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Posted 1/2/2009 6:24 AM (GMT 0)
I just read a post that made me realize all my bipolar peeps have been pretty quiet. Where are y'all?

Roll call. How you doing?

I'll start...

I made it through my vacation okay but it was hugely stressful. I had one breakdown of crying my eyes out for like a half hour, but otherwise I did okay. I am SOOO glad to be home though. Mood's been up and down (imagine that!) I won't know again for sure how I'm doing for a day or so when I stabilize again.

serafena
Posted 1/2/2009 7:17 AM (GMT 0)

I overall have had a good holiday.  No $ mania...even with the Christmas shopping.  We tried to spend a few days at our land, but ended up staying only one night.  There was so much snow we couldn't even drive all the way back to our lot so we used the quad to get about 8 loads of our stuff to the trailer.  With a 15,10 & 6 year old girls it is hard to keep everyone happy and busy in those circumstances, so we packed it up!  So that was kinda stressful, and might I add painful, I strained my back somehow.  But we did have fun that night playing cards and sitting around the campfire.

I'm glad you had a good time and I bet you loved to get home...I know how that feels  :)

Posted 1/2/2009 9:03 AM (GMT 0)

Hey all! I had a good Xmas! Hope you all did too!? I was generally ok, but a few days where I was down and struggling and a few when I was down and struggling and then ok by the afternoon, then struggling again at night! LOL!

My first day back at work today and I really dont wanna be here.  I just want to tuck myself away and do some writing. Still waiting for my Psych appointment....god bless the British NHS...it has the speed of a snail!

I've been sleeping 3-4 hours in a row most nights and then waking up and dozing and often falling asleep again so I've been lucky.  Often wake up after those 3-4 hours thinking tho and that sometimes means I'm lucky to just doze.  Mornings have been the worst for me I think.

Anyway, speak soon xxxx

Posted 1/3/2009 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
 happy New  year,,,,,,, my bipolar 1 is stable with meds... no manic times.. right now... My Christmas was very blessed, my daughter bought me 11 gifts. Coconut cologne from Victoria Secret. was my favorite..

hugs, Caren

Posted 1/3/2009 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone,   i been so depressed that i can't get into writting.  they just up my lamictal from 100mg to 200mg.  They say that will help with the depresstion.  i hope so i am so tierd of feeling this way.  its nice to share again, i been trying to read the posts just i can't consintrate on the reading my head has been so busy.  good idea for role call!  i'll try to stay in touch. hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!  fast 1


Posted 1/3/2009 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
Good to hear from you all so far. Big hugs to you fast1. Hang in there! We've all been there. Let us know if you need us!

serafena
Posted 1/3/2009 8:54 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, I am not feeling great. Yesturday I was hyper and couldn't stay in one place all day. Doc is starting me on Geodon tonight. Just came out of a 2 month long depression and now I feel either numb or like crying wondering WHY this is happening. I just have had symptoms of this BP 2 for the past 7 months and am still baffled and angry and sad wondering where my life is going. I don't want to get out of bed in the am because I never know what mood will be there.

Sorry this was so long and thatnks for asking. How are you doing?

Posted 1/4/2009 1:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hello
im on the down slope i think - started the rocking foot tapping just dont want to feel like this anymore, fighting back tears, would like to feel nothing at all. just be normal like everyone else. and of course hiding it extremely well (well that or husband cant see me) - should have been an actress. feel a little isolated. doctor tomorrow after work - oh god work ........ dig deep.... hopefully soon optimistically i will be fine.
husband just said "gee these floors need doing" and i felt like stabbing him and then crying. God I am a weirdo but at least im relatively interesting. going to reach for the Val now.... and yes probably do the floors, get ready for work arghhhhh i hate mornings....
thanks for letting me rant.
nice to know im not alone - even if you are million miles away.
Posted 1/4/2009 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
i've been doing okay. joining a clinical trial at stanford, so ill be working with a very good pdoc instead of the county doc. i havent officially posted here at the BP side. was dxd MDD then after a month dxd BP 2 rapid cycling.

btw, my sister gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl today :). what a blessing.

eli
Posted 1/4/2009 1:59 AM (GMT 0)

   Had a decent holiday, and the end to a too stressful year. 2009 will hopefully be  alot better. Still battling a low grade depression, but some days are better than others. ALso didnt spend to much, actually just spent 350.00 on ebay yesterday. However that was all i have spent lately and it was for something i have been looking for for over year and was a great example of the item.

