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Posted 10/7/2010 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
I hate feeling this way . BF is once again giving me the silent treatment. And once again , I dont really understand what I did.

night before last things were perfect, we were laughing , goofing around , playing with the kids. Then he said something about the downstairs bathroom ( toilet needs repairing, because *I* installed it and had NO idea how)  he said " if the toilet has leaked under the floor then the hardwood has to come up " which makes absolutley NO sense bc the way it is installed , there is NO way that there could be any water under the floor. and he was stressing about it . So I told him there is no way that could happen , he argued wit hme and told me that I was not an expert on toilets.  I said no but I put it in the bathroom and I have seen underneath it and there is no way , unless the laws of gravity have changed and water now goes UP instead of down , that there is water leaking under the floor.

I was simply trying to stop him from stressing over nothing. we have enough going on without him creating issues.

So he got mad and started cursing at me under his breath . Then he went to bed .

So yesterday I text him and said why are you mad?  he said Im not mad , there are many issues "  So I told him we would talk about it last night when we both got home. I got no response , then he stayed out til 11 playing poker.  so i went to bed .

This morning I was lying in bed and the alarm went off , he put his hand on my arm and said " do you have to go to work, are you getting up?"  I said (VERY nicely) Yes Im awake.  To that he said " ok sorry I bothered you"    and that was it.

How can I get him to stop acting like a child? should I just never argue with him about anything? I guess that is what started this...  And NOW " there are many issues"

Sigh ....

 

Posted 10/7/2010 11:22 AM (GMT 0)
Ask him to write down on a peice of paper everything that he wants to discuss with you. Write it all out when you are not arround.
Look at the paper when he is not there. Try to look at it objectivly. rewrite the paper quoting his and discussing each issue WITHOUT blaming him or being a doormat. Give it to him. Set up a time to go over it together. Use "I feel" insead of "you make me feel".

Having it on paper defuses the emotional part of listing the issues. It allows each of you to get the whole issue out without interuption. It gives you time to prepare the issues before going face to face at the end.

I learned this technique at a marrage counceling seminar with my husband. I think it works well for us (until we got good at going over it face to face)

If you like the idea, I hope it helps.
Posted 10/7/2010 11:24 AM (GMT 0)
Makes no sense to me. Thought you were going to see some passion to start the day, sorry

Glad you returned, how did it go at the wedding?

And how are you feeling other than the BF problem? Meds OK?
Posted 10/8/2010 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
Well I thought it had gotten better.. I worked a 14 hour double shift today and so I really didnt feel like arguing and being treated cold when I got home so I text and said I love you .. to which I got some generic response , I forget what it was , like whats for dinner or someting like that.

So I came home , and he told me the kids were in bed , etc ,et c  everyone ate .... 

Then I sat down to start counting my tip money for the day ... he said you look annoyed , Which I didnt , I looked "focused" bc I was counting handfuls of crumpled up ONES.  Ok ... so he starts to tell me something , I cant tell its important by the way he is hesitant abotu it ....  Then he stops , and says " how did you do today?"  I sd about $88 dollars tonight ... so I guess about $180. He gets mad and says " For WHAT1?!?  Today?? Tonight?? COMBINED??   "  I sd all day TOTAL.   dang..... "  he said " well you arent clear and then you act like Im an idiot for asking"  I said ok , what did you need to tell me ? 

  " NOTHING!"   

I sd you started to say something important then stopped .... again I get " NOTHING"   " I ahve to walk on eggsshells to keep from pissing you off" 

I sd ok forget this ....and went up to take a shower.

I have worked all day and am NOT NOT NOT coming home to him TRYING to start trouble when I walk in the door. so I havent spoke to him since , and he is lying on the couch asleep .  

WHATEVER. I have to be back at work in the morning and have to get up and get kids ready for school at 6 am . 

He can act like a baby if he wants , but mama is TIRED of the BS.

Posted 10/8/2010 3:13 AM (GMT 0)
Meds are OK ... cant really tell a dfference... im not going bouncy~ bounce ~bounce off the walls anymore....   Thank God .... and im not really depressed either...   I have so much to deal with from all different angles I guess slight depression is a good sign... means im breathing :(

the wedding was good ... we had a good time. Drank too much and BF only made me mad once  :)   He was trying to drag me out to a bar at midnight bc all of his friends were going after the wedding , and I had already said I am exhausted and so drunk I cant stand , I have to go home and go to bed , and he had the nerve to keep asking me to go to the bar.  and started making comments about " everyone else is going"  I said well , everyone else is NOT going home with ME, and you have to live with me !   lol  

So he got pissy , but straightened up. ...  it was mostly the alcohol .... 

Anyhow it was a nice wedding ... good food and it was nice to get out .

Thanks for the advice Christina....  I am considering couples counseling if we could ever fit it into our schedules....   I dont understand him , and He doesnt understand me , and Im not even sure if he understands himself to be honest.   He swears its all me and its clearly NOT.  

going to try to sleep now. 

~ Belle

Posted 10/8/2010 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
Please don't tiptoe around him. It doesn't give a good example of healthy relationships to your kids.

Sooner or later, something has got to give. What are you waiting for?

Sorry.... I know it's not what you want to hear, but I get so frustrated with the both of you because I want to make it "all better" but you guys are BOTH dancing the same circle.
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