Would you accept a credit freeze? *update*

I am trying to reconcile with my BP spouse after a near divorce.  One of the things I discovered after the split was her uncontrolled spending through the use of credit cards.  Why should I care?  In my State, the debt is my responsibility as well regardless of if I signed any paperwork.

This spending was during her untreated episodes.  Even though she is medicated now, she still has very strong urges to spend money on unneccessary items.  So far she has resisted ...   So far.

I've broached the subject of placing a freeze on her credit as a condition of reconciling.  At first she seemed receptive to the idea, now she is resisting.

What are your thoughts on this subject?  If you are BP and uncontrolled spending is one of your symptoms, how would you feel about this?  If you are the SO of a BP person, have you been able to convince your SO to freeze their credit?

Post Edited (theronson) : 3/8/2009 12:19:03 PM (GMT-6)

Well, basically my dh has reliquished access to our bank accounts/credit cards, etc... he knows his spending is out of control at times so he's ok with this

State doesn't really matter. If you signed, then you're responsible.

Transfer that stuff to another card. Set it up in her name and have her add you afterwards as an authorized user. This will take the legal burden off you, but it would still be a joint debt in the eyes of the Bankruptcy court (but it wouldn't go against your credit and you couldn't be named as a defendant).

Yes, come up with a plan beforehand. I always get the 'money isn't important' talk, but it sure is important every time she wants to go on a spree. If you have to, setup separate accounts and have a portion of her income (what she would owe to joint debts/mortgage/utilities..etc) put back to your account. The rest is up to her to budget herself but you should never count on her having any left over.

The idea is that she won't snap her fingers and change, but she does need to be the one to experience the consequences.

Glad the communication is open.

As to the existing debt, even though it is community property you can challenge your liability as non-community if you received no benefit. If she purchased items you never received benefit from, you still have a way out.

As hard as it sounds, and I hope she reads this too, you can't trust her to not do it again. You can completely trust that she means what she's saying, but the disease has a way of letter her change her perception and go forward anyway. If you're not willing to stay in bed with her financially, would you consider dissolving the marriage on paper but stay together?

While my BP spouse and I are still not back together we are close to it. We have come to an understanding on the finances. It was tough because she felt I had no trust in her. She went through a pretty bad depressive cycle. In the end, she was able to see it as not trusting the BP, as if it was a separate entity, rather than not trusting her. This is certainly how I see it. She is a wonderful and intelligent person, but does not have control of her thinking when the manic cycle is in full swing.

The basic financial agreement:
- No Plastics (Debit or Credit) for her
- All finances through me
- I give her cash, or a specific amount of her paycheck goes into her account (she works at the credit union she has an account with). This is guilt free spending
- We sign her up with a credit monitoring service that I have full access to.
- We maintain separate accounts as well as a joint account. She will have no access to my account, where the majority of the money will be. Any time she wishes, I will go online and show her the account. This way she does not feel like things are hidden.

My husband and I have almost the same agreement. It was tough at first...for me as an adult to start getting an allowance. But for better of the family it was a tough pill that I knew I had to swallow. Now 1 and 1/2 years later...I like not doing the bills/checkbook/etc.