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Posted 11/6/2008 6:15 PM (GMT 0)

confused  why do I feel the way I feel?   Empty when I am full.  Sad, mad, scared, and anxious, panic, lost.  I feel like everything I do is not getting finished, start something and it does not feel finished.  I dwell on the pain, and stair into space wishing it would all go away.  Will I stay like this for life?  I feel depressed, empty and sad.  I took seriqual one hour early so maybe I can sleep through the pain.  The past is gone now I just worry about the future, scared to death.  I sit here and stair at the words, so hard to explain and what the pain is, but it’s in my heart.  It actually hurts.  I’m trying to make it through this but why; why is this happening.  I can’t sit in the silence, the silence is killing me. Makes me worse.  I need a magic pill to fix this I don’t want days like this.   Is it depression, bipolar, or plan insanity? 

Posted 11/6/2008 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Fast

Hang on!   Others will come on and do more for you than I can.

Oh my, it sounds like you feel like I felt the first three months of this year.  Useless, hopeless, and helpless.   It might help you to know that I am much better now, still have bad days but more good than bad.  Early this year I didn't want to go on living like that. 

You mention Seroquel.  You must be under the treatment of a physician.  Can you see him or her and tell him how you are feeling - maybe you need a medication tweak?  I know it took alot of trial and error to find the right meds for me.

GG

Posted 11/7/2008 1:41 AM (GMT 0)
fast1toochase,

Hello dearest, hang in there. It's going to be okay.

That's depression, of course. Bipolar too. Just pulling you down into the big hole. You've got to resist though. You've got to fight back. Get out of the house. Shake yourself off, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts, and do something else. Sitting and dwelling just lets the depression get the best of you. You're stronger than that. You can fight it out.

What's something you enjoyed doing before you got depressed? Get to it, now! Force yourself. Even if you change rooms, sometimes that helps. Just staring at the walls will make you nuts. Go look out the window instead. Go run errands.

It's time to call the doc again and let him/her know the meds aren't working yet. I know you just had an appointment. When's your next one?

serafena
Posted 11/7/2008 5:59 AM (GMT 0)
Fast...you need to hang in there and remember that the depression is sneaking up on you.  We all sink into the hole from time to time, you just need to try and not let it take you.  Like serafena said...do something you enjoy.  Remind yourself of the wonderful things in life...and talk to your doctor about the meds maybe not working.

Posted 11/7/2008 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Boy, can I relate. Up until about two months ago, I was right there with you. Finally, I got to see a pdoc, got some appropriate meds and feel soooo much better. There is a soooooo much better out there for you to, just put one foot in front of the other. Move towards any trusted professional you can find, and remember, it's your body, your mind, and your spirit. Think about what has snapped you out of it in the past. Go get that. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, feel it and move on. If today is not a good day, tomorrow will be. Love and best wishes from those who know.

Posted 11/7/2008 10:52 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your response you help me so much! today is a hard day lots of pain, crying, i am doing stuff i just want to hide in my bed, but i can't. i pase back and forth. on computer off computer. everything is so up and down. i just want to be comfortable in my own skin and be content. god will that come to me.
I am not in the best place, there is change in my life, so that is making things 100% worse. i don't know if i am being in rapit cycle or this is just me. there is only so long we or I can handle this stress in are body. stress is a dangerous thing makes us very sick. i guess i will tell my doc but i don't see him to the end of the month, and its hard if you see him on a good day. i have a built-in forgetter. some times things are good, but most time in afternoon exsesilly are worse. lonleyness can be a killer. i am trying to stay conneccted.
sorry about spelling, i'm so bad
Thank you everyone!
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