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Posted 11/12/2008 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
Some of you may know already but my brother was diagnosed with lymphoma back in July. He was doing good for a while with the chemo but now it has gotten worse and it is now in stage 4 so there is nothing they can do for him anymore except make him comfortable. They are going to move him to a hospice facility sometime this week. So I am really depressed about it all and what makes it even worse is that I can't get back home to be with him. I can only talk to him on the phone and that is only when he isn't drugged up on pain meds. I also worry about my mom. She has been with him since august and I can only imagine how tired she is and how worried she is having to see him go through all of this. I just really wish I could be there with them. I am just having a really hard time with it all. I guess I just needed to get it all out. thanks for listening.
Posted 11/12/2008 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hello twisted,

I feel your pain...whenever my dad was terminal I lived almost 1000 miles away and the visits were few and far between. It was very difficult for him to talk on the phone (he had a lung disease) and eventually couldn't talk on the phone at all. My mom had a heavy load on her and my brother, who lived in the same town, was absolutely no help whatsoever. I had a lot of guilt and stayed in a depression most of the time (wasn't diagnosed as bp at the time). I can only imagine how you must feel (if it's anything like I did) and my heart goes out to you!!! All I can say is express your love to your mom and brother whenever you can, know that there are people here that have gone through what you are experiencing now and that we care about you and are willing to listen and talk when you need someone to share with. (((((Hugs))))) to you and here's hoping that tomorrow will be a better day!!!!
Posted 11/12/2008 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Twisted,

I'm so sorry to hear of your brother. I really feel for you and your family. It must be so hard on you and on them. I know you must be feeling guilty, but try not to. I too am far away from my family and my grandmother just underwent treatment for colon cancer. It's so hard to be away when your family is suffering. But there's little to be done, so don't beat yourself up about it. Yankeepeaches is right, just express your love and concern as often as you can and let them know your heart is with them.

serafena
Posted 11/13/2008 12:12 AM (GMT 0)

Please do not beat yourself up because you can not be there for the daily care.  Hospice is a wonderful option for those who are able to use it in a time of need.  Please know that under hospice care your mother will be getting a lot of assistance...not only with his medical, hygeine, daily care...but also spiritual and mental care.  Most hospices have on staff clergy and therapists at your disposal and if I were you I would recommend to her that she take full advantage.   But for you too.  I do not know where you live but many hospices offer counseling services to people like you...family of the terminally ill.  When going through hospice with my grandfather...I can not say enough good things about our experience.  Our local hospice even has a summer camp each year for children who have suffered through the loss of a loved one the past year.  

 The best to make yourself not feel so down, is to talk to both your mother and brother as much as you can.  I am sure you all know of eachothers' love for one another...and you must know that your brother is aware that you would be there if you could.

Just please do not beat yourself up over something that nothing can be done about...and make the best you can out of a trying situation.  I will keep your brother in my thoughts.

Posted 11/14/2008 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Twisted,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I understand this is a very difficult time for you. I only want to ditto what everyone has already told you.

 

I will keep you and your brother in my thoughts.

 

(((Gentle Hugs)))

sukay

 

Posted 11/14/2008 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your replies.  Your support really means a lot to me. 

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