HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

maybe i am getting hypomanic

Support Forums
>
Bipolar Disorder
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 10/3/2010 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
i've been looking at plane tickets for the last hour and seriously contemplating just packing up and going to france. tickets are on sale right now and i just want to get a credit card and buy them and go the heck back to the only place on earth i am happy
my boyfriend is upset with me because i told him i wanted to spend christmas in paris, and he wont come with me to paris because he can't afford it and wants me to spend christmas with him. but i dont think i can possibly wait until next summer. i want to go back so badly. aaaaargh.
Posted 10/4/2010 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hmmm... agreed you are getting hypomanic. But I can see how you are desparately seeking happiness. Being someplace familiar can help you feel more comfortable, but it won't bring true happiness.

You will find happiness after you get stable and healthy again.

What if you travel away from your Dr's, don't have medical records, and have a really serious situation like a psychotic break? Scary!
Posted 10/4/2010 1:11 PM (GMT 0)

Hi voix,

If you suspect you are in a hypomanic episode, it is time to take actions to get yourself well. I saw the post about your drinking for 3 days and I know I don't have to lecture you, but try to do what is healthy for you right now.

Being hypomanic means that it's not the best time to make any kind of big decisions. That is one thing I can tell you for sure. And the drinking will only lead to trouble and likely depression.

I am concerned for you with all that has been going on in your life. Do you suffer from anxiety as well? Do you have a therpist; someone you can talk to and who can help you sort things out. It seems to me you take too much on and get very overwhelmed. I can relate.

I hope you are sober today and are at a point where you realize you need to slow down and really get help for yourself.

We are here for you.

Hugs,

Mogs

Posted 10/4/2010 1:34 PM (GMT 0)
its genetic:



1. Do you feel that you are stable enough at this point to make a decision to go to Paris, since that's the only place you are happy?
I do, and I'm trying to hold off on buying tickets until next summer. But it's just very annoying because the prices are like $300 less during the school year. But obviously I can't miss school


2. Would you have resources there to live since your parents are in the states?
absolutely none, and I couldn't work there because I have an American passport, which is why i am working on getting my degree in french and trying for a dual citizenship.


3. Do you feel that you are independent enough to make a decision to go to Paris regardless of how your boyfriend feels about it? Are you independent from him at this point? If you are, it's an indication of a growing maturity. If not, you may be hesitating because you are still very dependent on him, or you know that you do not have the financial resources to make such a decision.

I'm dependent on my boyfriend. at least I think I am. I want to spend every single second of every day with him. I want to go to paris alone but I'm worried that he will be jealous of me seeing French boys or that I'll get too lonely without him.

4. If you knew that you had a home in your name that was paid for in France, a job, a new automobile, and sufficient income to support you for the rest of your life in Paris, would you leave for Paris on a prepaid flight without regard for how you boyfriend might feel about your decision?
My answer would be no. I don't even want my own car, and I don't want to be handed some job that I would have to work at the rest of my life. my boyfriend is learning French right now in school so that when the time comes that I have the opportunity to move to France, he will come with me. I would never leave him behind.
Posted 10/4/2010 1:36 PM (GMT 0)

mogli said...
Hi voix,

If you suspect you are in a hypomanic episode, it is time to take actions to get yourself well. I saw the post about your drinking for 3 days and I know I don't have to lecture you, but try to do what is healthy for you right now.

Being hypomanic means that it's not the best time to make any kind of big decisions. That is one thing I can tell you for sure. And the drinking will only lead to trouble and likely depression.

I am concerned for you with all that has been going on in your life. Do you suffer from anxiety as well? Do you have a therpist; someone you can talk to and who can help you sort things out. It seems to me you take too much on and get very overwhelmed. I can relate.

I hope you are sober today and are at a point where you realize you need to slow down and really get help for yourself.

We are here for you.

Hugs,

Mogs

i do suffer from anxiety as well. my pdoc put me on buspar recently to help with that, but i've read that it's only a temporary fix. it seems like theres nothing out there that will help me on a daily basis for a long time.
i do have a therapist who i see every monday (so today) i don't have any more alcohol or i would probably still be drinking though.
Posted 10/4/2010 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
as far as me forbidding him from talking to his friend, he admitted he had feelings for her and when i was going through a rough patch wanted to cheat on me with her, so i think that i have grounds for telling him the relationship with her is inappropriate and that i won't stand for it. i know he still talks to her and it just makes me so upset but i dont want to leave him
Posted 10/4/2010 4:10 PM (GMT 0)
as far as the depression goes.. yes, i consider myself depressed. whether i'm suicidal or not doesnt matter, i feel like i'm in this constant state of unhappiness that i probably feel relief from for maybe 20 minutes a week. it doesnt matter what meds i'm on. all they do is keep me from being suicidal. i don't think i'm ever going to be happy and no matter what anybody says or does or tells me what to do, it's never going to change. i would say this is just a mood swing but ive felt this way my entire life. so no, its not just a mood swing. it's who i am, i make myself miserable.
Posted 10/4/2010 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Voix,

Listen to the voices on here.  Everyone is concerned and encouraging you not to do anything impulsive.  You write on here to get encouragement and feedback.  The best thing to do is get the help you need to get stabilized and then decide what you are going to do.  I imagine that doesn't make a lot of sense or is not convincing when you are in a hypomanic or manic state of mind, but you need to listen to those who are concerned about you before you really get hurt.  I wonder also if you need to go to AA.

Posted 10/4/2010 10:30 PM (GMT 0)
first of all for everyone insinuating that i am an alcoholic and need AA, this is the first time i have ever gone out and bought alcohol for myself and gotten drunk like that. i'm struggling. i feel like crap. i needed a freaking break from myself.


second of all, i don't really appreciate you writing me off it's genetic. if you don't have any suggestions for me, don't post in my threads. i'm sorry if this is rude, but i am horribly offended by what you said.

i really don't think i'm hypomanic because i am still sleeping fine. i'm not 'depressed', i'm just my usual self. if i was depressed, i would be suicidal. this is just the way i am.
Posted 10/4/2010 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
Voix,

Thank you for being so candid.  I am so sorry to have offended you with suggesting AA.  I was alarmed by the 3 days drinking and wanting more.  I understand what you are saying though, and I am sorry I took that out of context and made such a leap, although I was not assuming you were an alcoholic.    Please accept my apologies. blush

Posted 10/5/2010 12:16 AM (GMT 0)

It's genetic said...
This post today is not the first post that relates to drinking, depression, anger,
references to anger with the boyfriend. It isn't a question of writing you off.
It's that the effort to assist doesn't work.

It is better for you to see the threads that do assist. I can't apologize for
recognizing that my efforts are of no avail. That's just the way it happens in
life.

When I am wrong, I most definitely apologize; but when I have rational ability to see things in a clear view, I remain strong in my views.

I won't post again in your behalf; you just missed the point of the efforts that point to self-observation. I just won't view your posts again in an effort to
remain free from the blasts that will inevitably come.

It's genetic

I'm happy that you will no longer be replying to my threads, I have never been more insulted.
Posted 10/6/2010 1:41 AM (GMT 0)
Well, I'm just wondering this. When you have your appt every week are you telling them the whole unbiased truth of what you are doing and how you feel?
That you have to get away from yourself, think that going to Paris is the only short term answer at this point, use wine when necessary to cope.
Its natural for you to feel insulted. You're in a bit of denial.
Remember, you are taking medicine to combat the depression but then tossing the greatest depressant right on top of it. Meds don't work well in that case.
We've all been there to one extent or another. Are not picking on you. Want you to avoid some pitfalls that hinder your recovery.

See you as a beautiful young soul with a better future than a past.

That you have always felt this miserable doesn't mean that you are just a miserable person. The whole point is that you do want to feel better and are seeking treatment. So far haven't found the way. Its there somewhere, will take more work and trying different things.
And being open to suggestion. You can do it now or do it later. But its you that have the final say so here.
We respect that. Sometimes we shout, get out of breath, and feel that you won't hear us. We understand where you're at and offering the best advice we can.
You can't beat experience.
Sandy

Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 10/5/2010 7:46:04 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/6/2010 8:19 AM (GMT 0)
From me:
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
To you:
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
Posted 10/6/2010 8:40 AM (GMT 0)
My dear Voix
I've been thinking about you and your struggle. I located this book for myself on Amazon. Its $3.99 with free 2 day shipping. Copied some info from it to show you.

What to Say When you Talk To Yourself, Dr. Shad Helmstetter
Most information that our subconscious mind receives, from both external and internal sources, is negative. At any given time within our subconscious, as many as three negative thoughts are duking it out with one positive. Not knowing right from wrong, our subconscious chooses to believe the most dominant thought pattern. Unless we feed more positive messages to our subconscious, we become a prisoner to negative thought patterns.
Self talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions.
What to Say reveals a simple way to overcome the onslaught of negative thought by literally feeding positive thoughts into our subconscious through Self-Talk. More than just affirmation statements, Dr. Helmstetter shows how to get specific and attack problems at their source.

I highly recommend this to you. You're a very bright girl and I think you could pick this right away if you tried. Since you're bored, it wouldn't hurt to take a look see. Maybe they have it at the library.
Sandy
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply