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Posted 11/6/2008 10:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

Just read the note about introducing myself before I reply on a thread. Oops too late I just did it. Please accept my appoligies.

I have joined to get support for myself whilst living with my bipolar wife.

I have been married 17yrs and together 22yrs. My wife was diagnosed 5yrs ago, one year after her first manic attack. When my wife gets ill I am percieved as the bad guy even though I am always supportive. My wife has relapsed four times and the last two times she has asked for a divorce.

My wife is just coming down from the last manic attack and heading into depression. I'm taking some time off work to try and prevent myself breaking down with all the stress. Our three children are coping well but its been a roller coaster ride for them too.

 

Posted 11/6/2008 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi bpsoshare,

Thanks for taking the time to introduce yourself. We appreciate it. Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I think you will find that there are lots of spouses on this board who are struggling with exactly the same troubles you are: the mood swings, the marital troubles, the stress on yourself and your family. I hope you find it helpful to have a place to vent and share, and we can do our best to support and hear you out.

Take care,
serafena
Posted 11/6/2008 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Newbie,

I am BP and I have been married 25 years. I was just diagnosed 2 years ago but have always had symptoms of Hyperactivity. about 4 years ago I started behaving in a manner that was not me at all and getting depressed and drinking alot (I thought that was ok because I held down a 40+ hour a week job, took care of my children and household, but after the kids went to sleep I would self medicate every night). I finally sought help, quit drinking and am on meds for BP. I am just about as stable as I have been in a while. When I would be very manic I would always want to leave my husband, just throw it all away for no reason other than I felt like my whole world was spinning out of control and I just wanted to be by myself until it stopped. I wanted to stop the world and just get off for a while until I felt better. This must be a common feeling for manic people. But each and everyday now, I am thankful that my husband is still there for me, still loves me and I did not ruin all our years together. Do not think he is comfortable with this, he does not like talking about it, just more of a quiet acceptance. He just doesn't want me to be ill.

In short, there is light at the end of the tunnel, just take one day at a time. The BP person has to want to be well. If you want it, you must work for it.

Good Luck
Posted 11/7/2008 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hi BPsoshare-cool to have you here with us.I have not been in your shoe's,but on the other side of the fence.But I can understand how hard it is for you.I encourage you to stand firm in your love for your wife,there will be a time in the future that you will look back,& be so thankful that you stuck in there,we do get out of these times eventually.
Having you there & being supportive ,will make the world of difference for your wife ,believe me.
My wife left me through my dark times,it was too much for her to take-& she couldnt understand it all.I think she also took it personally ,that if she couldnt make me happy & bright,then there must be something wrong ,with the relationship,& that I needed someone else.She was wrong of coarse,What I needed was her acceptance,& love-Bi-poler is an illness,just one of the mind & emotions.It had nothing to do with her as a person.Funnily enough once I came healthy again,she became interested again,& we got back together,but that only lasted a year & off she ran again...Hang in there mate,there is nothing more precious in life than a committed Love relationship-I wish you all the best,your wife's illness & moods are nothing to do with you & your love for her LACKING.I know it can get real hard,but the fight is worth it in the end.I assure you living life on your own is even worse& harder the older we get.I admire you for your committment my friend-keep up the awesome thing that you do...
Posted 11/7/2008 9:57 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the posts. It's good to hear from others who have bipolar. I find it hard separating out what's bipolar and what's a dynamic of our marriage. With the divorce I just wait it out and see what happens when the worst part of the cycle is over. At present my wife is adamant she wants a divorce more so than in previous relapse. The glimmer of hope is that her judgement is clearly a little off when discussing relationships at her work (she still works all through relapse!) so I can assume her judgement of our marriage will be a little off aswell.
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