WIFE WITH BP

I'm the spouse of a person with BP. Fortunately my love doesn't want to stray. She has other manic behaviors.

These are my observations only. I've done a huge amount of reading and I haunt multiple boards in an attempt to understand as much as I can what my wife is going through.

The disorder can make the person prone to impulsive and risky behaviors. That doesn't mean that they don't have control. Its a choice that is made to act on the behaviors.

The spouses and significant others are someone with bipolar disorder bear the brunt of the disdain, frustration, anger, etc. People in your position (and mine!) get targeted as the reason for their unhappiness and often gets seen as the enemy.

One of my boundaries, spoken and reinforced to my spouse, is that I cannot tolerate her having an affair. If it happens, the marriage is over. Others have learned to tolerate the affairs for their own reasons.

Hopefully she is on effective medication. Hopefully both of you are getting some kind of therapy.

THAT WHERE WE ARE ALSO I CAN DEAL WITH EVERY PART OF BP EXCEPT THE AFFAIR IF IT EVER HAPPENS THEN THE MARRIAGE IS OVER. WE HAVE TO YOUNG CHILDREN. AT THIS POINT IN HER MANIC BP SHE HAS ONLY MADE JOURNAL NOTES about IT & HAS MADE FRIENDS WITH WITH A COUPLE OF GUYS FROM THE TREATMENT HOSPITAL. AS FAR AS I KNOW & WHAT SHE TELLS ME ITS ALL JUST LUST & THAUGHTS SHE HAS NOT ACTED ON THEM SO SHE SAYS I WANT TO BELEIVE HER BUT I KEEP FINDING TEXT MESSAGES & SIGNS OF HER BEING DISHONEST WITH ME & HERSELF. I HAVE TO ADMIT SHE HAS OVER THE 15 YRS I'V BEEN WITH HER SHE DOES RELATE BETTER TO MEN THEN WOMEN. I'M VERY UNDERSTANDING KNOWING SHE TALKS WITH MEN TO HELP WITH RECOVERY BEING A MAN MYSELF I KNOW HOW WE THINK MOST OF TIME WITH THE WRONG HEAD. SHE IS VERY ABLE OF TAKING CARE OF HERSELF SHE IS A BLUE BELT IN KARATE & THE KNOWLEDGE OF WHEN MEN ARE TAKING IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL JUST NOT SURE IN MANIC BP MODE THAT SHE WILL BE ABLE TO STOP IT IF THE OPERTUNITY WERE TO ACURE THANKS FOR LISTENING PS MY SPELLING ISN'T ALL THAT GOOD

I don't know if you are acting suspicious and asking her questions about the possibility of cheating.

Though my wife has never cheated, her hyper sexuality, combined with my low self esteem, has caused me to obsess with fear about the possibility of her cheating. My actions and reactions because of this fear has come close to destroying the relationship in and of itself.

If you truly believe that she hasn't cheated on you, try anyway you can to come to terms with it and not continually pick at the subject like a scab until she gives up.

thanks serfena we are seeking out a good couples cousler don't know were to start this is a recent dianoses of her bp in the past 10-12 yrs she as been gotten addicted to many drugs selfmedicating she has since been at the brrok kmi in louville ky were she has kicked the habit. i have to admit we as a couple have been thru alot togeather drug use achole use & yes we have been in a sexual relationship with one other couple but all this was pryor to the bp diag

last night when i got home from work my wife had made a 180 degree turn she seemed to be in a good mood. she was the person i married 11 yrs ago. she went to a support group last night for aa/na when she got home she had made yet another 180 degree turn back to the depressed bp mode i tried to talk to her but with no luck. she is in the 4th step of her recovery witch means she has to make a complete inventory of self wrongs & that seems to be a big stain on her at this point. i went on to bed praying to my higher power to guide her in the right path. this am she woke up in a good mood i had wrote her a letter getting straight to point of what we as a couple need to focus on she seemed to understand so thats where we are this am. its realy hard not to try and help her more i do understand that i need to back off & give her space to deal with her bp & na/aa on her own but it is really hard to take a back seat to a person you love so deeply. thats all for know thanks agian for listening everyone all oppinions are accepted & needed

