HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

have shined my sink

Support Forums
>
Bipolar Disorder
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 11/2/2010 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Am on day 5 of the flylady's babysteps.  I am almost scared to write this as I am afraid that I will jinx it.  It is helping.  And my client load has gone up.  Those are good things.

OK, here goes the venting again:

I would like to have a day again where doing things comes easy, where I feel some joy, where everything does not require such effort.  I know others must struggle with this.  It makes me feel lazy and spoiled.  Why can't I just do chores without it being such a big deal.  Why can't I cook dinner without having to talk myself into it?  I continue to struggle with this and with all the negative messages that come up with it.

I buy lunch every weekday now, even though I can eat at home, because don't like to be at home alone.  I feel guilty about that, because realistically it is ridiculous - don't need to be spending that money, nor eating what I am eating, but sometimes it feels like the only way I can get through the day.  I feel like such a baby about things and even though I am 46, I keep saying to myself "This is not how I was brought up."  Things get done - just not like growing up when every chore had a day to be done, every thing had a place and was put away, we had 3 courses for breakfast, and meat, 2 vegetable and a salad for dinner (I manage meat and two vegetables).  Money was always tight, but not chaotic like our situation.  I feel so lacking.

I can't juggle like I use to either and I can't do all the things that others seem to.  For example, went to a family wedding this weekend and my brother took a bunch of pictures.  He has already organized and sent them out to everyone - I cannot get myself together to do something like that.  Just surviving and covering the basics is my goal.  Again, I feel lacking.

Is this all depression?  How do you know when it is depression versus some sort of character flaw? Maybe I am lazy, spoiled, etc.

But my sink is shiney! smilewinkgrin

Posted 11/2/2010 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
I am so very Proud of You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am right there with you trying to muddle through.
Posted 11/2/2010 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you MMMNAVY!  You made me smile!
Posted 11/2/2010 1:41 AM (GMT 0)
Sooooooooo glad your sink is shiny ! Taking initiative to follow the flylady's suggestions. Excellent !
New clients, hooray. Lunch out, oh so what. Its important that you get out alone too. If you are really upset about it, pack something and go to a park, is it cold there?
Your brother must have been super excited and involved in the wedding. Couldn't WAIT to get those pics together. Is he an over-achiever, no, only kidding. Apparently it was super important to him, and he didn't have anything to prevent him from doing it.
Life is different these days, our moms were mostly stay home moms and if they weren't they spun their wheels and did everything possible so that it didn't look like they let things slide because they worked, stigma. You saw it from a child's perspective too. Kids never see the mess, or the struggle to keep things going. Every meal seemed perfect. Didn't have much, but didn't know any different.
I got so tired from cooking, I gave it up for awhile. My husband was on that darn cardiac diet, and we had the same things over and over. Was so turned off by the chicken or turkey carcass in the fridge.yuck. Was lucky because he took over, and it turned out well because he was forced to figure out for himself what to buy, how to cook it. Unique situation.
You're being hard on yourself, the bottom line is struggle or not, you get it done. I think its the depression. Revieew in your mind how good things are going, what you've done.
You don't have a character flaw, silly, and aren't lazy or spoiled. After all, your sink is shiny !
Posted 11/2/2010 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
It could be just your down because you were diagnosed with Bipolar and  cant face having it.. we have all gone through this  facing Bipolar

hugs, Caren

Posted 11/2/2010 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
I do not think it is a charater flaw to want to be around other people. That is why I eat out a couple times a week.

I think things were different, and we certainly did not have as much stuff.
Posted 11/2/2010 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much for your responses.

Sandy - gosh, your encouragement is so nice.  I do think you are right about the generational thing with moms - my mom always reminds me when I get hard on myself of the things I have done and achieved that she didn't get to.  Still there is something to be said for a systematic approach to keeping house, and flylady so far is providing a nonoverwhelming way to begin to develop a better system.  Cooking for me is a way of caring for my family, but I am with you about the burn-out.  However, while the kids are home, providing balanced meals is so important.  Been ordering out too much in recent weeks because of struggling.  Hope I can reverse that - have to.

