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Posted 10/21/2010 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
Today we got an eighteen hundred dollar bill in the mail for our homeowners insurance.  Since we have filed for bankruptcy and are going into foreclosure, the mortgage has not  been paid and our property taxes and homeowner's insurance are paid through the escrow with our mortgage.  We simply did not think of these not being paid and our attorney did not tell us about this cropping up.  Dumb I know.  This week we had to pay $800 to a collection agency for the remainder of my hospitalization bill back in March.  We have to figure out what to do about property taxes.  We have some good rental house possibilities and I hope we will get that settled in the next several weeks.  But I am so scared.  My husband asks me what I am scared of.  Well, people showing up asking for money, never getting our head above water again, not being able to pay what we currently owe such as on the homeowners, my student loan coming out of forbearance in April and placing a new large strain on us, never getting ahead, not being able to provide for my children in the future (especially educationally).  I am scared of all of these things.  My husband's dad helps us out - he helped pay for the hospital bill - and does so gracefully.  I am so thankful for that.  At the same time, I hate the we keep having to turn to him.  We have cars, we have each other, we have jobs and insurance, we have food, we will continue to have some sort of roof over our heads.  These are true blessings, I know.  I am still terrified - it feels like we are in free fall.  I am a person of faith, but when I get so scared I feel like I don't deserve for God to help in this situation - notice the "I"... what about the rest of my family, huh?!  If I hadn't got sick and lost my job this would not have happened, and I feel like there should have been a way to prevent my getting sick or for me to buffer my job and family from my illness.  I should have been able to control things better.   Will things ever get better and will we ever be able to climb out of this hole. It feels like it keeps getting deeper and the student loan is a ball and chain around my foot on top of it all.   Sorry to dump again.  I would appreciate any words of guidance, encouragement, comfort.

Got to go back to work - counseling appt with client.  I hate this - I feel like an imposter to go be a counselor when I am so messed up myself.

Posted 10/21/2010 8:59 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, I forgot to mention that one of the frustrating things is that I was doing better this week until the bill came.  I am working hard at getting better - right now reading Julie Fast's book Getting It Done When You are Depressed - great book.  It is so hard to get and stay on my feet in this situation.  Any advice there?  Just compartmentalize and live somewhat in denial of what is going on?  I don't know.
Posted 10/21/2010 9:08 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry you are going through this...... paranoia is part of Bipolar

hugs, Caren

Posted 10/22/2010 12:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your kind words and your feedback Caren.  How do I seem to be paranoid in this situation.  I guess if you are paranoid, it is hard to have insight into the fact and how you are being paranoid! smilewinkgrin
Posted 10/22/2010 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
soleilsun,

I'm not expert but I just went through this a little while ago, only a chapter 13. You should not have to pay anyone from the date that you filed. Anyone that contacts you about bills should be told you filed, the case number, as well as the name and number of your attorney. They are not allowed to continue to pursue collection against you in any way by law.

I don't know about the insurance but our attorney told us that the taxes go with the house and not to pay them.

I would recommend talking to your attorney about it especially before paying anyone. By doing so you may be giving up rights.

If your attorney isn't experienced in these matters go to one that is. They may seem shady but they know their stuff

Tim
Posted 10/22/2010 1:46 AM (GMT 0)
Gosh, Tim, thanks for that information.  We have filed a chapter 13 also, and some things are covered under that protection and others are not.  Our car loan is not and we keep paying on it, for example.  I did not even think about that for the hospital bill - just assumed since it was not on the list of things covered, it wasn't. At the time we were filing, this bill was not on the radar... I think it just got lost in the shuffle.  That is really good to know about the property taxes.  We will check out all these things with the lawyer.  So you got through it, huh.  Was it awful in the middle, like it feels right now for me?

Thank you,

soleilsun

Posted 10/22/2010 2:06 AM (GMT 0)
sun, "Feelings don't change facts." You stated your facts correctly. Believe them, they are true and remain true no matter how you feel about them.

(((hugs)))
Posted 10/22/2010 5:53 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with Tim, don't pay for anything else without first finding out if you really have to. And then, just pay a small amt., not payment in full, or usual amt.

As far as relying on your FIL, its probably a good feeling he gets when he helps out. Some people won't part with a dime, even when they have it, and prefer to leave an inheritance. Bad idea. I for one would rather give my kids money when I still am around to see them enjoy it. I was feeling bad that my son finally got his act together as far as education a little later in life but was struggling to pay for it. I gave them $2000 last spring to make sure they both finished, for once and for all. What did they do? Flew to Hawaii, for their 10th anniversary renewal vows, which they would not have been able to do because of school expenses, and had a marvelous time. At first I was miffed, then when I saw the million photos, was so touched by how smiling and happy they were. Glad they did it now, rather than when I was not here to see that.

I know your situation sure isn't a trip to Hawaii, don't mean to make light of it. Just that taking that money is OK.
You're doing as well as can be expected and more. Glad you are finding Julie's book helpful. I think she's a great author, and understands BP solutions so well too. Don't sweat that education loan either, just a pittance till you are on your feet again.

My friend incurred a huge bill when she lost her baby at birth. Whenever the mailman was due she would get close to hysterical and weepy just knowing he was in the neighborhood. This lasted for a long time. You won't be magically all better until a while after you have resolved all this financial/relocation anxiety. Be patient with yourself. Do you do deep breathing or meditation?
Posted 10/22/2010 11:36 AM (GMT 0)
soleilsun,

For us anything that wasn't secured didn't get paid. We kept our house and my truck and both are in the bankruptcy. They even forced Capital One to drop the interest rate on the truck to 6%. The only things we couldn't get rid of were the taxes on the house because we kept it, income taxes, and student loans. We have a fairly large payment every month and it makes things tight but it kept us from losing everything. When I am contacted by previous creditors I send the bill to the attorney and he sends them a letter. That is usually the end of it.

