Kids, custody and bipolar

Y'all may recognize me from my posts on other threads.....Hi again!

Now that it seems apparent that my marriage is going down in flames fast and furiously, I have to wonder about our children. I know, short term, I can facilitate visits for them with their dad. But, in his current state, I WILL NOT leave them unsupervised with him. He is just too unpredictable right now.

But, at what point do I reevaluate that? How will I know he is in the right state of mind to take care of our precious babes? Is that for me to decide or should I leave that in the hands of the courts? Should I just try to continue facilitating visits when he (husband) or they (kids) request it? I would ask his doctor to advise me on this, but I have no faith in his ability to treat BPD -- his attempts have only made things worse so far. I don't have access to the "new" psychologist he will see on Thursday.

The last wrinkle is that his assistant, who he has taken up with (so conveniently), is also mentally ill. I am not sure of her exact diagnosis, but I do know she has been hospitalized for suicide attempts in the past. I do not want my kids in that sort of environment. Is that wrong? Am I just being bitter now? I just cannot envision leaving the 3 of them with 2 people who are so needy themselves.

I hope this is not coming across as insensitive. I do not mean to paint all sufferers of mental illness with the same brush. I do not want to imply that the brave men and women who battle mental illness cannot be good moms and dads. It is just scary to think of 2 people with known, documented and barely treated issues (not to mention their history of substance abuse) having to look after our children. It really scares me to death!

Irrational? Responsible? Bitter? Enlightened? I can't tell..... What is y'alls take on this?

I agree with getting a lawyer. It is in everyone's best interest. You do not want to do something to jeopardize your custody of the children so make sure you can think of everything that your husband might have said to you in the past.
Even little things like if in the past he's told you he's afraid that one day he could hurt the kids in a fit of rage, etc - all of that will be useful to you.
Good Luck and let us know how it goes for you.

Thanks everyone. Serafena, you are probably right..........so far he has not even brought it up. He has only asked to see them once since last Sunday. He has called only one other time. He may not have any interest in anything other than visitation from time to time. We will have to wait and see. I would rather agree on it ahead of time than create some drawn-out battle. They have seen/heard/experienced enough. The kids don't need any additional turmoil.

Thanks again! I will let you know what happens next.

Falling,

There is another option - to use mediation with an attorney, if you think your husband will work with you and have the stability to make joint decisions regarding what's in the best interest of the children. This will cut costs, keep the children's well being at the center of the divorce, give you and your husband control over custody agreements, and will hopefully prevent a court battle.

When I've entertained the idea of leaving my husband with our 2 children, this was always my biggest fear as well, knowing that we both absolutely adore our children. I am more concerned of the unpredictable behaviour that can be triggered by STRESS. Not good for making rational decisions or for anyone involved.

I am so sorry you are facing this. I am thinking of you and sending you strength and hope. It's very sad for everyone involved - he more than likely doesn't realize what he's losing, you are heartbroken and sad, and I hate it for the children.

More later, have to run for now...

Hugs,

4support