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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 9/28/2010 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
I hate being loved one minute, and pretty much , hated the next. How do you get through this? How can someone have intimate feelings for someone, that treats them so bad? I love my BP wife, but I am tired of being mistreated! Who can I talk to? Who can help me?!!! I'm getting ready to give up, and that is not what I want. Please, I need someone to talk to.
Posted 9/28/2010 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
ill listen if u want mate?????
Posted 9/28/2010 4:17 AM (GMT 0)
ill listen if u want mate?????
Posted 9/28/2010 4:36 AM (GMT 0)
AW, thats a tuff one. Perhaps you need to consult a therapist or marriage counselor yourself to understand this. Meds are good, but it can be a while to find the correct combo.

You should not be treated this way, although BPs are moody and do "seem" to be taking out "something" on their spouses, at times. Sometimes "act up" when stressed externally or internally. Frequently is so confusing.

If you don't mind, how long have you been married, how long has she been diagnosed BP? Its a very difficult thing to be newly, happily married,unaware of this "problem", until Wham!

There is a book available to download by Julie A. Fast, Living with Someone Who is Bipolar, good

Sandy
Posted 9/28/2010 9:32 AM (GMT 0)
We have been married a little over 2yrs. She has been on different meds since, Dec of 09. There are some other problems going on right now, effecting her balance. This is so hard to deal with.
Posted 9/28/2010 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
Carvin,

I understand completely what you are going through. I don't believe my wife has ever been stable. It is very tough to get yelled at and also get berated for nothing at all, then later you get loved on. It takes a lot of patience and love.

I always tell myself its the illness when the things happen. Does it make it easier? Maybe a little at first, but, as you keep doing that it will help. I am still learning to respond instead of react to the symptoms that happen. Its hard, but, as Trying to Understand mentioned, the book from Julie Fast is a good help to explain these things.

I believe in God, and that has helped me alot also.

The other things going on right now, is there any way for you to be able to help her with them? Sometimes we have to step in and be buffers for things.

I know this is hard, but, don't take things personally. That will eat you up. I understand because I will give you an example. My wife will be irritated, I get called a jerk and stuff, then later she will tell me how nice I am. The irritation was not personal. I know thats hard to understand, but, I have to had to come to this realization. Now, I know the nice part is personal and she meant it.

Also, Carvin, make sure you are getting rested.
Posted 9/28/2010 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
Carvin, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I have had the same problems with my husband, except I was the one doing the berating. We are having other issues at this point in time, but in the past I would get in a mood and just go off on him. I would be irritated at something other than him, but he would do something that would trigger my anger and I would just lose it. There really are no excuses for that type of behavior and I always felt horrible afterwards. Counseling really is the best way to get through these patches. The counselor can help her learn other ways to get her frustration out, other than you, and they can teach you how to try and calm the situation without upsetting her more and also teach you how to deal with the emotional abuse yourself. My husband would refuse to go to counseling with me, but I went and asked how I could defer my anger and went home and pleaded with him to help me with the issues. We both learned to walk away from certain situations and he also learned to see the signs of my irritation and just kind of back off for a while or ask me if I needed some time alone. Sometimes just going for a short drive would calm me down enough to where I wouldn't go off an anyone. It's hard, I know because he broke down a couple of times while telling me how much my words would hurt him, but you both have to work at it. It's not fair to you though to have to go through that, so your #1 goal right now should be to try and see what she is willing to do to try and change her behavior. Best of luck to you.

Lindz
Posted 9/29/2010 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
Another thing Julie A Fast has, is Health Cards. Name is deceiving. Look on her website, there is a sample. She says that these are useful for the family as well as the BPer. Its examples of what to do when you are stuck or lost as to what to do with the current state of affairs. If you are on Disability, or your wife, she will give you a discount so they only cost $19.99, you download.
Sandy
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