Sandy and MMMNAVY thank you both about the encouraging me not to sweat the lunch thing so much.  Maybe if I am graceful to myself about that, it will stop being such a hot issue and I won't feel as driven to do it so much.  I also think the more home feels straight the more I will want to be at home - ironic since we are going to be moving.  Hope I can keep flylady going even during the move.

Caren, I have thought a lot about what you wrote.  I don't know.  I guess one faces it on many levels.  I have faced it on the medicine level, although it really bums me out.  Yes, I think that I still am really struggling facing it and I don't know what it really means to face it - what am I accepting as part of myself?  What new limitations do I have to accept.  I don't know these things.  Facing saying that I have bipolar disorder is hard and feels unreal sometimes. 

Posted 11/2/2010 10:32 PM (GMT 0)
Sun,

We struggle with meals a lot too. I almost always cook. Except when I'm in a mood. And I don't buy the sorts of things my fiance would prepare for himself, so it's stress on him. My solution was to prepare and freeze pizza crusts. It doesn't take any more time to top them than it takes to preheat the oven. And the cook time is about 18 minutes for a DiGiorno-like pizza.

Thanks for posting this thread and reminding me of FlyLady. I did shine my sink while I was cleaning today. :)
Posted 11/3/2010 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks, Tortoise.  I actually am quite amazed at what a difference doing the shiny sink makes.  We get the kitchen cleaned up after meals and generally wiped down, but I never intentionally made sure the sink was shiny like this.  It changes the way I deal with the whole kitchen - countertops are much cleaner.  And it does jumpstart then taking the other small steps because it is so easy. 

I do try to keep around easy to fix meals for when I am in too much a funk to do anything.  SOmetimes I am in too much a funk to do those.  This week is better. 

Posted 11/7/2010 2:18 PM (GMT 0)
Sun,
How's it going on the Fly lady program? You must be motoring along so fast you haven't had time to post much, ha ha. Hope things are good as you approach the move.
Is your sink shiny?
I'm going to look up the fly lady system again. Need it. Just revieewing the "old news" and see, you helped me here. Thanks.
Posted 11/8/2010 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks again. :)

I had some minor mood swings this past week while my fiance was gone on vacation. I had done a decent job keeping up - vacuuming, cleaning carpets, dusting, etc. But I sort of fell apart at the end of the week.

I drove down to see him for the weekend and then came home early. I was supposed to go to bed since I get up at 3:30 in the morning for work! But I was anxious about the house (kitchen) being messy and laundry 1/2 done, so I started working on it.

I remembered the FlyLady 15 minute rule. I did set a timer for 15 minutes and worked in each space for 15 minutes. (Plus a neighbor came over and chatted while I was folding laundry. That helped it go much more quickly!)

I ended up getting the big stuff done before he got home.

I did "shine my sink" by wiping off the bathroom vanity and getting my work clothes ready for tomorrow morning/this week. My fiance is a light sleeper, so I hung a clothesrod in the bathroom closet and keep my work clothes in there so I don't rustle through my closet in the morning and wake him up all the way.

What else do you guys do to "shine your sink"? IS it actually your sink, or something else?
Posted 11/8/2010 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I try to keep my bathroom shined, and ready for efficiency hygiene, when the mood strikes me.
Keep a folded thin wash cloth on the vanity, and when I splash water getting ready, then dry it all off, leave it wet side up so it will dry.
Keep scrubbing bubbles and windex and paper towels in there. And a sponge with rough scrub side
Try and keep my face out of the mirror when brushing teeth/flossing. Really don't need to watch.
After washing hands with liq soap, give the faucet a quick swipe with my thumb to remove dry water spots.
When bad: Spray sink, faucets with bubbles. Spray tub bottom and ledge with bubbles prior to getting in. Get in, take that sponge, Do a quick pass with that scrubber. Squeeze, toss it out onto the rug. When I am "out", use the paper towels on the steamy mirror. Keep that towel to damp dust top of commode, might even hit the ceramic part by the seat. Swish the sponge around the sink and faucets, put under running water, squeeze that over the top of the faucets flooding the area. Squeeze dry, toss under vanity. And consider that having done the BIG job.

