At My Wit's End

I have hit a new low. I realized I am still in love with my ex. He moved for a job in May, and told me he was breaking it off because things were "escalating", and he "couldn't handle the long-distance thing". We were out of touch for several months, but recently began communicating again. I called him today and, without intending to, made an ass out of myself confessing my love, being an idiot, etc.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel so low right now... why can't I accept that my feelings aren't shared? I feel extra crazy when there are all these logical reasons why he broke up with me, and I think that my ranting and raving is...what? Going to make him love me? I don't want to feel like this, so why do I?

He stayed with me through bouts of depression and numerous doctor's appts.; if he accepted that, then what did I do wrong? He is visiting friends in the city I live in at the end of November, and I want to see him, but I feel like it would just throw me deeper into depression. What is wrong with me?! I know this is irrational and juvenile; I feel like a sad puppy following him around. I feel awful.

I thought that if my personal life went to pot, maybe other parts of my life would get better - but I am living at home again and back at square one with drugs. Nothing helps, nothing works. My parents are paying for a dorm room on campus that I feel too unstable to go back to, but the guilt is killing me. Could things get any worse?! I have never felt this close to "rock bottom" - and I don't see how things can get better.

I agree with exhaustedwife, exs are that way for some reason, and if you were to get back or something, you would relize that, offisly there was something not working in the realationship, don't try to hold onto it, that will just make it worse, My ex also moved away and we tryed to make it work and it just wouldnt, and a couple months later, we thought well we can try again, but it just brought out all the issues why it was over in the first place, You just have to move on, it does get better in time, I am now will a loveing man, who would do anything for me, and its so much better, Good luck,

I see my psych. once a week - normally on Fridays, but I've never been this bad before. I really lost it last night - for no apparent reason. I was so winged out, I called Lifeline and the police came to my house. The scariest thing to me is that I felt and still feel really detached from what happened. I woke up this morning and it felt like a bad dream. I want so badly not to live with my parents, but I don't feel strong enough to live in a dorm room. I keep telling my roommates that I'm coming back "soon", "tomorrow", "later this week" ... days that come and go without my moving back. I don't want to have to be hospitalized!!! If I want so badly to be rid of this, why can't I snap out of it?