Need Your Input

Hi everyone:

First let me say that I do not mean the following question to reflect on ANYONE's particular posts or questions. It is a matter of course that this topic should come up, and I'd like to deal with it as neutrally and objectively as possible.

A topic has come up among the moderators that got me thinking, and I'm very curious about how to proceed. It was said to me that I might consider directing questions from spouses/partners/loved ones to a more appropriate board, and reserve use of this forum for people suffering from the disorder. The way I understood the suggestion was that people suffering with the disorder might be shamed or angered by posts from the significant others, and that part of our mission is to primarily help those living with medical conditions.

On the other hand, significant others live with the condition too, in their own way, and need support. They often need education, which other bipolars can certainly provide. And we've had a lot of good conversations with the family members of bipolar disordered people. Some of my favorite long-standing members are spouses/parents.

We are just about even in use between significant others and bipolar patients. Not having S.O. input would definitely change the tenor of the board. So here are my questions:

1. For the bipolars: Does the presence of family members on the board impact what you feel you can share and discuss? Would you feel more comfortable discussing your condition if you knew there were fewer spouses around? Lurkers: would you lurk less and participate more if there were fewer posts from partners?

2. For the spouses/loved ones: How does the board help you? Would you be equally served on another discussion board expressly for the loved ones of people with bipolar disorder?

You can respond to me on this thread, but if you do, please keep your responses respectful and kind. I would almost rather you email me, so you can be totally honest. I'm not judging anyone, merely collecting information. My email is available by clicking the blue envelope under my name on the left, or clicking on my name and finding it in my profile. I'll collect your comments for a week or so, run this by HealingWell's administrator, and let you know what seems to be the best way to proceed.

Thank you so much!
serafena

 

  I have to say that it doesnt bother me to have S.O.'s on here. In a way it helps me to help others. And it definitely helps to read about what living with a BP person is like.  My wife knows i post to a forum but i dont say anything that would get her upset and i think she understands that it truly helps me with my issues.

   Hope this helps.  Bill   

Maybe I take things too personally, but every time I see another post about how horrible someone's spouse is treating them (and blaming it all on the disease), it makes ME feel like crap. I don't feel I act that way, but maybe I do? Maybe it's an eye-opener that I need? But it hasn't stopped me from posting.

There is a war going on at dailystrength.org right now because there are two separate bipolar boards (BP, and Friends and Family of), and yet people cross over into either. The problem is that many people with bipolar on that site feel that no one else has the right to post on "their" board, and get upset when a SO (significant others) complains on the BP board about their own suffering due to the illness. On the F&F board, the community leader has BP and actively restricts conversations if he feels they are not supportive enough. It makes it hard for the SOs to be able to have a place to vent. It also makes it hard to actively seek support and advice in either avenue for non-suffers.

This site has some rules of conduct, and has been entirely more civil in the way things are handled.

One benefit to having only one board is that there is not the assumption that the board is elitist. The major problem is that some may feel that they cannot speak their mind without getting people angry or triggering someone. On both sides of the equation.

I think having a separate board is fine, but the rules of the board, the description of the board, etc. need to be very clear.

On the bp board, it should be clear that while non-bipolar suffers can read what's on the bp board, please do not post anything other than posts that are fully supportive of their SOs, or that are simply asking for information without denoting negativity.

On the friends and family board, bipolar suffers should only be allowed to read, but please don't post anything other than posts that are fully supportive of their SOs, or that are simply giving or asking for information without denoting negativity.

My one cent.

Excellent,

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Keep it coming!

serafena

bump

I can see both sides of this issue.  Personally, a little torn.  Really does not bother me either way.  For me, it is a toss up.  The forum is my personal playground as far as my spouse is concerned, he has not graduated up to the level of wanting to be actively educated.  Probably no help here, but some very good questions and responses.

Gem (Grumpy, Grumpy Gem )

I came here looking for answers from people with bipolar, as well as people living with someone who has it.
I want to know someone with bipolars side of things, that can kind of, explain it.. i guess. From a personal stance. Not a book or website with facts, etc. That way I can understand why they are that way, as well as how to handle it, the way that is best for someone with bipolar. I apologize if I personally said anything to tear someone down with BP, We've come to find out a lot of his problems, are mix of quite a few horrible things.. and not just bipolar. But I did not want anyone to feel down about it. Obviously you are all here trying to have support and someplace to get help, and if you guys would like your own board, more power to you. This is the only place I really could find while at work and most things are blocked, that had anything like this for BP SO's.
The support from specifically SO's is good as well. Knowing how they cope with it. How they handle it from their side is also good.

Either way, I think its kind of a.. it could go either way thing for me. I understand people with BP to want their own place to vent, and I also understand us SO's to want help from those with BP and to understand it more from actual people going through what our significant others are actually going through.

Thank you to everyone who responded. I appreciate everyone's input.

I just want to direct the group's attention to this post where I explain the outcome of this question.

If anyone has any further questions or comments, please feel free to email me.

serafena

Thank you, BD_Spouse.

It's been lovely having you. I do think there's a danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater, here, so to speak. I hope you agree with our new focus and we're happy to hear what you have to say.

Thanks!
serafena