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Bipolar 2, pregnant overwhelmed

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Posted 11/8/2009 10:09 PM (GMT 0)

Hi I'm 28 years old, expecting my first child, 5 months pregnant. In th last 4 months i have traveled a lot, we have moved from one city to another. My complete enviroment has changed drasctically in the last 4 months.

My body it's also changing. My Dr lives in another city so i have to travel to see my gyno and my psyquiatrist every month. Im exhausted. Im really vulnerable, i have no friends and family in this city. I get irritated for almost everything and i get into panick attacks...I have nightmares.

Im really tired because my mood changes 3 or more times a day, I'm on some of my meds but not all of them and my Dr, changes the dose every week.

My husband is tired, and I think I'm failing as a wife, as a human being. I didn't know this  would be so hard. I feel really alone, and strangely ( on me) I dont feel like starting over again. Its much more than i can handle. Im tired, some nights I just don't want to imagine that maybe the next day will be similiar.

Has any one been in a situation like this? can anyone tell me I'll be ok....I feel really lonely and sad

Posted 11/9/2009 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
Geeze, if all you had to deal with was BP and being pregnat that would be enough. But it sounds like you have been in crisis control for the past 5 months. Your life is in turmoil, and like any severe action it will take time for this to blow thru your life. You are not a bad person, wife, etc, you just have a very full plate right now. My wife and i dealt with me being activated, buying a house, her having a brain tumor and me being totally out of control. We got thru that and you will get thru your trials also. You just need to give yourself a break and take it one day at a time.
We are here for you to talk to and vent. smilewinkgrin

Happy Bill
Posted 11/9/2009 7:12 AM (GMT 0)
Bill, you made me cry, I honestly didn't believed there was someone like me, or at least living the same things. I think you are right i have to much on my plate. And I'll take it one day at the time.
I wish there were therapy groups in my country, but thats the thing living literally on the third world....great view from my house to the lake, terrible physicians, so i have to travel to the capital to see a decent Dr...

thanks a lot,
Posted 11/9/2009 3:27 PM (GMT 0)
Taba,
I had to move when I was pregnant (about the same time frame too) with my 2nd daughter. I didn't know I was bipolar back then but -wow I can look back and tell it now! At the time I had a 2yr old girl to care for as well. I didn't do a very good job at it. I spent a lot of time in bed or on the couch. I spent soooo much money on useless stuff like fast food when I couldn't bring myself to cook. I was so spent that I would pull over to the side of the road and cry because I couldn't decide where to pull in to eat. I sometimes couldn't decide what route to take to get home and would pull over and cry because I couldn't make a simple decision like that. I never did laundry or cleaning or anything (till the compulsion to "nest" came on me). I didn't have any near family and no friends in the area either. My husband worked long hours for the military, so he wasn't really around either.
I didn't find out that I was bipolar till my 3rd daughter was 3 years old. By that time I was so exhausted that I was wishing that I would get injured so that I could be in a wheelchair or go to the hospital just for a break. I got so bad that I considered suicide because I saw it as the only way that I was going to escape the constant fatigue and combating emotions that dropped me into DEEP depression.
I have been on meds for about 3 years now and it has helped me tremendously. I am not stable- treatment for my arthritis and sleep disorders keep me on the edge of emotional turmoil nearly all the time.
I want you to know that I survived that time in my life- and I had no idea what was wrong with me. You can do this. You are aware of what is going on. You understand why you feel the way you do even if you can't control it right now. You know that there is a timeline to this and that you can go back on your full compliment of meds later when it is safe for you and the baby. Be aware that this is a "hiccup" in your treatment. You would be emotionally unstable even if you didn't have bipolar.
Find things that will help you relax and comfort you. (A deep bathtub or small pool was wonderful for me because it allowed my belly to float and relieve the strain on my skin and pressure on my body. I played soft, slow music and read a book while doing it.) By retreating into a calming mood I was able to then deal with what came next. (too bad I didn't learn that till well into my 3rd pregnancy) If it were me, I would be completly open to those who are arround you regularly ("I have bipolar and I had to get off meds for the sake of the baby. I am having a difficult time emotionally since I don't get the same treatment, so will you give me a little grace when I get weird or don't have the energy to get things done?") and remember to ask for help when you need it. I would be suprized if you husband doesn't understand that you are exausted and need to have him take over so much more to the current timeframe.
I was 19 when I had my first child, 22 when I has my 2nd and 25 when I had my 3rd. You are so much more expereanced in life, and much more mature than I was, just by being older as a new mom. EVERY new mom is unsure, afraid, exausted, overwhelmed at the coming responsibility and excited all at the same time- bipolar or not. From an experianced mom (and someone who was a lactation counselor who saw lots of new moms all the time)- it takes 9 months to make a baby because it take 9 months to make a mommy. All you need to do is love the baby (love his/her daddy) one moment at a time and let the world go on without your notice for a little while. Everything will be alright and you can rejoin society later.

(Did you know that a long time ago when a woman started to "show" she would retire to her parlor and keep out of society untill after she had recovered from childbirth.)
Posted 11/9/2009 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Taba:

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board.

I love the feedback that others have given you. Remember that hormones and stress aggravate our condition, and if you're not sleeping great, which I know I didn't, during pregnancy, that makes it worse too. So don't feel guilty. You're doing some really hard things right now, and you will get through it.

Go slow and give yourself time to relax in between things like unpacking, organizing, and travel. You don't need to solve all the problems all at once. Make sure to get plenty of rest and remember that things like housework and cooking can be shared.

I wish you well,
serafena
Posted 11/10/2009 7:31 AM (GMT 0)
Christina you really made me change my mind, i was like in this self loathing cycle and when i read your story, i just woke up. You are right I'm older than you were, I'm been married for 4 years, my husband is always for me eventhough he travels. I have help for home chores, so i don't even have to worry for that. I hadn't realized that. I thought my life was hard and crappy, and I was like "pour me..all alone and weird..." You made me realize how much i have, how lucky i am. I thank u for trusting me with your story, it's really encouraging, and I really wish I'll make it just as well as you have, as well refering to not giving up, and having 3 kids. Thanks a lot, really!!!!!

Serafena, thanks for ur post. Its my first time in a forum like this one. I used to visit selfdestroying sites, ana sites. But i decided to move on, and i missed that people, that in some ways lived what i was living. But here it's different. I'm so glad i found you guys, this is really encouraging. Thanks for this place to vent, to feel more like a person than a sick different being.
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