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Husband Left Me After Learning I Was BP - DEVASTATED

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Posted 5/11/2010 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
Hi I am new to the group and I hope someone can give me advice. My husband, who I had helped with getting better with alcoholism came over from the UK, married me, had a business together and throughout it all, we were in love and I was suffering from bi polar symptoms. On our 1st anniversary when my symptoms escalated into manic episodes, crying, etc. I decided to go seek help and he said he was with me on it. Then in the middle of the night, he stole our money and left the country leaving me without a business and utterly devastated. Now back in his country, he is claiming he is BP so he can get government money. He has not once apologized for what he's done and now he has been admitted to hospital for "depression" - he left me and yet I am still calling him and making sure he is okay. I do love him but he knew who he married and he left me so cruelly, I need some friends who can kick my butt into realizing I am worth more than being so nice to this guy who is 4000 miles away and left me financially and emotionally broke. I don't know what to do, where to go, how to get benefits, you name it. I appreciate your advice!  Lesa
Posted 5/11/2010 12:25 PM (GMT 0)

Hi dear Lesa,

Your story really broke my heart for you. Welcome to HW. You are safe and supported here, and we have some fun too!

So you need some friends to "kick my butt into realizing I am worth more than being so nice to this guy who is 4000 miles away and left me financially and emotionally broke."---Well count me in!!! Of course I don't know you as a person; I am not there in your life. So I would really reach out to your friends in your life as well as to us. I am sure the people in your life who know and love you have been trying to encourage you. So what I do know is this: from what you have written, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I believe you deserve a lot better.

I also believe the more you hang on to or keep in contact with him, the further back you are setting yourself. Being bp means we all have a lot to do to keep ourselves healthy. You need a stable, loving, supportive environment around you and he sounds so far from that! We all take care of ourselves when it comes down to it; so let him to that for himself. You certainly don't owe him anything in my opinion. I know this is much easier said than done because there are feelings and history involved, but time will heal that, believe me. Your focus should be on yourself right now and into your future.

Professional supports? You mentioned the financial troubles....so not sure if you have pdoc or therapist.....if so make sure they/he/she knows what has happened and maybe look into counselling to get you through this transition of taking care of yourself.

As far as benefits etc, I live in Canada and I am one of the few Canadians here (I think) so things are completely different for me here than anyone in the US or elsewhere. I am not sure where you are so I don't know.....Are you looking for benefits b/c you cannot work?

I wish you all the best and I really stress that you need to focus on taking care of yourself and setting up those boundaries so you can live a healthy, stable life. Honestly I think it's an advantage that your ex is so far away; it would be much more difficult to move on......

((((Hugs)))) welcome again, and keep us posted!

Posted 5/11/2010 1:05 PM (GMT 0)
Wow thank u so much. I live in Orlando, Florida. I don't have many friends here because I withdrew from most of them being BP. I don't even know what mediciations I should be on because it is so expensive for a psychiatrist. I find it difficult to sleep, keep appointments and yes, work. I do have panic disorder as well. As far as my hubby, yes, it does bring me down and keeps me back. I think about him going on without me, and it makes me think how bad must I have been that he'd be willing to live in sqaulor than be with a woman who took care of him and loved him unconditionally. I would have done anything for him and that's the problem I suppose. These groups and your response has meant so much to me. I just want to get some help and I don't even know where to turn to. Thank you and hugs back!!!!!
Posted 5/11/2010 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
 Welcome to the board.... you will find hope  sticking with this site...

hugs, Caren

Bipolar 1

Posted 5/11/2010 4:59 PM (GMT 0)

Oh dear!  Here is a HUGE hug from me!

I am BP and was in an abusive marriage with a man with undiagnosed BP.  It was horrible.  It leftme very scarred and I didn't even realize it until more than a year afterwards!

Where I live there is a county program that gets my medications and psychiatrist for free.  I think this program might help you?  You said you were self-emplyed, so I'm guessing you didn't/don't have health insurance?

http://www.orangecountyfl.net/cms/DEPT/hs/healthservices/pcan/default.htm

Maintaining friendships is really hard for us BP people.  I went back to friends I had fallen out of touch with, sent letters and emails that said - hey, I'm BP.  I fell out of touch because of this disorder.  I do love you and I'm sorry for putting this distance between us.  Do you want to get together sometime?

You need your friends more than ever!  Keep true friends that accept you and love you exactly as you are.

And here is your kick in the pants - STOP contacting someone who clearly does not care for you or respect you!  You are amazing all by yourself!

Posted 5/11/2010 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
You GO tortoise! Very well put!

 

I too have had a hard time with friendships, but tortoise is right; if there is a way, seeking it may be all the difference.

 

I really hope that you get all the financial stuff worked out and get some pro support in place; sounds like tortoise has some helpful information?

 

 

Posted 5/11/2010 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Yes thank you all so much. Just having these replies during my bouts of insomnia - is that normal as well??? HELPS so much! Tortoise, thank you - I live in Seminole County so I'm trying to find links there, I'm sure there are some. I am hoping that it becomes easier for us all to get free counseling and healthcare services in the future so we can more focus more on healing and not red tape! Well, the husband and I talked a couple times, this was my closure call to him and he spent the whole time talking as though he had always had the bi polar and I didn't - it was all ME ME ME ME and with no care as to how this has affected me. Yet I was still nice and cried and told him I loved him and that he devastated me. Maybe the wrong thing to say but my heart actually hurts when you feel your only friend has left you. Outwardly you'd never know I had a problem, I am a sweet, caring girl. But for some reason I keep allowing toxic people to take advantage bc I'm scared to be alone. So your advice and online friendship means the world!
Posted 5/11/2010 8:03 PM (GMT 0)
I never was alone. I moved out from my parents when I was 18 and promptly bought a house and got married.

I stayed because I didn't think I could survive alone. I finally left after 6 years (5 married).

I discovered that I am a complete, whole person and I totally rock. lol I had quite a bit of hypomania during that year that I lived alone. I absolutely thrived alone, without the toxic people around me.

As I discovered myself, and found myself as a WHOLE person. I kind of like me. :)

My new confidence and whole-ness made me a pretty attractive person... fast forward 2 years...

And NOW I've found out what a relationship is really like! I have a wonderful SO and I "pinch myself" every day because it is so good.

Granted, the BP kicks my butt pretty bad sometimes... it put our relationship on thin ice recently. As long as I take my medication, life is good. and stable!

You rock too. I know this hurts now, but I am HAPPY you have the chance to find yourself! I am thrilled that you know WHY you allow yourself to get hurt. When you know WHY something happens, you can take steps to fix it.
Posted 5/12/2010 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, I am so sorry! Stress and BP don't go well together. There has to be some mental health places in your area that help people with little or no money. Like a county hospital would probably be able to help.

As for meds...they are all so different. I am actually seeing my primary care doc for BP and have not been to a psych yet. Lots of meds come with cards that help pay for them. I am on Seroquel and the doctor gave me a week of samples and a card that helped cover my fist co-pay.

I am the queen of samples! I have no problem asking for them and the docs will usually be generous with them if they know you have limited $$.
Posted 5/12/2010 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
"When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."

I know you don't know me, but things can get better. You are stronger than you think you are. Look into something called DARS ( department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services) you may have to jump thru hoops but they may be able to help you.
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