All about that big scary thing, Sex.

 

  You all know me, i've been very upfront about what i have done and how i have handled it. One of the things i have noticed here is that there seems to be a huge amount of shame over this subject.

   This is one of the times i am going to lecture and perhaps give you all who are still ashamed a slight scolding.

                                                      IT WASNT YOUR FAULT. 

    

     You were sick the same as me, and you made a series of mistakes that led to you being naked with a (Fill in the blank, Man, Woman, Not exactly sure, or farm animal)    But you are alive and well and need to get some closure on these things.

   For what ever reason i completely opened up to my therpast, i gave it to her both barrells and made her blink and blush a few times. LOL   I think she had to look up a few of the things i did on the internet to figure out what they were. .   That said i aired my dirty laundry for her and the world. I got it off my chest and it really did free me to make some real progress in my illness. I won't bore you all with the details, but i covered three of the four mentioned above, (You can guess which three) LOL LOL

     I keep telling people it wasnt your fault, because before we knew what was wrong we were just as much a victiam as those we hurt.  So i give myself a pass on these things because to hold on to them and still suffer for them helps no one, not my wife, not my son, not me, no one.  Now that i know what the issue is, i hold myself responsible for my problem.  

    I tell my wife now it is my responsibility to now monitor my own sexual level, if i get out of control i take extra respridone and even some celexa (acts as an anti depressent and kills some of my sexual energy) to help keep me in control.  I know when i start thinking about hitting the internet to find a hookup i am in the danger zone. That if i start looking at ads i am in real trouble, and if i start answering ads (DANGER WILL ROBINSON< DANGER DANGER)  Pills go in, i calm down, i am a good husband another day. YAY

    Yes i laugh a lot at myself for my mistakes, what i dont laugh at is the look in my wifes face, (the same face i married and consider the most beautiful face in the world), when she found out what i had been doing. That i dont let  go of because  when i think of straying i try to recal that image and it really does help keep me centered another day.  

     For those of you who are still ashamed please get someone  you can talk to and get this out of your system. It wasnt your fault and carrying that guilt day in and day out is only hurting your progress in fighting this desease. You may not be able to ever laugh at it like i do but hopefully you will be able to look back on it and not feel pain and shame.  You wernt in your right mind when you did what you did, but whatever you did you can take it from me that you should give yourself a pass. This is a do over in life, a muligan in golf terms, a freebie.

     I read your posts and can feel a lot of your pain and shame. Please listen to me when i say this again. It wasnt your fault.  If you need happiness and joy drop me a post here. I will do my best to make you feel better and hopefully make you laugh. We are all in this desease together. 

     Bill 

             

 

  I tried posting yesterday, but the internet was being way slow and freaky at my house.

  No i have never been touched when i was young, so in that regard i cant say a thing to those of you dealing with such issues, that on eis out of my ballpark and you all have my complete support and sympanthy.

  Now as for being a hypersexual, out of control, maniac minded sex freak. THAT I CAN SPEAK about> l .   I was just trying to say, and probally not very well, was how much dealing with this part of my life has helped me move on and be successful. Yes, i was sleeping with men and women, i was looking for  sex everywhere and in every kinda variety. Looking back now i realize i wasnt in my right mind. THat, in effect, it wasnt me in control but instead the BP Mania was pulling the strings. By openign up to my therpast and doctor and even to you guys it has allowed me to take away the sting of of the shame and guilt. Was it hard at first to talk about this, YES, very much so. But i honestly believe that you have to deal with your inner demons if you ever want to hope to defeat them. Those feelign of shame and guilt, just like the bipolar that spawned them, will not get better with age. 

  AS americans we are all a little uptight when it comes to sex.  But listening to what some of you all are saying, about not ever having sex again, or even allowing certain relationships to develop because of sex is only hurting yourselves. Did i do some out of control and crazy things?  Yep, but like i said before i look back and give myself a pass. Now if i went out today and did these things i will be much harder on myself, because i know what the problem is and i am taking meds to help control that. In my case the desire is still there, it's just that i have so much more control over this BP thing now that if i followed thru on an impulse it would be a concious act of mine, not a compulsive act of a out of control mind.

        This may not help at all bringing up this topic, however i am ove the opinion that this forum is for addressing difficult subjects regarding BP.  We have posts that are very difficult to read due to the pain involved, and posts that are happy for having a good/great day. This is just one of those posts where your humble author is trying to point out something that has helped him greatly in his struggle with BP.

