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Best friend upset with me...need some advice

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Posted 11/1/2010 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hey my best friend who Im really close with has just been diagonosed with Relationship OCD.  Basically she thinks that since Im pretty close to a friend I met in the hospital, who also has a mood disorder, that it means Im going to replace her/leave her and so on.  She feels that since she cant completely understand what I go through with bipolar disorder that Im never going to talk to her about how Im feeling ever again.  She gets really jealous when I even mention my other friends name and I have to spend a few hours reassuring her that she is my BEST friend and this other friend is just a NORMAL friend.  I dont mind trying to make her feel better but I feel awful that I make her so upset just because I say the name Christy in a sentence.  Theres no way that anyone is ever going to replace her but she seems to think that since shees not bipolar Im never going to confide in her again.  I also get a little upset because its kind of hard for me to make friends and I like having another friend and I dont find it fair that she can have tons of other friends but I cant.  Im not mad at her I just want to know something I could do to make her trust me more.  I tried posting this on a couple of OCD forums but no one is answering me so I just thought Id ask for some advice here.  Thanks a lot.

--Courtney

Posted 11/1/2010 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
I think your best friend is being very selfish. I guess you are supposed to never speak of another friend again. Ridiculous. You have reassured her, and spent alot of time on this. Now set the boundary. Move on. If she doesn't understand Bipolar, I wouldn't share that with her either. Why? She doesn't get it.
You deserve to have as many friends as you like and I am glad you know that. It seems that your best friend is somewhat manipulataive, controlling, and abusive. Just my take on it, I'm not there and don't mean to pass judgment, tho it probably sounds like I just did.
Take some deep breaths. Have a nice cold drink. Take a walk around the block if thats safe. Let it go. You did your best. Don't beat yourself up over it anymore.

I never heard of relationship OCD, are you sure she's on the level with that? Just never heard of it, and too tired to look it up. Fear of abandonment maybe.
Posted 11/1/2010 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
I know exactly how u feel about not being able to make friends. I have the same prob. My bff couldn't take my cycling and that I was not reliable to show up for things. She also is a very big drinker and I can not drink on my meds. I do miss her but I do not miss her naging and harping on me about not doing enough for her. It hurt alot to let go but I did. 

I do have to say it maybe time for u to let go aswell. U should not have to choose one friend over another. Keep writing and let us know what is going on we are here to help.

 

Posted 11/2/2010 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Your best friend is not being a best friend.  As TTU said, she is being controlling and manipulative.  I have never heard of relationship OCD either - I don't think that diagnosis exists.  Maybe she is obsessed over her relationship with you and that is what she is trying to say.  I would continue to be clear with her when it comes up, that you have other friends too, and that is not something she can control.  Don't argue with her about it - that is her way of hooking you - just find one or two sentences to say that clearly define that you are going to continue being friends with Christy and say no more than that. 
Posted 11/2/2010 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
Im pretty sure ROCD is real, only because her pdoc and her therapist diagnosed her as that.  She isnt as controlling as I made her out to be, she just becomes really insecure and gets really afraid that I will stop being her friend because I now know someone who has the same condition as me.  I have no inentions of leaving her but I just wish there was something I could tell her that would make her feel better so that the time we do have together doesnt have to suffer.  Thank you all for replying this is just really stressing me out and I dont know how to handle it 
Posted 11/2/2010 3:24 AM (GMT 0)
Reassure her that it is not the case. As time goes on and you have not dropped her, she will grow in trust. She should have other close friends as well. You can send her emails when you have been busy with other things and say "Hey BFF, missing you. How's it going?"

I googled "relationship OCD", and then went here: www.healthyplace.com/.../ocd-and-relationships
and found out that what your friend is saying is true, and this site very nicely explains what a friend needs to understand/do. I love this site, you can look up anything about mental health and it gives you suggestions for getting strong and helping yourself along as well as seeing your doc. Great place. I like the BP page, anxiety and depression, emotional intelligence. Hope you will like it too.

Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 11/1/2010 9:30:32 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 11/2/2010 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
Well, how about that.  Good to learn something new.  Well, at least she is aware enough of the problem to her pdoc and therapist about it - that indicates she is trying to get help.  After you wrote this second time, I just feel sad that she is so insecure and hope that you are able to find ways to reassure her that she is still important to you.
Posted 11/2/2010 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
Relationship OCD? Never heard of that, but I think a description of what I understand that to be is included in the diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder.

But ultimately doesn't matter. That's not a friend! It's a frenemy. Not good for you!

I'd ditch her in a hurry. AFTER you've cut out contact, write a polite firm letter saying your reason for cutting off the friendship and suggest she continue seeking professional help.

(All) Friendships ARE NOT meant to be for forever!
Posted 11/3/2010 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for all of the advice, it was really helpful, especially the link that Trying to Understand provided.  Thanks
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