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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 3/26/2010 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
i hurt so much and i do not know why, i can not stop crying and my heart is ponding so hard and so fast and i can not do anything but cry even though i need to do homework. i want to scream and yell and curl up in a ball just so that some one will hear but i wont because they would get mad and i am ashamed and they do not want to hear. this morning i was so happy i was dancing and singing even though their was no music but now this. why does it have to be like where i am remindd ever so often about how it feels to be happy just to have it taken away and to feel worse than before. why does it always have to hurt so much  ?
Posted 3/26/2010 1:57 AM (GMT 0)

  Unfortunally it does hurt alot when you are BP. Often times we feel greater pain than others, however we also feel greater joys and love also. Hang in there it will get better. If you need to vent, vent here, we are here to help.

   Tommrrow is another day and another chance to have a great day. Hold on there, it will get better.

   Bill  

Posted 3/26/2010 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
I hear you, and I am not mad. We care for you here, you can cry all you want to! Lord knows I have. One of the hardest things about having mood swings such as you are describing is not just that you get so low, but that you know what it is to be so very happy. Try to guide your thoughts, think about the things that make you happy. Don't worry about the future, don't dwell on the past. Breath deep and find one thing that makes you happy right now.

Remember that there are people out there who care for you. From what I have heard, though you don't feel open with your parents, they do care for you. Remember that they love you. So do we!

Tainted
Posted 3/26/2010 11:40 AM (GMT 0)
I know exactly how you feel, especially about how it makes it worse to be remdinded what feeling happy is like, then all of a sudden its gone again for no reason..but it does always come back eventually. I just wish I could give you a hug! I know its hard that nobody understands, but you shouldn't be ashamed of what you're feeling, its not your fault. Hang in there!
Posted 3/28/2010 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
thank you all vey much :) i was doing really really bad for the last few days, then my feelings in conjectoin with something my dad said made me feel like they knew and had known for a long time and i went to my room and for the first time in 10 years did not make myself cry silently (but they did not come in to check on me which made it worse) then he next morning alll my plans about telling them in a calm collected easy way flew out the window and i just ended up yelling at them inbettern sobs that they had always known and "cant you see i am depressed or bipolar" their imiedate responce was you are not bipolar like it was the plauge then they got kinda mad but agreed to get me an appointment with a phycatrist and basicly said "as soon as he proves nothing is wrong with you we are going to have a talk". it sucked but at least i am going to get help even if they will not belive me.
i am feeling much better right now (though still sad) and i am happy to read all your kind supportive comments, thanks guys :D
Posted 3/28/2010 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
Good job! I am sorry that your parents are not being as supportive or understanding as they could be, but you made a huge first step! My family is a bit different, since I am the fourth person in my immediate family to be treated for bipolar or major depression, but I know it is very common for parents to not want to admit there is anything wrong with there children.

Don't let them bring you down, they do not understand what you are going through and really they never will. It is not their decision, it is yours, and you are ultimately responsible for your own health. There is still a lot to come, but the hard part is over. Now make that appointment!
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