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New member living with BP Spouse and son

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Posted 1/26/2009 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
I have known and loved my wife for the past ten years. For the majority of that time I thought that she was just a pain in the but and that it was her personality. I felt that I had to walk on eggshells with her and did not know why. It wasn't until about 2 years ago that we found out that she had BP. We got her on meds but that as apperantly with most people with BP she gained alot of weight couldn't get out of bed and felt worse. she missed her highs and thought that now that she knows what it is that causes it she could control it. As you can probably guess that did not happen the way that she wanted it to. i know that she loves me and she know that I love her. I know that I probably don't handle her moods the best way possible but I am not sure how to handle it anymore. I am getting all of the anger that she gets from the kids, work and everywhere else it all gets directed and taken out on me. I know that it is not her is is the BP but it really is getting hard for me to handle. She has just started lithium a week ago and I know that they will play with her dosage and more than likely change meds a couple of times but she is scared of ending up like she did before. I have to deal with the manipulation and the jealousy that I have read in several posts and seemes quite common. How does everyone deal with that I have to deal with females on a daily bases for my job and she checks my work cell phone almost daily and gets made when there are female names on the call log and the texting. Even though I know that she somewhere past the BP knows that nothing is going on. All that does is start one of her moods to kick in that last a couple of hours. I dont know what to do. There is alot more that is going on but thats all in due time.

thanks for any advice

desprate to save my marraige

Posted 1/26/2009 6:27 PM (GMT 0)

Welcome to the forum. If you read through some of the past posts. you will find that you are definitely not alone.

It sounds like your wife went for a time thinking she could handle the diagnosis and control it on her own.  I am not surprised that, that failed.  It takes a lot of patience on her part and yours to get to that happy medium where you find the right combination of meds. 

 Remember, and remind her that the medication can sometimes take 6 weeks or more to see the true affect.  The litium may make her zombie like for a while, but tell her to stick it out (with any medication) and see how her body acclimates to it. 

 I felt terrible for the first month or so when I first started my mood stabilizer but now, a year later I know I can't live without it.  And I have to keep up with 3 daughters aged 6, 10 and 15.

Therapy would also be a good resource for both you and your wife.  A place to vent those frustrations that go along with BP, without having to take it out on eachother.  I know my husband learned some good coping techniques by going to my therapy sessions with me sometimes.  It helped teach him more about the disorder.

I hope you both are able to stick it out until the right medication combo is found.  It takes a lot of patience!

Posted 1/26/2009 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
Dear impsituation, Your wife needs to stick with her medication to get better. When I was undiagnosed, I was unable to get into a relationship with any man because I always suspected all men of infidelity. When I was psychotic, I was convinced that my father was being unfaithful to my mother. Being delusional is part of the illness. When the medication starts working things might change. You also have to explain to your wife that her illness is responsible for her suspicions. If she joins a bipolar forum, she might be able to talk to others and see the pattern and understand her illness better. I have gained a much better understanding of my illness after joining this forum.
Posted 1/26/2009 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi impsituation,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar forum. I hope we can offer you some advice and a place to vent and find others who are in the same situation you are. We have about a fifty-fifty mix of both bipolar sufferers and spouses/partners.

You're in the thick of trying to help your wife get started on new meds and get stabilized. It seems like you understand what you're in for. You need to reassure her that the next few weeks of adapting to the new med are going to be rocky, but that ultimately, if she hangs in there, in 6 weeks or so, she should feel better. I know how long that time sounds. In the meantime, really try to get her into therapy. It really makes a huge difference.

Good luck,
serafena
Posted 1/27/2009 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
She has started her therapy and I am going with her to her next appt. I have also scheduled my first session with at therapist. her reason for starting the meds was to save our marraige so maybe she will accually stick with them this time. I am trying to find a support group in this area but have not been able to find anything as of yet. I am just now starting to get into the reserch and trying to help myself handle this as well as getting her some help. thanks for being there for me
Posted 1/27/2009 5:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there impsituation.  Hang in there.  I have a husband with bp.  I've felt what you are feeling a million times; the anger directed at me for no reason other than I'm there.

You just have to keep repeating to yourself that it's the uncontrolled bp and pray and hope that she is willing to get help.  This may take what may seem like forever to you.  And you may need to make all the appointments yourself for her and go to them with her.  I just went through all this and I'll post in a new thread in a bit.  Just be patient and as hard as it is, let whatever she says to you just roll off of you until the meds kick in.

I'm sorry I don't have much to suggest.  I'm just trying to figure it out myself too and this forum has been helpful!

Posted 1/28/2009 3:17 PM (GMT 0)

Hey impsituation;

Yours is one of those posts that makes you chek the name to see if I wrote it & just forgot I did. Our situations sound almost identical, even the timeline of things. I have been thru all the things you talked about, the anger, jealousy, lack of trust, the nothing wrong with me, maybe its you, all of it. The best thing you an do is don't take the thing she says to heart. It isn't something that is easy to do, but you have to be able to tell the difference in if it is actually her or the condition talking. With my wife I can see when things are starting to build up, she starts getting agitated easy, things "get on her nerves" easier, & she starts feeling sorry for herself about stuff. That's when I know she is moving back some & try to prepare myself for it. I don't always handle the mood swings the best either, the ones I have a tough time with is when they come out of nowhere. If I can see it coming, then I am usually o.k., but when I get blindsided is when I don't handle things as good as I should.

Try to encourage her to get into therapy & offer to go with her. Let her know she isn't in this alone & you will help her as much as you can. As long as she is willing to get help herself then you are halfway there. But when they think they can control things on their own is when problems start.

Stay strong & you will get thru this. Just try to be supportive, but don't be a doormat either.

Rocket

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