Think im getting hypo again YAY

Anyhow    Im SUPER happy this morning , thoughts are jumbled ... not really racing , but while I was getting dressed for work , which only took about 2 minutes I decided (out of the blue) to ask BF about buying a new house and I came up with this amazing plan on renting our house out and paying th emortgage with the rent money ...  Which actually is not that stupid bc I used to do that with my ex husband and we ended up owning several nice properties.  During the time I was thinking about this I was also thinkig about implementing the plan that tortiose suggested and how I was going to do that today ...  And I have to go out and buy the kids winter clothes very soon, and then I have to do all kinds of things for my ebay store.  ALl of this in a matter of minutes ... and then some , My mind is flooded with thoughts .

I only wish that this  feeling would last.  I have never been truly manic ( I dont think)   But these days I cant seem to keep my hypo feeling for more than like 8 hours.. It sucks!   I havent been depressed though since starting wellbutrin ( knock on wood)

My whole body feels "tingly" like a rush of energy...  It is so nice to feel this again . Its been awhile. 

It does scare me though about not being on a mood stabilizer and taking the wellbutrin.   I have heard its the least likely to cause a manic switch , but im still worried ...

Oh well ,  I feel great :)

Have a good day yall !

alright I have to leave now  to go to the school   I will write later.  Thanks for listening its so nice to have people to talk to .  I really do love you guys

 I used to have triple that amount daily , but I cut back about a month ago.   And this morning I didnt even need coffee , I only had one half cup of espresso today ... I have become dependant on it to get through the day for so many years bc of the depression and lack of energy etc ....   But I suspect it is effecting me more than I could possibly imagine.

I also ( in addition to my daily coffee) would have at least two red bull drinks and two or three 5 hour energy shots ... I was a mess. Taking caffiene pills ....  whatever I could to have more energy . Im surprised my heart is still beating .  I stopped all this about a month ago ....

Thats why  Isaid I was immune to the stuff :)  

Last night BF had to stay at work late to prepare for a trial and I had a problem with the furnace, and we had no hot water. He had let it run out of heating oil the day before and they had to bring us more yesterday , so when you let the furnace run out of oil completley ( which NEVER should have happened and wouldnt if he would let me KNOW we needed it ) you have to have it reset.... So I called him and asked how to do it . He told me ,,, it didnt work .... so i called back and told him its NOT working .

then basically he told me that he couldnt handle it right now and that i needed to do something about it .  I said OK I am not a repairman.....  He just kept reaqeting " is there anything you can do about this??"   Not really!!!!

So what did I do??  I called the man down the street to come fix it ... and he did... and we had hot water.

What is my point??   Im angry that he is so scattered that things like this happen. Running out of oil, cell phones getting turned off , late notices in the mail about utilities . He called me last week freaking out bc the electric bill was 800 dollars. But it is for TWO months! bc its LATE.

Thats makes me SO angry with him .

Second ... 

I am used to having a man around to do things ......fix things . and take care of things.

My ex husband took care of me , and our home , when something needed fixing , he was there , and never once did he leave ME to do it.  He checked on my car all the tme to make sure it was safe (oil, tires, brakes etc)

When something breaks here .. it is MY job to take care of it .  Installing the toilets.. taking up the hardwood floor, installing the thermostats, unclogging the toilet.

Last week he let me know that the toilet was clogged upstairs , and actually said " are you EVER going to fix it??"  I said I had NO idea it was clogged!! (apparently it had been that way a few days)  I said WHAT is wrong with your hands???  No response.

I do NOT mind fixing things ... What i mind is that he treats it like its MY 'duty"

IM jsut tired of being the repairman, Im tired of living with a man who doesnt take care of me . And I am almost to a point where I am going to say that sentence out loud , and I have no idea how much trouble it will cause.

I worked double shifts all weekend , and I come home on sunday night and what do I find??  three loads of laundry on the couch , house turned upside down , crumbs all over the floor , the house looked like a bomb went off . and the dinner I had made in the crockpot for them on the DAY BEFORE, was still sitting on the counter wthe food in it . 

WHere is he ?? Laying on the couch watching football.  Now mind you , I have jsut worked 28 hours in the two days.  and  I lost it . I told him I wasnt touching this mess and that if he didnt have work clothes then that was his problem bc they would sit there on teh couch and rot! bc I was NOT folding them!  I just burst into tears , I cannot take that stress . so he fussed a little , athen got up to do a few things .

And guess what .... I had to call Jos a bank yesterday to check on his new suits ... they are ready for pickup... guess where *I* will be told to go this afternoon after I get off work?  I am willing to bet thats the first thing he calls to ask me to do ....

He is lazy, inconsiderate, and a slob most of the time and Im just about at the end of my rope.  

This is what I ahve suggested to him for the bills :  I am wonderful at making plans and lists and sticking to it , keeping up with bills , when they are due , etc .  He is NOT , never has been  .  SO I offered to help him get them in order.  He hasnt done it yet , despite my nagging bc he says it "stresses him out" 

It is not that he doesnt have the money .. he has tons of money , he has been an attorney for the government for 18 years , so hes not hurting financially  , trust me .   It is that he is not organized .  I buy groceries every week ,  which is $150.00 pay him for half of our cell bill  $100.00 and pay one utility , which is usually around $300 for the bill ... water ... gas.. whatever ...  

He has the money  , he jsut doesnt pay the bills  on time.

(((I think it was TOTALLY out of line to harass him about the hot water while he was working. That's a vicious attack. He's got Asperger's - he can't handle it when you throw him a curveball. He can't process it or problem solve, so he repeats whatever trying to get you to frickin' leave him alone.))))

He repeatedly asked me to call him back every half hour to let him know if I was able to fix the water. That is why  Icalled him to let him know about it . It wasnt that I was harassing him , My behind would have gotten yelled at BAD if I hadnt kept him up to date about what was going on .

(((3. Boundaries, dear. We've told you this many times. Find a haven in the house (like he has the TV as his escape). Tape a not on the T.V. saying essentially "I'm on strike until I get help with X, Y, and Z." Be totally specific. What EXACTLY do you want him to do? Laundry? Dishes? Make it clear and simple. And then STOP doing those things. Stop getting emotional about it. It's no longer your problem.)))

I think this is great advice. and I will most certainly do that. I am goin to start tonight.  I guess I am going to have to spell everything out for him .