It sucks as you know and sometimes I wish we would have just did a chapter 7 and gave up the house and truck to be done with it but we are managing. We have a 5 year plan and there will be 4 to go in March. Then I hope everything goes back to normal.

8 Months out feels much better! Hang in there and hold your ground. You'll make it.

Tim
Posted 10/25/2010 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your comments.  I was away at a professional conference this weekend and am just getting back to the board.  Tim, thanks again for sharing your experience.  Tortoise, you say "feelings don't change facts"... I am not sure what are the facts and what are the feelings.  Does that make sense?  You say I know my facts, but I am not sure that I do.  And I feel very helpless as my husband is handling the finances and all the details of this stuff right now, since I am so anxious and overwhelmed I can't handle it.  How do things get this way?  I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I have a doctorate for heavens sake yet can't manage life at this point.  I don't know how we are going to be able to afford to rent anything.  And the heartbreaking part to me is I feel like I am totally letting my children down.  They don't know about the bankruptcy or anything, but any well-planned life is gone - shattered - maybe it never existed.   I can't get out of this spin cycle of fear, anxiety, shame, dread, worry.
Posted 10/26/2010 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
Not to minimize your fears and feelings, want you to keep in mind that you aren't the first for this to happen to, you aren't alone here in the forum, and your kids have the advantage of having 2 parents that love and provide for them, VERY WELL They may have lost a little on the privilege end of the spectrum that money could buy, but they have more than many.

Be grateful that your husband has the where with all to take care of the finances, and has not thrown in the towel. You didn't make this happen to yourself, why do you continue to torture yourself? Yes, you have a doctorate, you can think yourself "up" a bit instead of letting the emotions take over.

Its a slippery slope, and easy to slip back, you must hang on. Do you think you need something more in the way of an anti-depressant?
Posted 10/26/2010 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your comments, TTU, all very well said.  Good reminders.  My dr. doesn't want to go up any further on the anti-depressants.  I just feel so badly.  I do the self-talk and it works sometimes.  It takes so much energy and effort though.  It feels like I am on that slippery slope and keep trying to get a toehold, but can't get anywhere and at times like last night when I completely fell apart, slide back down.  I will give it a rest though and stop whining about it all on here.
Posted 10/26/2010 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
No, Sun, this is your place to vent. Pls take my advice with a grain of salt. Trying to help in a sterner manner. Sorry if i was out of line.

What would you say to me if I told you the same situation? I think you would be kinder in how you talk to me than how you are talking to yourself.

Its understandable to fall apart from time to time, your situation is a hard one.
As a therapist, what would you say to a client who realizes they are sliding down the slippery slope, how to grab on and not tumble to the abyss? I don't know, only can think of not taking on more stress, avoiding toxic situations, ?

Wishing you a better tomorrow...
Posted 10/28/2010 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
TTU, you weren't out of line.  I need a lot of different voices, I am so stuck.  Everyone tells me I am too hard on myself - always have been - and am not kind in how I talk to myself.  You are right, I would be much kinder to you than the way I am being to me.  Hmmm, if I were a therapist dealing with me as a client, I would have to have a lot of patience, get to the grief underneath this all, and gently coax and reassure.  I think that is what my therapist is trying to do. 

I am trying not taking on any more stress and am avoiding toxic situations. I am extremely blessed not to have toxic situations to avoid - I mean all that is going on is toxic to my health right now, but I don't have toxic relationships nor a toxic work environment.  I had to go to a professional conference last weekend in order to get continuing education hours that I need to keep up state certification.  It was stressful as I saw colleagues whom I had not seen since I crashed and burned and lost my previous job where I was director of a center.  I felt ashamed, embarassed, and a lot of grief for the loss of a job and position I enjoyed.  My colleagues were kind and warm.  I was so anxious it was all I could do from leaving in the middle but I didn't and I am proud of myself for sticking it out.

I think we have found the house we are going to rent and it is only several blocks away which means we don't have to uproot kids.  Cute house, 2 year lease.  If papers get signed and all goes well, will be able to move in day after Thanksgiving.  So there is another step.  I just had this image: I am scared of heights.  If I have to be high up or walk or drive across a high bridge, I don't look down... I just keep my eye on what is immediately in front of me.   My problem is I keep looking at this whole big mess, getting terrified, and feeling like I am falling.   Looking at the whole big thing is like looking down.  Just can't do it.  I need to focus on where my footing is.

Whew, that's a lot.  Thanks for listening and responding TTU. :-)

Posted 10/28/2010 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Sounding significantly better tonight, Sun. Must be a relief finding that house so close, and knowing the date of departure. And not so hard on the kids either. How's the packing going? Can you go to someone elses's house for turkey day? Nice 3 day weekend to move, if thats what you have to do.
Posted 10/28/2010 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
Turns out that Tuesday I forgot to take my morning medicine.  I never do that, but boy was I a mess Tuesday night.  Packing... well, some cleaning out is continuing slowly.  My husband is going to take the week off when we move.  That's a relief.  Honestly, I am just taking little bites and it will be crazy that week, but I can only do what I can do and it will get done.  Somehow.  We go to my sister-in-laws for Thanksgiving, so that is a very good thing!  Thanks for your support.
Posted 10/28/2010 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
I'm feeling better about this situation you're in, and it isn't even happening to me. Guess because its all coming together. And your hubby will be around all week, Godsend !
At least you remembered that you forgot, and saw the disasterous result.
I remember that I forgot things too, and wonder ? how does THAT happen?
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