    Seeing a doctor soon but have learned to live on abilify. No more skin crawling, feelign like jumping out of my skin feelings.

    Again, heres hoping to a great new year to all of us.

    Bill

Posted 1/4/2009 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
SOOOOO good to hear from you all. Trying2getby -- congrats on the niece! What wonderful news. I hope the trial continues to go well.

Big hugs to you all.

serafena
Posted 1/4/2009 7:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

I've been on break since the thurs. before Christmas; not to boast, but I don't go back to school till Jan. 18. The extended break has been nice and rewarding because it has given me time to stabilize as far as my meds are concerned; but my daily schedule still lacks major organization (i.e. eating diner at 1 AM).

Funny enough but lately I've been feeling like I have no time to rest. I play the Alto Sax in a Ska Band called The U.N. Posse (search name via youtube for latest vids) and we've been practicing at least twice a week 3+ hours a day for the last 2 weeks--it doesn't seem like a lot. But, when you don't get more than 3 or so hours a sleep a night and only eat 1 meal a day+snacks, you tend to tire out a lot faster. We had a show on New Years in a local library and tonight we were headliners for Big D.(now solo artist) and Tri-State Conspiracy (an AMAZING Ska band with a swing style!)

I'm not really in the mood to write so I'll just pinpoint a couple of things. I already binged twice: once on Christmas eve, once on New Year's eve. I take meds, I know I shouldn't be drinking. Hears the thing, I feel no regret. On C.E. I had 4 shots of whiskey scotch, a glass of french raspberry flavored vodka, 1 1/2 glasses of red whine (Italian) and 2 glasses of white whine (Portuguese). New Years I had even more to drink, need I bother to list. I feel like each time that I drink I find that I have a higher tolerance than the last time; I want to push my limits so that I can get drunk. I love feeling drunk and getting that high; or intensifying my high if I'm manic. My psych. says that I'm very close to becoming an alcoholic, I know that she's right

Anyhow, I'm definitely feeling my meds have worn off due to the alcohol--very mixed episodes, and more dysmic (sp?) depression.

On a positive note, I've broadened my Ska repertoire with the amazing Tri-State Conspiracy!

Music is my life.

For those whom have had good things happen to them in the last few weeks congrats, for those like myself whom haven't had it so easy, stay strong.
Posted 1/4/2009 7:36 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Serafena

Been gone a while. My wife and I were so broke for a while we had to drop our cable.

Things inproving. I had a wreck a while back, I explained it in an earlier post. Due to my over-reaction I have to go to court for resisting arrest. I have a long arrest record, but after the court looked at the circumstances and how it is associated with my disease they backed off some. Had to be evaluated. Lawyer thinks I most likely get a suspended sentence and probation.

Spent some time at the hosp due to depression. Had bad rash reaction to ambilify.

I'm working as a stocker at a grocery store. Pays very little but it is easy. Have to walk everywhere because we only have one car now and my wife needs it for her work. My 3 mile walk to and from work is helping, I need the exercise. Today, on my walk to work I helped a guy with a clogged fuel filter on his car, it was nice to help someone out.

That is all Hope I find you all well.

Cap

Posted 1/4/2009 8:01 AM (GMT 0)
Mackem i know what you are talking about - especially not wanting to be at work instead be all tucked up at home except i dont write - i just want to do nothing.

Sher211 be so careful ..... I reckon you can build up a tolerance to alcohol too - but like all tolerances, they run their course and something eventually breaks - unfortunately people on our meds will suffer the repercussions much worse..... eventually. and then guilt sets in and the paranoia and all the rest of the crap...... well thats what happens to me.