Hate the toilet, spray the surface of the water with bubbles on occasion. Can never get that GD safety cap open on the toilet bowl cleaner. Use cleanser, keep it on floor behind toilet with the brush.
Hint: bubbles will prevent mildew.

And I am SO lazy. Get undressed sitting down in there. Do a fold showering, doing laundry. Toss panties, bras on a pile next to that pile, later put into a mesh bag so that when I wash them, they will all be together and not need to be folded, clear a big spot in the drawer, one side, just dump into drawer. Mesh bags (from dollar store) good for those things you want to hang but somehow don't "find" and get in the dryer and wrinkle. might need 2 bags to balance the load. Still have to hang them, but at least they are rounded up. Some times have the presence of mind to take the hangers to the laundry room and that helps me get them hung.

Back to undressing, do a roll/fold of my night gown and place it on the scale. Right there for bedtime. Have 10 nightgowns got on clearance at Walmart. Wash them all at once. Quick roll/fold clean pile in bathroom closet shelf.
Have the luxury of not sharing this bathroom, so keep my necessities on top, CeraVe moisturizer (Walmart, derm recommended), aloe for my burning eye orbits, tears, for my dry eyes, deoderent, spray cologne. If it isn't right there, cannot be bothered with using them. Makes a neat little collection, have learned to buy things that are not obnoxious colors, and sort of match.

This is on a good day, or a normal energy day. Not everyday, and not when I can't even pick up the toothbrush.
But it does keep things pretty well in between energy spurts.
Posted 11/8/2010 4:47 PM (GMT 0)
I'm a huge believer of small steps to great success. your sink is shiny, great. that was one positive step in your walk of life. good job and keep it up.
Posted 11/8/2010 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
Bill, AKA "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade""
How's it goin guy? Start a thread, would love to hear how you are doing.
I have been gathering lemons here in So CA, free ones, and making lemon zest, juice, lemon curd, cleaning with lemons, and the works, ha ha.
Glad to hear you are still around.
Posted 11/8/2010 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for checking in on me.  I have been on here less because of being distracted by upcoming move.  Less than 3 weeks!  I have been doing Flylady - on day 11 or 12?  But getting bogged down some with remembering to look at control journal.  I am going to try to keep doing this through the move, but some things won't apply for the moment.  I think that it will be important to keep to the minimum routine though, so I won't lose it.  The 2 minute hot spot thing helps.  The 15 minute decluttering... well I am replacing that with packing!  She has tips for moving... I need a minute by minute instruction manual just to help with the anxiety and the overwhelmed feelings.  I am working on sorting books now - we have so many books and some are so old. 
Posted 11/9/2010 2:23 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your response and encouragement, Bill.  When faced with overwhelming circumstances, I find it easy to lose faith in the power of small steps, but I do think that is when focusing on taking small steps can be most important.
Posted 11/16/2010 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
Small steps. I was so overwhelmed yesterday. My fiance took us out to eat. When we got home, I knew I would be overwhelmed all over again, so I set a timer for 15 minutes and cleaned. This morning I did another 15 minutes and it's almost done.

I don't agree with a lot of the FlyLady stuff - like getting dressed to shoes with laces. We don't wear shoes inside. And I don't wear pajamas, so even to get dressed in pajamas, I'm still doing something to take care of myself. Today I'm cozy in my jammies, BUT I did get up right away, get dressed, take care of myself and start our morning thing.
Posted 11/17/2010 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Tort, I have different shoes for inside and outside.
Posted 11/17/2010 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not doing so hot today. Did good for a little while. Did the 15 minutes thing. A couple things off my list. Just feeling all-round depressed this afternoon. Maybe because of the weather. And being frustrated. And my morning being all screwed up because my fiance was HOME. (I hate that, it totally cramps my style.)

I talked to the lady at the disability office and I'm feeling like crap because of it. I think my parts of the application is done and now I wait for a few months to see if I'll get it. :( I HATE waiting.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply