Sometimes I just dont know which way to turn

The stress of my job is killing me .... My kids dont listen , and I have to tell them 5 times to do one thing ( try doing that with 3 kids )  My jaw literally hurts from talking so much.

I calmly talked with BF about everything that has been bothering me , and I listened to all that has been bothering him.  Things were calm then he said that bc i have gone to bed early the past three nights without saying goodnight , or letting him know that I was going to bed , or most importantly having sex with him , that I was being " cold, distant, irrational, erratic, and *****y.

Then he said I MUST be drinking ... which is total BS, I have not touched alcohol in three months.  havent the urge to either.  But he didnt buy it , called me a liar and said that he KNEW I was drinking.  And insisted I MUST be , bc Im upset with him (WHAT??)

 I told him to shut up and kiss my backside if he was going to call me a liar. 

 I was going out for groceries when I got home from work , but now , I jsut dont feel like it .

Im so tired of not having any time , Im so tired of not having any help , Im tired of working my butt off , Im tired of everything . BF talked me in to moving here , and  told that everything would be fine if I would just give it a chance and move here , uproot my life and the kids , he said he would take cate of things and that I wouldnt have to work much at all , and that I would be able to go back to school  , which looks like I will never be able to do.  As it is Im working 18 hours a day ( at work THEN at home)  I dont even have an hour to take a bath at night .

I never had all these problems at before I moved here . I now have some sort of drama every day.  And my kids are not happy here either. My son tells me everyday how much he misses his dad and his family and he is acting out bc he is homesick and resents me for making him move here. 

In trying to make a new , happy , good life for my kids and myself , have I totally screwed it all up??  And is it better HERE, or to go back home and have to do all this alone?

I dont mind being alone , but I want my kids to have a family. But this is just not working out the way I intended and I am not sure how to fix it , or even if it can be fixed.

sorry for the rambling, I jsut feel really bad right now.

First , I do make good money at my job . But in order to make that money , I have roughly 40 tables each day, sometimes more. I sit for maybe 30 minutes  a day, in two to five minute intervals and  the rest of the time Im standing , running back and forth. sometimes cant even make it to the bathroom for 5 hours or longer. It is SO crazy busy.  It is y far the hardest job I ahve ever had in my life. The other day I had a customer that said she had been a server for 9 years and had never seen anything like what the servers at my job had to do. 

It sucks , and all I get from BF is " I have a job too"  

Well he is a lawyer and I have BEEN to hisd job. He sits at a desk and eats soft pretzels and reads the paper in his nice comfy leather chair. and on wednesday he teaches a law school class at Temple university.  Throw in the occasional Arb , case settlement conference , and a trial maybe a few times a year.   I can see how it compares ( note my extreme sarcasm)

I will make that list and talk calmly about everything with BF, It has to happen , somethings gotta give before  we both break.

Im going to make a list of pros and cons.. it will also help me to realize exactly what is going on , all of my mixed feelings etc ....  

I could write alot more but right now I have to physically put my 9 year old in the bathtub bc I have told her 7 times in 20 minutes and she is still standing there.

However, this medication is not helping the situation.. in fact I believe it is hurting it alot more.  I feel "flat" like I have no feelings , no emotions, I can get upset... but I have this " I dont care attitude" and im quiet and detached .  It may not be the cause for everything , but it certainly adds to the problem.

Im seriously considering telling emy pdoc to give me something else. But im afraid that I havent given this enough time to work .  I feel no excitement, no "good" feelings  Its like im a little depressed.... 

And (this may sound really stupid)  But we have a wedding to go to tomorrow night , and I am really dreading it , more than I can say....  I have SO much anxiety about going, to the point Im almost tempted not to go.  why?  Well the reasons are stupid.... 

 1. I dont know what to wear, I havent been to a wedding in 13 years. This is causing me more worry than I can say.  I know its silly .

2. I cant drink on this medication , and I have so much social anxiety that I usually NEED a few drinks to be able to function at parties etc

3. Im usually exhausted by 11 pm   , and this wedding is not over til 1 am , thats when BF is planning on us coming home. Im afraid he will get mad at me for being tired and not being "social"  and that would cause an argument that we dont need.

But I still dont know what to wear :)   LOL

I did find a perfect little dress way down deep in my closet that I never thought  Iwould be able to fit in again . Casual enough to not make me feel over dresssed , I think its just perfect :)  

Thanks for all the support :)