new member needhelp generic subject but honest post

i came here looking for a chat room with people in it but i didn't find anyone online.

i am bipolar and out of meds and need someone to talk to . they used to say i was schizoaffective because of my paranoia and hallucinations but the hallucinations stopped. so move this post if you have to but i am out of my anti depressant since last tuesday and had no refills left. i called county mental health after calling rite aid and they said they'd do it and never refilled it for me. i called rite aid on thursday and still awaiting doctor approval. so i called my worker again at mental health on friday and never got a call back.

i am prescibed klonipin .5mg 2xday, lexapro 10mg once a day (thats the one im out) and depakote 1000mg 2x a day.
i dont take the klonipin regularly but on fridya night i took what i had left of the bottle like 7 pills and drank beers which i know is bad and i dont do it often.

i've been up all night since when i woke up saturday , it's 4am here pst and also i stayed up all night thursday

i feel like im being pushed around again by mental health here and i dont know what to do. i cant talk to anyone in my family about this even though i live with my mom and i think she'd understand

i need someone to help me out here

i cant sleep even though i tried for 2 hours then started getting really angry about it, getting these flushes through my body that i KNOW are the anti depressant withdrawl symptoms because i've felt it before

i almost feel like going out and quit all these medications BS, i even have a 215 card and live in california so i can do it legally

i know this is one big ramble but F it i have no where else to post this

(I edited your post per Forum Rule #1 -- serafena)

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 2/1/2009 5:18:08 PM (GMT-7)

yeah i don't know. i hate going through the process of getting hospitalized. however i am not thinking clearly and maybe you are right i do not know if i can make it to Monday when my worker will be at her desk again. i was going to ask her to set an appointment with my psych doc anyway because i do not think the lexapro is helping with depression i still have , i have been on it since october.

i just don't want to have mandatory 3 day hold on me again. there is a "recovery center" at county mental health that used to be a hospital. i may be able to get in, not maybe i can probably get in. i really, really, do not want to. but i don't know.

i always do this and sabotage myself, like when i drank on Friday night. and stayed up all night last week and then last night to today i am drinking caffeine even and i am really sensitive to caffeine.

i just hate this all and i don't want to lie
thanks for the reply

Hi Iceflash,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board,

I'm sorry it took me so long to get to the board and greet you. I don't think the hospital is really an option because you're not really a danger to yourself or others, so they probably wouldn't keep you. I think you're only option is to wait it out. But here's the thing -- you've got to ask yourself what's going on that you're sabotaging yourself right now? Are you upset about something? Stressing out about something? Because that's your real problem. You'll get your meds filled tomorrow and you'll be okay again. But what's to keep you from sabotaging yourself again? Do you see a counselor?

serafena