The Spouces

Coseymo, if you read through this thread, then you saw my posting.  I am a veteran in that I have been on the boards almost two years, and married to a BP for 17.  My 15 year old son is BP/ADHD, and now my 8 yr old son is starting the meds for BP to confirm dx...and yep...seems to be for him as well.  Currently the only ones clear of it in my house is my 8 yr old daughter and me.  As you saw, I'm having a rough time of late REALLY seeing and feeling the lonelyness between my spouse and I.  There is a total lack of intimacy between us, and what does exist is all about managing the chaos, and for me, dealing with his irritability.  Don't get me wrong.  There are moments of kindness...as you might find with a friend, but no phyisical contact, connection, or affection.  I am having a hard time hiding from the fact that I am so alone as a wife and woman, other than I live with this person who is my partner and....when he can handle it....my friend.  But given that it does not come with warmth...I never know if it will be soft or prickly...again...the lonely feeling is present for me.  So....NO you are NOT alone.  Many spouses feel as you do.  But, BPTT also said it well too....even the BP's in the marriages feel the same.  If you were to ask my H how he feels....bet you anything he would say the same things.  I agree couseling is a good thing, and I do think it is time for us to go back to it as a couple...but currently my H is unwilling.  I don't know what my answer is, I don't know what yours is at present either other than make the best choices for yourself in the mix as possible.  When I say that, I am saying that also for me too, but I come as a package with my 3 kids and must sacrifice, when need be, my happiness for what is best for them.  I chose to make this family, and I do love it and am proud of it.  Keeping thier parents together is best for them if I can.  If I am lonely as a result....then I suppose that is what I must accept.  But if you don't have kids, or if my H was on the severe side of this with addiction, irresponsible spending, cheating, violence, etc...(which he is not)....I know where my line in the sand is, and I would not still be here. 

I guess what I want you to know is that you are not alone, both in experience and feelings, as well as here on the boards.  You have found a group of people who "get it", and are here to help.  Whether like you, they are a spouse, or the person with BP.  I love and have learned so much from both.  Keep coming back and sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.  We are all here to help each other through....regardless of the outcomes.  LFW

Hey BPTT;

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of bright spots in our relationship. Things are a lot better now then they were before she was getting treatment. For the past couple of years (before she was diagnosed) every day was a screaming match with each other. She was constantly complaining & negative about everything & according to her it was all my fault that she was so miserable with her life. I thought she was just being a you know what, which made it unbearable for me. We came so very close to ending, luckily I am a very stubborn person that will not give up on things easily.

The meds have helped considerably, but the biggest thing is her realizing that she needs help with her condition & wants to get better. She sees a therapist twice a month who works with her pdoc & they keep her meds adjusted. 

The understanding from us comes when our spouce realizes the things that this condition makes them say & do & takes responsibility for them. Sometimes this happens, sometimes not.

Life with a BP is a lot more bearable now that she is on the right meds & active in her treatment. Her outbursts are nowwhere near as frequent as they were. I still have a little shell shock from the past couple years & certain situations make me nervous about how she will react to them. But otherwise, things have gotten much better over the past few months.

Rocket

BPTT, I agree with all that has been said. The fact is, right now is a hard time for me. BUT, what I can also share is 2 days ago he told me that over the last 3+ weeks his meds have been off and he and the doc have been trying to get them reajusted - and that process has thus far been unsuccessful. The fact that he didn't share that with me was the problem. Plus, he hasn't been owning his own crap during it all...so....I have been where he dumps on. Not fair, and not fun. My H struggles with really "owning" this all - sure he takes his meds regular and sees his therapist 1 to 2 times monthly...but he WANTS those actions to be enough and he doesn't want the work with his therapist to focus on his BP, so still in so many ways he refuses to see how his behavior comes out and how it impacts on me. That is why we are not to the point of Serafena's marriage. But, she gives me hope that one day we can be. I hold on hard to that. But, I am still lonely, and feel like a wilted flower as the woman in me MISSES the man in him...if you get my drift. It has been a LONG time since I have seen any affection of a hug, kiss or even cuddle. And the BIG stuff is a total no show even more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep...I'm lonely both emotionally and phyically. But, I am still hoping one day it will be different. LFW