At the end of the Rope

 Our relationship is a constant rollar coaster. One minute its magic then the next we re screaming and yelling... I have read about BP and everything just says to be patient and supportive but its just hard... I am a Iraqi War vet who has suffered from PTSD and depression myself and I am sorry to say my anger can flare if continually provoked. I have NEVER put my hands on any woman and in fact have defended complete strangers when I've seen it. But it seems to be part of the BP that she just pushes and pushes me until I have to walk out the door because I am so angry. I know that won t help and in fact probably makes it worse but I have to remove myself from the situation to control my anger... I imagine I need help too but I have been through my own trials and know the warning signs...

  I love my girlfriend with all my heart and do everything I can to try and make it work, but she constantly tells me I am not doing anything to make it better and she sees no effort from me. It hurts sooo bad. I am at the edge and don't want it to be over but its seems the episodes are weekly now and its pushing me as far as I can take. I have proposed setting boundries, safe words to let each other know when its getting too much, trying to give her breaks, etc... I just don't know what else to do! We each have a child who live with us and we are all one big happy family when its good, but the arguments start over the pettiest things and then accusations of unfair parenting arise. It's a mess.

I guess my question is this: Is the fact that both of us obviously have issues that conflict and aggravate the others make us an impossible match? Should we cut our losses and give it some time? Should would both go to counsling together? Seperately? Please help.... 

     It all has to start with her gettign diagnosed and ACCEPTING that she has a problem. If she doesnt or wont accept that then the relationship is  a no go. And honestly it took alot of us hitting really rock bottom to accept that maybe the problem was with us, and not with the world at large.

    And you ahve to understand that failure is an option here. Loveing  a BP person isnt something you get right the first time. Practice, practice, practice and even then its no guanrtee. Think about it this way, when you first shot in the military, didnt you get better with practice? Got probally pretty good also.  But the first time you were under fire (If you were) almost everyones accuracy goes out the window. Its only after you live a bit under fire for a while do you learn to cope with it well.  Thats perfect training for living with a BP person. We have the ability to move moutains one day, and to be struck down by our own minds the next. We are both increadibility powerful and unbelieveablity fragile at the same time.

   For us normal emotional swings are not in the picture. We swing wildly from one pole to the other. Medication helps but short of drugging us into a stupor we allways still have the problems, they are just more managable.

   Good luck.

   Bill