sorry to hear that mate...Nothing worse than fainancial stress,on top of a depression problem.
It be very normal to be stressed from all that.Hope things improve soon mate....And hope the new meds help too.Keep us posted-cool to chat..
Posted 11/3/2008 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
Wow: Can'tgoback, your situation makes mine look heavenly. I guess a lot of it is perspective. How we choose to view and choose things. I spent most of last week miserable with a horrible toothache, a molar, upper, right beside sinus, I had to take 50mgs. of amyltriptilene twice a day and at bedtime to begin to survive it. The dentist prescribed antibiotics, but wouldn't help with pain meds, and couldn't see me for four days. It was unbelievable pain. I am responsible for my Dad 24/7/360, Alzheimers, care. How to care for someone in that level of pain. Also two dogs, have to get out, Dad won't do it. Uncle had major MI, needs quadruple bypass. We have house sitting empty due to blk. mould. I get call from neighbor saying lowlifes are hanging around it. My life looks like a picnic compared to some others. Hoping for better days ahead.
Posted 11/3/2008 2:18 PM (GMT 0)
I guess i shouldn't complain about my life because you guys have it much worse than me. I hope that things get better for all of you.
Posted 11/3/2008 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
It's not a contest everyone. Troubles are troubles, and we all have them. Stress worsens BP so we need to be aware of how our own troubles affect us.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, can'tgoback. I hope the new drug helps you feel better so you can focus on seeking help. Are your parents insured? Do you have a family (wife/husband, kids?)

serafena
Posted 11/3/2008 6:11 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Twisted

So sorry you are going through all of this.  You know, it sounds like you feel like I feel alot of the time - I am just not myself and haven't been since early in 08.  I long for the old Georgie Girl. 

I am glad you are talking regularly with your doctor.  Keep those lines of communication open with him/her and with us.   All of us can relate in some way with your feelings and empathize.

GG      shakehead

Posted 11/3/2008 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi peeps,hope you are feeling a little better today,that the sun may shine thru in some little way for you all today.
Sometimes it can be just the little things we do that can make a difference..May I suggest an exercise that may be of assistance,start a journal,write in it every day,the things you are thank-ful for...
Maybe start with real little things,your folks ,or people you know who care about you.
the things that can give you a smile.
also ,make notes of things you would like to achieve-start small.
I did this -& as I used to re-read old notes,I was amazed at how much I had good going on in my life,sometimes the black hole robs us of this perspective-& by doing this I got a constant reminder that not all was bad in my life----remember you are groovey people & there is light at the end of the tunnel-but we must do some things to try to make our lives better--you guys ROCK----keep rocking dudes,you can find joy again ,this is my promise to you.......Keep doing the little things....& DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!!!!
Posted 11/4/2008 7:22 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Twisted,

I hope that you feel somewhat better today. I want to "ditto" serafena's 1st response to you,...I absolutely agree with her.

Twisted, I remember feeling the same way you are at the beginning and even the full 1st year of my treatment. It was very rough, but I kept in close contact with my pdoc and therapist. We tried a lot of different medications and combination of medications and different dosages. Unfortunately for most of us it does take a very long time to find the right cocktail. And to be honest, I still need my medications tweaked every now and then. But that goes with the reality of living with bp.

I remember longing for the "real me" to surface again. I even forgot what the "real me" was like! It takes time working with your pdoc, therapist and a lot of effort on our part.

I understand. I've been there. Please keep up the good fight. It does get better.

May you have a peaceful day. blush

Posted 11/4/2008 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
Morning everyone-hope you are doin ok today-I know sometimes it can feel so tough,& we wonder how we will even get through this day...But remember,this day is just a moment in time,there is many more to come,& we do need need to build the whole wall in one day.Take time just to relax,chill,& smell the roses of your day,the people in your life,think of the special times,that have melted your hearts,& believe they will return....this is just a moment in time-please don't make yourself stress,by feeling the need to solve all your probs overnight...Love to all of you....
Posted 11/5/2008 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
Twisted-

I'm so sorry you're feeling unlike yourself. I think that is why most people go off their meds (and those who feel better and don't think they "need" their meds anymore).

Please give your new drug a chance and keep in mind that there's always hope, there's always the opportunity for a tweak to be made and it's never too late to reach out when you're feeling like you need support.

The meds can be a cruel partner to a bitc* of an illness.

Although I do not have bp, my fiance does, my experience with him has taught me that rarely are the meds correct the first couple of tries. Our experience is that finally, after years of going on and off and 10 months of steady treatment with a doctor who listens (it seems as though yours has a kind ear) and close behavioral monitoring of him (and his general mood) we have found the correct balance of meds (and therapy) so that he feels he's at his baseline.

Even with the correct meds, he still experiences moods and is more sensitive to stress triggers than perhaps an individual without his disease would be. A stable life is not always in the rearview mirror. It may be ahead for you. Please do not give up hope.

Just to reiterate what Serafena said...it's not a contest. We all have troubles with our without bipolar. To compare hinders our own perspective and does a disservice to those we're trying to support on this forum.
Posted 11/5/2008 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks to everyone for your responses. I am feeling better today. I think the cipralex is helping some. I know it will take time. I am just not a patient person, lol.
Posted 11/7/2008 12:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there Twisted71-so awesome to hear you are feeling brighter today,wickedly great news mate...always remember to take care of you-Give yourself time to just chill,treat yourself in lots of little ways that are affordable,& pat yourself on the back-you deserve it.Just because you refuse to lie down & give up,its a battle on some days,but its a winnable battle-I applaude you dude.
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