He planned to kill us.

I'm really freakin out right now. I just received a phone call from the Ministry of Children and Family Development.  They had a meeting with my husband today and thought they should warn me about their conversation.  He told them that he was planning to kill me and the boys.  He had plotted, time and method of doing it right down to the end.  I mean I knew he had bad thoughts of "what if" but I guess it went farther than that.  I wasn't afraid until now.  I mean, I guess it's good that he's seeking help, but I mean what IF.  OMG.  What if he's hugging me and squeezing a little too tight so I ask him to ease up and he snaps at just that moment and does something like strangle me?

The ministry worker asked me out of the blue if I had any serious allergies.  I told him that I did and my oldest son did to nuts and peanuts and he said point blank - do not eat anything that he cooks for you guys.  He's thought of the perfect timing, ways to do it (suffocating us with pillows, drowning us, strangulation) and I don't know what to think.

Do people recover from this?  Is this part of BD?  Or another mental illness?  What do I do?  Obviously he's not allowed back at home until these feelings are gone........but the ministry worker too says that sometimes there is a calm before the storm and even though he may "seem" better, sometimes people that kill their family seem better before they actually do it b/c they've accepted it in their minds beforehand.\

Am I in danger?  OMG.  What do I do?  What do I think?

 

Oh my God! I am so glad he is in the hospital right now and you are safe. That is the case, right? How can the Ministry just tell you not to eat anything he cooks for you? Shouldn't they be telling you to get your children to safety and away from this? What are you supposed to do now? Is there any way to live with him again? I would be terrified. What if in my husband's evaluation (now he is going on Sunday, I'll believe it when I see it) he reveals such a thing. Is love enough to conquer that?

I know all BP sufferers deserve love, compassion, kindness and respect. But what do you do with this kind of information/situation?

Please, please, lease stay safe and keep your precious children safe!

(((((HUGS)))))

I'm just so confused.
I know that I'm in potential danger but at the same time he isn't home. He is still at the psych ward. The guy that called me said that it's good he can talk about it because it means he is asking for help. If he was keeping it to himself and just giving all the "right" answers then I should be really worried b/c it would mean that he plans to act on his thoughts and doesn't want anyone to know. I talked to him tonight and asked him how he's doing. They put him on Seroquel and he says although he feels better knowing that me and the kids are safe, he's really confused about the thoughts he's having. Why he's having them and where they are coming from. He said that he would never EVER willingly act on them and wants to get help to make them go away.
My mom said that it sounds like he has a hate-on for women. Maybe because his mom is such a B**** and seems to not give 2 craps about him. I'm sure she does love him in her own way but she sure can be a cold one. And since I'm the closest to him, I'd be the one to get the brunt of his anger when/if he ever snapped. I do see this and I do understand but i'm really having a tough time accepting it.
How can this man that I married that loves me and I love him, ever hurt me and the kids? I don't understand. I'm not jumping on the divorce train just yet as I feel as long as he is seeking help, there is hope. He does need some serious psychiatric help and thank God he's in the right place right now!

  No matter what you decide, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. As i am sure that all who read this thread are keeping you in their thoguhts and prayers also. In the end you will have to make some hard, serious decisions. There are no perfect answers here, but you have to look out for your children and yourself first. I hope he is all talk, and that the stress of this desease is just causing him to act out. I hope he finds the inner peace to either move on or at least come to some kind of truce with his demons.

    Good luck.  Bill

BD;
I can see why you think your hubby hates women because of the way his mother treated him. My wife's father was this way. We all think he had BP himseslf that was undiagnosed he definatly had some sort of mental disorder that caused a lot of the same behavior that my wife now has, only he chose to medicate himself with booze. What a lovely combination that was. So now my wife has all these issues with men that I am continually being crucified for. She has no trust in men because of this plus the guy before me cheated on her. Now that her father has died, she has no other man to project her anger to except......guess who. I mean it has always been there, but it seems to be worse now that he is gone.

I hope nothing but the best for you & the kids. Keep yourself strong. Sit and ask yourself the hard questions & all the what ifs. Weigh your options heavily. This is a very serious thing. He may come out of the hospital felling good & be a whole new person. That would be great, but what if he stops taking his meds because he thinks he doesn't need them because he feels better(as BPs are notorious for doing), but I think that is probably human nature to do that. I told you in my last one about my wifes cousin, she seems to be doing good now, but it has been about 15 years since that all happened. When she got out of the hospital(she was arrested over the stabbing) she then had community service for the charges. She ended up stalking the police officer that arrested her & got in more trouble. More time in the hospital & legal trouble. Now she is under a court order to take her meds, if she quits takeing them she will go to jail again. This will not be an easy rosd for you no matter which direction you go with it, but stay strong for you & your kids. Just be sure that you don't let your heart override your head, there is too much at stake here.

We're here for you, remember that.
Rocket

that is so horrible, i'm very sorrry you and your family have to go through this.

I'll have to lend my opinion to agree with the others. it sounds harsh but yes, you need to get a restraining order and some type of divorce or seperation. its not abandoning him. don't think like that. its protecting yourself and your children. you can restablish a relationship with him if/when he gets well; but until that happens dont' risk your own saftey (or your children's).

hommicidal thoughts (just liek suicidal ones) are nothing to take lightly...ever. there is no joke when someone says they want to go kill themselves; its no more a joke when they say they want to go kill their loved ones, sadly if you look at statistics spree murders are very often caused by biploars/sychosphrenics/or borderline personality disorders do not risk it.