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Posted 1/26/2009 6:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

Just a brief history of one from Louisiana. I am a 28 yo female who has been living with bipolar disorder my entire life. My mania manifests as rages and after lengthy conversations with my doctors and my mother, we have found evidence of my manic rages as early as 6 months old... so yes, literally my ENTIRE life. My mania is thought to be caused by seizures in a "non-physical" part of my brain.

I have been officially diagnosed with a mixed mood disorder... Bipolar II and severe depression. I am managed with Topamax, Lamictal and I am in the titration process from Effexor to Zoloft. I have been on a host of other medicine regeimes from the time I was 15 until now. I am a successful professional and I struggle everyday to keep my head above water and never reveal my "secret" to the outside world. It is nice to have a place to go and "relax" and talk among people who understand. Feel free to ask any questions.

~lilredhead

Posted 1/26/2009 6:38 PM (GMT 0)

Welcome lilredhead.  It's good to see that you feel somewhat under control and feel successful in life.  Do you have any friends,confidants in your life that know your "secret"?  In my life, everyone that is close to me knows of my struggles.  I like it that way because I feel that there are more eyes on me, to help me see when I may be struggling and just want to hide.

I hope your med transition is good for you.  I am on Risperdal and Zoloft and the combo works well for me.

Posted 1/26/2009 6:44 PM (GMT 0)
The "secret" is mostly from the outside world. My mother is very supportive as is my partner. The majority of my close friends know as well. My home life is not about secrets. All who are close to me know and understand the struggles and on going battles of BPD. I work as a consultant, so I am in contact with different people everyday. That is where the energy to hold it together comes in.
Posted 1/26/2009 6:48 PM (GMT 0)

Oh, I see.  I am the same way.  People that are just acquaintances have no idea about the BP...and probably would never guess.  Over the years I have become quite the actress...to be seemingly terrific, even while in a deep depression.

You sound like you have a terrific support system, and that is important.

Posted 1/26/2009 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi lilredhead,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board. It's great to have you. It sounds like you're doing great managing right now: the goal we all aim for! It's interesting what you say about the seizures. I've not heard that before. How did they find that out?

I'm glad you found the board too. Please feel free to chime right in!

serafena
Posted 1/27/2009 4:39 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome lilredhead! I am also a LA girl! My husband has BD and I am here tyring to figure things out. I hope you stick around because there is a lot of love and support to be found here.

Take care and remember........it's crawfish season! YUM! smilewinkgrin
Posted 1/27/2009 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Serafena

When I was an infant, my mother thought I had a seizure disorder. Every time they did the test to determine if I was having seizures, the brain scans were coming up negative. They were scanning the wrong part of my brain. In talking to a neuropsychologist, the only way to cycle as rapidly as i do is via seizures. In talking to my "head shrinker," when I have manic rages, the physical manifestations are very close to petite mal seizures. This led them to try topamax alone as a treatment in 2004. This was LONG before topamax was a recognized mood stabalizer.

Low and behold.... I began to level out. The depression was still lingering so we added an antidepressant. It has been trial and error to find a combo of meds for me. I have had very patient and observant docs. The process is ongoing.
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