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Do you ever miss being manic?

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 4/19/2010 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Things have been so bad lately that I actually miss being in manic phase.  Atleast when I am manic things give me joy, even if it is fleeting.  I know the things I do during a manic phase usually have terrible consequences, like spending a ton of money or drinking and stuff, but I wish I could just find one thing that makes me feel better.  Tomorrow is the start of a new week and I will be alone in the house again.  Then comes the dreaded leaving of the house to pick up the kids after school.  How can I be so afraid of people but yet be terrified to be alone in the house??  I wish the care center I go to would hurry up and find another therapist for me, this is getting beyond ridiculous.
Posted 4/19/2010 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
-37, When I was still rapid-cycling, but not getting mania/hypomania, I REALLY missed it. It was a low point for me. (I was on Abilify).

Now I am STABLE on Lamictal and I don't miss it at all. I had to drop out of school. Without the hypomanias, I couldn't get by with my intense schedule. But now I'm staying at home with my 3 year old son.

He used to be afraid of me and I only saw him 1 day a week. That is so much better now! He stays overnight with grandma on Fridays. (I work on Fridays).

He woke up this morning with a HUGE smile, ran out and gave me a huge hug/kiss/i-love-you. THAT is better than mania. And WITH mania, I would never experience it.

When you are stable and reach a period of remission, I think you will appreciate life without the mania. However, when you're in a depressive state, I understand how tempting the manias are. :)
Posted 4/20/2010 11:30 AM (GMT 0)
My manias make me feel more normal, focused...but I realize maybe it I wasn't. My lowes get so drastic I don't know how to go on. I'm in school right now bit on the verge of an Incomplete for the semester. I just don't feel anything right now. Being an art major is difficult with no inspiration. I feel like I'm just going thru the motions because I have to. I have 2 small children and a husband who loves me....I still feel lost more than anything else. I'm only in the 3rd week of lamictal 50mg along with Prozac, Xanax, and ambien. I hope this finds you well, you're not alone.
Posted 4/20/2010 12:34 PM (GMT 0)
I don't miss being manic because there was such a frantic quality to it and I did such stupid stuff.  I never slept and eventually I got very irritable.  BUT, I do miss being hypomanic.  It made me feel alive and I had the ambition to do all sorts of things.  I would actually cry when I shifted from hypomania to depression.  Hypomanic I feel like me. I still rapid cycle from depression to hypomania and I take advantage of the hypomania to get things done. But actual mania was way too much for me and I don't miss that.  And I am sure my family doesn't miss it either.  I just wish there was a way to stay hypomnic, but over the years I have learned that is not possible.  Depression is always around the corner.
Posted 4/20/2010 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
I do miss being manic as I did get a lot of basic, non-critical house work done in a short amount of time. That being said, I know I was scattered and probably would have been unpleasant if someone else was around (I'm still single as I can't get around the whole dating and then having to tell them about BPD).

Now to reality: Mania did not help, but hindered critical/career work. I couldn't focus long enough to finish anything and what I did get done was often inaccurate.

Stability, even if I'm slightly 'dulled', is a better option for me and I don't ever want to go back.

D
Posted 4/20/2010 5:35 PM (GMT 0)

"I'm still single as I can't get around the whole dating and then having to tell them about BPD"

Why?

I guess I got out of it easily.  I was diagnosed after getting involved with my SO.  I had already been told I had a "bipolar-like" mood disorder and had been referred to a pdoc years before, so I wasn't surprised.  But we did find out at the same time.

I guess you have to say before you're in a relationship so far that you would be hurt if the other walked away.  If it's someone who freaks out with hearing about BPD, it certainly isn't someone you would want to spend your life with.

Think of it as a great way to weed out all the "bad" ones.  It makes finding a good one a little faster and easier.  :-)

Posted 4/21/2010 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
It's the complicated aspect of dating/getting to know someone when one has something about them that society has labeled negative. Sometimes I feel like being on my own is the way it should be. While I'm lonely at times, it keeps my life less complicated. However: if I meet someone I can't walk away from, I'll figure things out as best I can and be honest with them before we get too far down the road.
Posted 4/21/2010 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
BPII can make you sooo appealing though. You are full of variety, surprises, creativity, independence, unconventional perspective. You have exceptional empathy and are sensitive to other's needs. That makes you a d*mn good partner. Especially if you are rapid-cycling, this limits the affect BPII has on a partner.