     Bill

Oh dear....

*Fumbling for credit card...*

HI Happy Bill,  Im fairly new here I am a spouse of someone with ultra-rapid cycling bi polar my husband was diagnosed after antidepressants mad him go over the edge. He has been involved with a gf since that time and has come in and out of our lives more so in the past 2 months---he had episodes of hypersexuality with me ...continuing to keep going even though I asked him repeatly to stop he would only stop after he could !!!! which usually took a time.  He did this with me when he believed he was broken up with his girlfriend and I did as well, currently he is manic again and with her.  Can you describe any of the feelings that you were experiencing like the intense need, was I just a fill in?  since there was no one else at the time  Im kind of confused by the whole thing I can tell its part of the illness but I dont get the back and forth with her and me ...the sex... the flip flopping ...what brought you back to your wife?

sorry so disjointed with questions not sure how to ask.  thanks L

Hi Bill... THANK YOU so much for being so open and honest with me about the feelings.  I am having an extremely hard weekend, my husband who just two weeks ago wanted to come back to me and our family has been out with his girlfriend and staying with her for the past 5 days.  It is so immensely difficult knowing that he is not well, not himself and that this is not him... but the pictures that race through my "normal" mind are so hurtful and depressing.  I am really starting to wonder where her head is at as to why she cant see he is not well and at times (very repetitive) both in everyday things and with the dirty talk during sex.  He got quite offended once when I told him no- he stormed out of the house and slammed the door went back to his apt.  He knows exactly what to say to get it as well.

I know she tried breaking it off once- but both of them are addicted to the affair. He went really low verbally suicidal (no attempt)  when she broke it off with him.  In the past he has always kept in contact with me on a daily basis but this last week i told him no contact with me ...so he actually stuck to it :( !and since he emotionally abused the kids ( i know not intentionally) that he is not welcome here until he can be a responsible father.  Not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing he has to feel some consequences of his actions.  He talks openly about her to the kids he told them it was over with her and he wanted to work on coming back home....but like you said he "feels" too good with her and are life has nothing but hard work and stress associated with it.    That part is so odifficult for me.  How can we win...we cant..until he crashes ..but who knows when that big wake up will come.  He is also self medicating with alcohol and she provides him pot.  so I am up against a brick wall.  IHe tells me in his lower states he still loves me and never wants to commit to the divorce but how do I know that she isnt filling his head with all sorts of stuff to make him feel that the affair is more normal than our relationship.  (my husband has jeans in his closet that have been around longer than shes had relationships for.  Anyways I find myself going on and on about my feelings about all of this  thanks again thanks for listening and CONGRATS on keeping faithful I am sure your wife loves you even more!

L

 Hi Bill,  being on the other end ofthe stick......I live with a man that never thinks about sex until he is in his mania part of deppresion .....its fun when he is home....I feel your confusion...........Linny

I'm also willing to share :) I think I'm the female Happy Bill, lol.

Let's see.... are we going for a look-alike or a WANT to look-alike?

Well, if Brad Pitt is playing you, then I think I would just play myself! **** No, Bill, there's no "with" in that sentence

Well now I am so Happy everyone here feels better in saying that my sex life is OMG. WTH I found a man whom I love like no other and a man whom can really rock my world. In saying that he is not BP so they must make completely normal people who can hang with a hypersexual BP. I think at times his libido kicks my libido's butt. Reading all you wrote about the sexual exploits I am giving him the eyes and he is winking at me like ready to rock!!!!! Gotta go cause I am like HELL YEAH!!!!!

  I got two words fo you cateyes. BITE ME     LOL LOL 

  Actually i think you bring up a good point, if we chose a partner who can keep up with us, than do we really need to address the issue? If cateyes gets everything she needs from her SO, and isnt tempted to wander or get into trouble, than is it something that really needs to be considered a PROBLEM? In my case my wife cant keep up, so for me i have two choices, take meds to clam me down, or leave her and find another so i might be able to explore this side of my life.

   As allways, liffe presents us two choices, wtih neither being the clear winner or loser.

    And cateyes, YOU STINK

   LOL LOL L OL 

  Bill

   Understanding is the absolute key to this desease. Like my wife said to me today, we have survived a brain tumor, me going over to iraq, affairs (mine and hers) violence, and mental illness. After all that the small problems we face today seem trival by comparison.

   Having a real relationship in my life has provided me an rock on which to hold on to when the storm gets to rough.

  Bill