Preparing to leave a BP spouse

Hello,

I am trying so hard to help support him in getting back on meds and doing some couples counseling. I can not stay anymore. The physical and emotional abuse is beyond recovering from at least where the relationship is concerned. I just everyones needs met in the process.

The worst of the physical abuse stopped when I got another friend to witness it. Now that he knows I am serious about leaving he has not touched me or cornered me in about a month or so.

We have a daughter, and I worry about her. I also have two sons that are not learning from a good role model. We own a business together and so he is in the public eye.

It has been crippling for me to not have support- afraid to cripple his reputation and the business. My best friends know the ugly details.

He has been doing odd things like throwing away some of my best clothes. Hiding nail clippers and my tweezers. Accidentally taking my keys.

He has had 3 car accidents in the last year. One non paid ticket is about to become a warrant. I am not bailing him out.

I still have nightmares even though the worst violence has stopped. When he is gone I feel calm and clear.

Last week I actually got him to commit to trying to sleep at least 4hrs a day. It was so hard! Now I am afraid he will stop eating much.

My therapists says even if I could trust him again, even if he stays on meds and therapy- a lot of the problems are not just the bipolar.

Like lying all the time, and the trying to cage me kind of behavior.

As I am working more and becoming more independent and successful again- He is getting rapid in his cycles and resentful.

I am also working on expanding my support structure and circle of friends- I am encouraging him to do the same. I even stopped shaving in hopes that he would feel confident I am not leaving him because there is an affair or someone else. (Not stopping grooming- just not shaving my legs- tmi) He is equally paranoid about me being with women as men.

I need advice from others.

Thanks!

(Serafena: I was trying to help both anomity as well as the regulars on this site. I have received a lot of value from this board, and am trying to give back when I can. I think I wrote a balanced and informative reply. If you felt that my reply was well written and diplomatic, feel free to use it or a variation of it when other possible trigger posts by SOs happen. If you felt it was bad for whatever reason, please delete it so I don't cause offense.)

ImDealing,

 

Thanks for redirecting that post.  Thank you too for your understanding regarding this matter.  It means a lot.

 

~sukay~

Hi anomity,

ImDealing is right -- we've shifted the focus of this board to deal exclusively with the concerns of those living with bipolar disorder. (This is not noted in the guidelines, so you didn't miss anything.) I completely appreciate that you want to be a part of his support structure and would like some feedback. I think some of the Family and Friends boards could be useful to you. If you click on the "Bipolar Disorder Resources" Thread and page down, you will find a list of useful info for family and friends. It's good you've already sought out therapy. That would be my number one recommendation: you need support too.

Good luck and be well,
serafena