My perspective changed when I started to open up to a couple people about my BP. EVERY one of them had family that is BP. I'm pretty darn proud of me, including the BP parts. I don't give a d*mn about "society." BP makes me a pretty awesome person - the person that my SO loves.

I hope you find the one you can't walk away from. :)
Posted 4/22/2010 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
I'm BPII

Didn't get the real bad manias that cause the real suffering to me and those around me. Well maybe a bit of suffering.

On the other hand the depressions we awful for me and everybody who loved me.

I'm on a light dose of Seroquel at night and Lamictal in the AM. Both really affect me.

It doesn't take much Seroquel to put me to sleep and just kill any thought spirals. And the Lamictal just puts a smile on my face. I really look forward to taking my meds. I've been happy for close to ten months -- more than enough time for cycles to show up.

I do get very mild mania, which is often seen with Lamictal. So I don't miss the mania. I have enough of the "up" to let me feel the manic energy.

It's all good.

OBB
Posted 4/22/2010 1:46 PM (GMT 0)

There are times when I am so thankful for those manic days, because of course I can get so much done and it feels good to feel good. I don't like however, spending the money and deeply regretting it, talking and thinking so fast that it completely wears me out! I usually feel very very tired from a) sleeping less and b) everything is just so fast and high it's exhausting.

My last episode of depression lasting 5 months, I would have given anything for mania. But since cycling lately (which also makes me tired) I just want to be stable, of course.

Posted 4/23/2010 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for posting. I would give anything to be stable too. Saw my pdoc today and they upped my meds. Hope it helps.
Posted 4/26/2010 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
I miss the hypomania so badly... the feeling of soaring thoughts and speech that accomplishes anything... and not caring, not needing other people for energy and inspiration...
but i know i always interrupted and didn't care thats probably not great....
OBuddyBoy, i am very jealous of you.. Im on abilify and my sleep is OK and i'm not able to feel up its very blocked... *sigh*...
I may be slightly depressed now or just in the midst of moving and adjusting to new dosage....
Posted 5/5/2010 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not sure...When I'm depressed it always SEEMS like mania is so much easier to cope with and I miss it, but I know its not really. I do horrible, horrible things when I'm manic. There are times when I've gotten completely out of control and hurt my friends and family so much that I want to punch myself just thinking about it! And I'm awfully manipulative and agressive sometimes when I'm manic. I hate that. I definitely never miss that.

That being said, I love hypomania. I really do :| Even if its not 'normal', its wonderful! Since I was really young I'd always though the hypomanic me was the 'real' me, everyone always thought I had ADHD (funny how that disappeared every so often, ha!)...I miss that. I wish it WAS the real me. But since I've got older I've had worse and worse depressive episodes and the hypomania has sort of taken a back seat.
Posted 5/28/2010 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Yes.... And I will drink a pot of coffee , a four pack of red bull , a few 5 hour energy and whatever else Ican get my hands on to *attempt* to get that feeling back .... Doesnt always work out so well :)
Posted 5/29/2010 12:43 AM (GMT 0)
Well im hypomanic more days than not, thats just me. But i have a good, firm hold on this beastie and im constantly on the look out for it getting out of control.

That said the more days i get "normal" the less and less i miss being Manic. There is something to be said for balance and normalicy.

That said i do still enjoy the euphoria i get off of being hypomanic, it is a mild state of euphoria but gives me enough to really enjoy life.

Bill
Posted 5/29/2010 2:27 PM (GMT 0)

SuthernBelle said...
Yes.... And I will drink a pot of coffee , a four pack of red bull , a few 5 hour energy and whatever else Ican get my hands on to *attempt* to get that feeling back .... Doesnt always work out so well :)

Oooo.... Don't do that!  Caffiene and BP do not mix!  skull
Posted 7/16/2010 4:41 AM (GMT 0)
I spent sooo many years trying to make the mania go away...I was so out of control...I was hypersexual, aggressive, anxious, this never felt good for me..i would blow all the money in the account and not have a thing to show for it...I was like this up and down for so long..I just dont understand how it could feel good..the only time it felt good for me is when I would take benzos to bring me down and then I would still be very reckless but I finally felt like me..like myself again..
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