MGS, Keep up the good work with the recovery. I will have 24 years sobriety this November!! It works if you work it. When I was drinking I was single and wrekless with my body. I learned that I self medicated my BP with alcohol and drugs. Now I am on Lithium and Celexa. Its hard because of the weight but I managed to lose 10 lbs. I eat very healthy. Alcohol depletes the nutrients in our body so even if we eat good it deplets it. I do not have much of a sex drive and my husband is a Very Good Looking in shape guy but would never cheat on me. I have even told him I would not blame him because I have almost 0 sex desire. But I am excited when I see him and am with him (go figure). I know my low libedo is from my meds and also because of my total hysterectomy. Anyway, hang in there and keep up the good work.

I am the spouse

My wife has had affairs with a man 17 years younger, cut me off, can not control her money spending on clothes and cosmetics, has filed for divorce, wont get help, has crohn's to go with it totally out of control thinking everything is hers that the daughters and I are not letting her have time to her self

Life is Hell

i tried talking with my wife to set the bountries but with no luck. she thinks i'm tring to control her life. i also try to regulate her meds cause she is taking to many per day she is now almost out of meds & they should have last till the end of the month. lost of what to do it looks like we will have to seek another path divorse and that wan't my plan she is leaving me no choise. the only thing is we have two boys 9 & 6yrs old this will the hardest thing next to dealing with the bp i have ever done. shes not working & i cann't keep up with the bills so i have yet another major decision to make what stays & what goes. eveything we have worked for is going down the tubes because of this horrible diag of bp. life is so unfair at times. i just cann't see myself raising my boys on my own. i work from 600 a to 600p five days a week at a car dealership for 18 yrs now. so it looks like 3rd shift hear i come. my wife carries all the insurance that i need so bad due to my boys 6yr old has adhd & my 9yr old has asberger "mild altisum" not sure how will make it. thks agian everyone for listening to me yet agian & letting me vent

You have my sympathy MGS. My wife with bipolar told me last night that she wants a divorce. She wants to be free, doesn't want to worry about anyone else, doesn't want to feel controlled, is a different person that when we married, doesn't love me anymore.

This is regardless of the fact that she has been rapid cycling for a week or more. Regardless of the fact that a day earlier she wrote "I enjoy how openly we are talking and communicating. I love you and appreciate you."

MGS...I hope the therapist helps you. Yes your wife needs help, but you can't do much unless she wants the help. In the mean time concentrate on your own health...and keeping up that sobriety. Those children need all of you and your sobriety is very important in that equation. You should be proud of yourself for getting that token! I am proud of you!

You have so much on your plate right now.  But you are doing the right thing by reaching our for help on this site and by going to your meetings. I know that the 12 step program works if you work it.  But when I was getting sober I lived at home and did not have anyone else to be responsible for.  You have children with challenges and I cannot imagine how tough it is for you. I do not have any of the things you have to deal with but there are plenty of people who have similar challenges.  Bravo to you for picking up your 30 day chip.  And remember we cannot control others; we can just control ourselves.  Give yourself a pat on the back you deserve it!

my house is a wreck my wifes mood swings up & down. she cann't take any daily stress at all if our kids have a bad day she holds on till i get home then runs & hides at a aa/na meeting till 10pm or so i'v tried not saying much & i have must say i need & want her sober but when is the time to face life itself she just cann't continue to run away when things get tough. like last night the kids had a good day at school she was able to complete home work with them both but wright before i got home both boys started on each other "our son 6 adhd older son 9 ashberger disorder & add. so life is hard already. look i'm no saint by no means but i able to deal with lifes challanges i guess i'm confused on how much do we me & the boys take with out her giving back all we hear . her speaking i'm first i'm first i need my support groups to stay clean. i want her clean & sober but it's like she want to continue to hide behind her bp ? she knows what needs done but seems like she chooses not to do them. example today school called me our 6 yr old was having a problem & i couldn't leave work so i called home & cell several times before getting and answer its like she doen't care ? and even after i called she seemed bothered that i couldn't jump & run. lost for thaughts ???????????????????????????? i know i'm rambling on but that part of being here sorry thanks for listening