I drink sometimes just basically a mid strength beer no more than four stubbies, but when i go at it a bit much more its a horrible feeling especially the next day. the unreasonable guilt and worry and stress. why do we bother huh ??
Posted 1/4/2009 9:09 AM (GMT 0)
well for a number of reasons: depression-feeling the high that alcohol gives
mania-intensifying high/wanting high to last; I believe that bipolars are most impulsive when it comes to substances like alcohol, it's impossible for me to say "no" as I'm sure it is for others.

It's ironic how I can counsel others on drinking and such and manage to make an impact; meanwhile, I can barely stick to the advice that I'm giving
Posted 1/4/2009 11:45 AM (GMT 0)
sher211 - exactly - i can talk the talk but cant necessarily walk the walk. i know exactly what i would do for my friend or child suffering this - but for me i keep toughing it out, despising myself and hiding it at many costs - not giving myself a break at all. But your post is very very true- one beer aint enough the more the better i think i am it makes me funnier and happier...... for a while at least !
you are intelligent and creative - good luck at your next gig and take care of you.
Posted 1/4/2009 2:00 PM (GMT 0)

Happy New Year from BP Gemini,

Low-key holiday, slight ups and downs but ok now.  Off all meds except Xanax occasionally, have gone herbal again because I have been on every mood stabilizer known to man and cannot get stable or tolerate any of them.  My PDoc retired and now I have to find another one but what is the point?  If there job is to prescribe medication that I can't take, what is the point of going?  Oh well, I will figure something out.  Actually, I have felt pretty good for the last week considering, holidays, things going crazy at work, etc.

I hope 2009 is a great year for all of us.

Later

BP Gemini

Posted 1/5/2009 10:15 AM (GMT 0)
Serafena, what does Bump mean?

Posted 1/5/2009 4:13 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry all for not being on the forum for a while. I had a fantastic break in Delhi, got my meds changed - I am now on Amisulpride, Tegretol, Haloperidol and anti-depressants. I came back and started crying. I have been crying since the last two days. I don't feel like getting out of bed. My mother has found some volunteering for me to do starting tomorrow. I have no idea how I will be able to drag myself from bed. I am hoping the antidepressants take effect soon.
Posted 1/5/2009 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi guys: I'm so glad to see you all. It's like my friends coming to visit!

Mackem: bump just is a way to move the post back to the top of the page.

Shebsy: I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Get up and do the volunteering. You have to move! The more you move the better you'll feel, no matter how impossible it seems.

Big hugs to all,
serafena
Posted 1/9/2009 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hello gang,

Sorry for such a delayed response, would you believe depression is the culprit??? rolleyes    Ya, I had an episode over the holidays, it bottomed out over New Years...was pretty scary for 6 days and then I finally saw my pdoc and we're upping the Lamictal....going to go all the way up to 400 mg.  So we shall see.  I felt better Tuesday this week, then I was hypomanic yesterday...Today I'm a bit down again...Ah the cycling, love it.

Anyway, I really made use of our local Crisis team during this depression.  Thank goodness they were there.  Got me through until I could get help from pdoc.

The holidays are tough for us bps I think, but I did have some joy at Christmas with my family, little nephew etc.  I read all of your posts and it's so comforting to know I'm not alone.  I wish we didn't have to experience this at all.  I was really feeling alone the one day during this episode, my bf was talking about how much he disagrees with the meds etc.  Ugh!  The last thing I needed.  I had to talk to someone who understood what I need to do to get better, meds are a part of that, and although there is a part of me that doesn't like that either, I tried being off them for a year and boy was that a mistake.

Anyway, I think it's important for all of us to keep communicating about what meds we're on and the effects.  I will keep you posted about my Lamictal over the next bit (It'll take 3 weeks to get there). 

