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Not a good day... I'm whining, beware.

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 3/7/2009 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
I finally managed to get myself to bed at a reasonable hour last night. Though I was up by 4am... I'm having the worst nightmares of my life and that does not help. All day I've been so on edge and just angry at everyone and everything. I got in the shower and broke down. Threw things around and then started crying. My sister came home and asked what was wrong and I didn't even know what to say so I told her to leave me alone.

Will this ever end?

I feel like a child. A bratty one. But I can't help it, everything seems worthless and horrible.
Posted 3/8/2009 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
:::HUGS::::



I'm sorry to be a defeatist; it dosn't end. But it does get better. Bipolar dosnt' go away, but we can ease its hold on our lives.
Posted 3/8/2009 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
I sure hope so.

I'm beginning to get very confused, though. I haven't been formally disagnosed. I've met with my psychiatrist once, I meet with them again tomorrow. And I do have symptoms of BP, she is considering medication and when I was hesitant about it she told me to consider it as well. But now today I feel complete normal. Granted it's the first time in a long time. I think what triggered these moods in the first place was the dreadful grey weather, the disintegration of my relationship with my now ex-boyfriend, my lack of direction in life, and just general lack of confidence. It all got to be too much and next thing I knew I was contemplating jumping out the window. But today I really do feel fine.

I don't even know. Very confused.
Posted 3/8/2009 7:21 PM (GMT 0)
Dear volatile,

I don't know if you have BP but most BP people go through a normal phase in between cycles. Only your psychiatrist will be able to tell though.

Best,
Sheeba
Posted 3/11/2009 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
I went to my therapist again on Monday- she is just a therapist, not a psychiatrist. On my first visit she had alluded to the idea of me being bipolar but I didn't really think much of it because it was the first visit and i wasn't interested in medications. But this past visit I told her that I really think I may be, and that many of my symptoms seem to measure up to it. She agreed but said "there are a lot of factors that play into it, its very hard to treat. many people with bipolar disorder are very impulsive and promiscuous" and I told her about how after reflecting back on some past experiences and times in my life that have exhibited that sort of behavior, and my present behavior etc, that I thought I may have it. She wants to wait and explore my past and present behavior more, which I understand. But I know she also can't put me on medication for it anyway, i don't want to wait too long- what should I do? Go to a psychiatrist? My funds are limited, I'm scared I won't be able to afford all of this.
Posted 3/11/2009 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
In addition, i've been feeling relatively normal or even-keeled, except when i wake up in the morning suicidal thoughts still run through my head. the more stress that piles, the more intense it gets.

I'm sorry to be so whiney, it's just I don't know what to do about any of this. It helps to tell people who are familiar with these feelings.
Posted 3/11/2009 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Vol....dont appoligize for your behavior...work on improving it...meds may help a lot..counseling will for sure..many of us deal with our different behaviors daily...you are doing the right thing by seeking professional help....please keep us posted on your progress...one day at a time...I will pray for you.GBU
Posted 3/12/2009 2:54 AM (GMT 0)
Volatile,

You are experiencing unpredictable moodswings which we all just have to live through to some extent. You'll still have them (to a lesser degree) even when you're medicated. So try not to be so freaked out. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with you.

If your suicidal thoughts escalate and you're seriously thinking about hurting yourself, here's a number to call and some websites:

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)

But please, before you get to that point, get on here and tell us about it. One of us will help you too.

The answer to your question is yes, ideally you should see a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis and some treatment. But your therapist is perfectly all right in suggesting you see her for a while first. You may work through some of your anxiety in therapy and feel better without medication.

Let us know how you're doing,
serafena
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