so, he'll never be the same again?

I've been reading a couple replies to some posts and there was one thing that REALLY stuck out.  It's when Serefena told (sorry, i forget) someone that they (their BP spouse) will never be the same person again.  (or something like that).  I don't know why, but that really made me sad.  I'm thinking back to when I met my husband and how much fun we used to have and how much I knew without a shadow of a doubt, EVER, that he loved me.  Now the moods are back and forth... even almost sometimes daily.  He'll wake up mad/angry, be loving and smiley and happy for most of the day, have an angry spurt say around dinner, be lovey again until bed and then be cold as ice.  But the next morning he'll wake up and be in a good mood, then be happy all day but something will set him off for like a couple of hours, then he's happy again.  I never know when he's Jeckyl or Hyde...  Do I have to walk on eggshells for the rest of my life if I choose to stay with this man?

I guess I just needed a good vent.  Thanks for listening.

BD_Spouse, I feel for you. You so elequently descrided MY H as well. But we have never gotten him totally stable because to whatever varying degree....what you describe always exists (although the loving part for us is only friendly). Certainly some times are better than others, but it never lasts for long...a few weeks here, a month there. We have been at the meds issue for 7 years now. I personally also believe it depends on what level of ownership and self awareness our spouses are willing to do. Mine struggles with that. He owns it to the point of taking his meds consistantly, seeing the pdoc regularly, and working with his therapist at least once a month (he's been seeing him for 10+ years)....but it is the self awareness part, and owning the behavior as it comes up he can't seem to do - or even joining a support group type of thing. In retrospect...he does sometimes reflect...but during....no. Enough to apologize...rarely.

So to answer your question...will this ever change. I am coming to accept the fact that in our case, it probably never will fully. It is not all the BP's fault either. It has to do with the issues my H has, which if he wasn't BP would still be there, but the negative wouldn't be so hightened, or present so consistenly, or never really get to resolution...that part IS the BP. Just remember, you are not alone and we are all here with you. Big hugs to you....LFW

Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 2/24/2009 11:33:32 PM (GMT-7)