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strangeness... what is it?

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Posted 9/14/2010 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
I dont know wehre to start here..

I been having negative thinking lately, just out of the blue like I'm horrible, i'm ugly, i deserve to die.. comparing myself to others nad feeling worthless.

Then last night I couldnt sleep i forget if i had a nap during the day but if i did it was 2 hours no more. i was sleepy but not tired, my body was so jerky and restless and couldnt hold stil to sleep.
i woke during the night aroudn 3am and wasnt tired yet again.
forced myself back into bed.. up at around 6 again.

so i dont know if i slept so much last night.

today is pretty weird i feel like my brain is floating and im watching a movie of stuff, all i want ot do is hide in bed. but as soon as i get htere i am restless and twitch around can't turn off my brain.

also having poor appetite, anxious stomach...

i am at a loss to what this all is about...
i dont really wanna call the pdoc either.
Posted 9/14/2010 9:58 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds kind of manic to me or maybe depressed with anxious symptoms-but I'm no Pdoc. I would definitely call your Dr.
We have to be responsible for our own health care and you can get help for this by being totally honest with your Dr. about
what's going on. You seem to be very aware of your thoughts, physical being and mental state which is a great thing. Are you
taking your meds correctly or are you on meds...they may need to be re-adjusted...I know it's a pain but you're better off in the
long run.

Could be a mixed state too when a person experiences both mania and depression at the same time.

Please call your Pdoc...thinking you deserve to die is serious...could be the beginning of suicidal ideation which is fantasizing
about it before you make the actual plan. I have hospitalized myself over suicidal ideation because it is not normal thinking.

I heard a Bhuddist quote about comparing myself to others: All Comparison Leads To Misery...we either think we're better than or
worse than others and both ends of the spectrum make us unhappy...because in truth we are all equal.
Posted 9/14/2010 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
thanks again red. i still dont wanna call the pdoc. wait a couple days see which direction i'm going, first.
i am taking my meds as prescribed, last change was about a month ago.. and then again 2 weeks before that.. so we'll see.
thanks, i am probably hypersensitive to my thoughts and state... because they affect me so much, i guess? not sure why.

it could be a mixed state i'm thinking too...

i have had suicidal ideation in the past this is something a little different. but if it gets to that i'll definitely call him.

i like that buddhist quote.. i should practice it daily..
All Comparison Leads to Misery.

I guess what really bothered me about this latest thing is that hte thoughts felt out of my control. It wasnt like i was thinking along and comparing myself to others as part of normal thinking, it was like intrusive thoughts in my head just jumping in there.
:(

thanks for letting me get this out, it helps me think it through ~ :)
(((((red)))))
Posted 9/14/2010 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
We love you just the way you are in this very moment in time.
Posted 9/14/2010 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
wow I get like that so much, like not today,but yesterday. Everything is blurry and dreamy and it feels like your not really there and everything is confusing rite?you feel like someone elses thoughts are going through your head and its scary. you just want to sleep through it because everything feels strange but you can't sleep, but your exhausted, but your soooo restless.I feel you. I know exactly how you feel. I hope I don't get in tubles for telling you that I prayed for you....you will get better soon. It doesn't last forevers, but yea if it gets worse call your doc, It sucks feeling worthless and you shouldn't. hope that helped. byes
Posted 9/14/2010 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
wolflover, thank you.. it sounds like u really know how i feel...
yeah, its really a weird feeling and you described it really well.
i think its getting better or maybe its gonna come in waves..
its ok that u prayed for me i respect all religions...
yes, it helped a lot!! thank you so much!!
ps. do you have a wolf?
Posted 9/14/2010 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
Rite now I'm manic. no, I don't have a wolf. I will one day though if I can get my life together. I would love to open up a wolf sanctuary, after I get out of school.
Posted 9/14/2010 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
If you make an appt with your pdoc for Friday, you can always GO it if your distressing thoughts continue. It could be a long, uncomfortable weekend if you are suffering.
OR, you can cancel it on Thurs. if this thing has passed.

Remember, Thurs. a.m. to decide

Best Wishes !
Posted 9/16/2010 12:12 AM (GMT 0)
things are better. much better. maybe the mixed has become a hypomania. i dont know and don't care :) things are just ,freakin, good.

ecxept now i'm bored out of my mind wiht no job and nothing to do all day :P
its been a YEAR i've done all my hobbies til they dried up and been lazy enough for 15 koala bears!!!!
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