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He Flipped Out Again!!!

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 4/20/2009 4:09 PM (GMT 0)
My husband flipped out on me again on Friday night.  Our 2 year old was up ill and puked on him as he was holding her in the middle of the night and he lost it when I was helping my child before helping him remove his stained clothes.  He proceeds to curse at me and I got in his face because I was angry at his reaction.  I probably should have walked away instead of getting in his face. 

 

The rage I saw in his eyes came out of NO WHERE.  It was like he was possessed by the devil.  He then proceeds to scream and yell what I've heard two times before during one of his episodes: "I'm tired of you.  You're snippy.  The only reason I'm with you is because of the kids."  I didn't react.  I just walked away and got our child back to sleep.

 

The next morning it's like it never happened.  He's back to himself.  I'm feeling like crap.  I'm angry.  I'm hurt.  I can't wrap my head around this behavior.  I feel like crying, but I just can't.  It's like I'm numb to his words except that he brings this anger over me.

 

I am still so very angry at him that now instead of praying to God for the strength and patience to help me him through this, I pray that he take him with Him!!!!

 

Posted 4/20/2009 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
Whyus,

I'm so sorry that your husband took his frustration out on you. It must be so hard being on the receiving end of the inexplicable rages. You have to tell your husband how he's upset you and ask for an apology. Is that out of the question? What does your therapist have to say about working through your own violent reactions to his mood swings?

serafena
Posted 4/20/2009 6:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your compassion Serafena.  I was not violent with him.  There was no hitting on either side.  I just stood facing him while he screamed and yelled.  Of course an apology is not out of the question, but that would have to mean that he has to own the words he spewed at me and take responsibility for his so called "mood swings".  Does this stupid illness allow a person to do such a thing?

 

According to my therapist, I'm to just let his words slide off me.  Well unfortunately, I am not made of rubber and can't continue to just let his words slide off me and now I am becoming confrontational with him.  Which according to the therapist, is not the way to handle it.  I need to keep walking away from the devil in him when he becomes possessed.

Posted 4/20/2009 8:08 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Whyus;

That one hurts, I know. Therapists are good for saying stuff like that, but they aren't the ones that are caught in the heat of things. They aren't the ones who's emotions are getting trampled on. It is easy to say those things when you are just an observing bystander. They mean well & are trying to help, but until you have went thru it you just don't know. I know after hearing these type of things one too many times I told her that she knows where the door is & if she was that miserable to use it. Maybe not the best thing to say, but a person can only take so much. I really hope things calm down for you soon. I know how bad you are hurting right now, & have been there myself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Rocket

Posted 4/20/2009 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry Whyus,

I didn't mean you were getting violent, I just meant your reactions were very strong. Wrong choice of words. It's got to be hard to keep walking away, and you should be able to say something when he's being a jerk. He's got to have ownership of his behavior so you can calmly say, "hey, don't take it out on me," and he'll back down. But that's up to him too. Until that happens, you have to keep asking him to work on it with you.

serafena
Posted 4/21/2009 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Whyus,
You asked if this illness allows a person to take responsibility for their words/actions. It definitely does. It is not a place that comes easily or quickly. But I have personally come to a point where I can recognize my symptoms most of the time. If I don't recognize it at the beginning, after the fact I can own it, and apologize for it. I am not without times when I lose control, but I am much more in control because I have learned to take responsibility.
I don't know if this helps you at all. But I wanted to answer your question.
Posted 4/21/2009 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with Whyus. Once the person accepts and owns the condition then they should be able to take responsibility for the awful words said in the middle of an episode. Even people without the condition can say awful things in the heat of the moment. Getting to the point of accepting and owning the condition is the hardest part. As a recipient of those horrible words I know how hard it is to hear them and continually say to yourself "it was the bipolar not them saying it" without getting so frustrated.

Whyus - good for you for being so cognizant of the condition and taking responsibility for and trying to manage it as well. Keep up the great work!

BP Wife
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