Thinking of all of you, many hugs smilewinkgrin

Posted 1/10/2009 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
hello!!
I am B/P w/ Hep -C & hplori, full hysterectomy..so I'm completely out of my mind..from hotflashes extreme mood swings...Manic I love and last a long time..but when it crashes i want to die...I get crippling lows..my Mother is deteriating from Alzimers..she's gettin worse..she's 85..that's depressing enough..when I'm manic..I run and take good care of my Mom..when I'm severely depressed .now..I'm crashing....I feel like I have a gorilla on top of my head..alot of drama..I been thru tons of meds..never kept up w/ the sight effects and why I had to stop..I cant take anything in the depekote family cuz of the sodium..I gain ton of weigh..and my Mother & sisters are Diabetic..except for me..Cymbalta worked wonders I was jumping out of bed w/ no pain..unfortunalty..I got a horrible reaction..of welts and rashes...all over my body and w/ my menopause it felt like someone set me on fire!!
I tried premin for menopause,I became an animal..so I decided not to take anything for menopause..
I'm more concern for my hplori, and the depression I have now...
I read that hplori makes you tired..& depression also..
so now I have zoloft and tegretol...I haven't tried it yet..
I have to keep a certain weight cuz of Diabetes in my family and my back problems..
.does anyone know how good these pills work together? although everyone is different.
.I would like to get some input...zeprexa lefted me w/ my jaw grinding...I catch myself stuttering alot..
can't focus @ all..I'm all over the place..my mind....while I cannot lift my arms @ time...
great!! more diseases to make me more depressed..
thank yall....
Posted 1/10/2009 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, ya'll: I have been on a rollar coaster for these, past ten days or so. Tried to make a low key Christmas with my Dad and my youngest son, who came to relieve me of the 24/7/365 caretaking of Dad with alzheimers. Christmas day was ok but Dad blew up afterward. Everything was wrong. I cleaned his Bathroom, he *****ed, I swear for three straight days. My son was in living room watching TV one night, dear demented Dad came out and turned set off. Next night he spent wandering around the house opening and closing all our bedroom doors. Finally, about five days ago, he attempted to assault my son, who he had pinned in the kitchen, my son would never strike back, but he was cornered. I stepped between them and told Dad he had to the count of five to step back or the police would be called. He stared me down. Police came. Also 2 ambulances with burly attendents. Dad went in and donned his blue jays hat, stepped up into that ambulance like he was going to a baseball game. Two ambulances later we arrived at a hospital with a psychiatrist on duty. Dad was admitted for obsevation. He failed and is now deemed unsafe to self and others. He sits on the edge of the bed in the local hospital, wondering "what happened". He is now wait listed for next available alzheimer's bed. I collapsed after it was all over. All the questions, all the drama, all the forms to fill out, all the relatives calling to see what's up. What's up is definitely not me. Even with the 150mgs. a day of Zoloft and 100mgs. amyltriptilene at night, and an occasional valium thrown in for those horrid days, I wonder if situational depression even responds to medication. I had been doing ok. Not great, but ok. Now I have phones turned off and am spending a good part of my hiatus from horror, curled up in bed. Managed to walk a mile today with my dog, that may be my only way out.

Posted 1/10/2009 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
yeesh! I'm so glad for holidays i lock myself in the bedroom and don't come out until after the chaos passes. I agree, i think holidays are horrible for BPs...all that stress.

I'm feeling a little better today compared to the last month of cripling depression. i'm looking forward to my dr apointment wendsday (i was just going to see teh councelor but then i made an apt for my pcd also to discuss medications the paxil alone is doing nothing at all). i had a nightmare last night though about it that the dr wouldnt give me anything until i saw a real physciatrist (which i can't afford) and the councelor couldn't recomend anything....ahhh!
Posted 1/11/2009 2:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Frankie,

Welcome to Healing Well and to the bipolar board. Glad you're here. It sounds like you've got several troubles keeping you busy. I've never tried the tegretol and zoloft. Let us know how they work for you. I hope you enjoy the conversation here and jump right in.


Tyno:

Oh no! What a mess! But in the end, maybe your father will be better off. But I know right now this feels like a disaster. Try to take care of yourself. I know we're the last people we think about in situations like this, but if you let the stress get to you and you don't sleep well, it's only gonna get worse, so try and keep a relatively normal schedule and remember your dad's a big boy. He'll be okay.

serafena
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