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Posted 11/18/2010 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
Is it me or is it harder for bipolars to make friends???? I met a person and she says that she is my friend. We have been talking and hanging out for about 2 weeks now. But am I the only one that feels that we should talk everyday and or respond to e-mails?

This is driving me crazy I think I feel this way because it is not often that I meet someone that I can stand to be friends with. I have a problem with most people they do or say something that makes me mad and I just walk away. This person has done nothing wrong when we hang out and I don't want to tell her to go to hell. I just feel that she should answer emails even if she does or dosent want to talk to me.

What are some of your experiences have u had?  I would like to know if this is something u all have been through or something simular.

SLZ

Posted 11/18/2010 1:56 AM (GMT 0)
When you are disabled, work less, socialize primarily online, or any number of things, it can be hard to remember that other people might not check their email every day. (I check mine...hourly?!)

Good boundaries make good friends. I remember you were having boundary issues in other areas of your life. Time delay is a way to set boundaries. I'm working on a friendship with a neighbor. We'll do stuff 2 - 3 days in a row and then not for a while. It averages out to about once a week. We both need to be able to say NO, I'm not OK to talk right now. (Rather than phone or email, we'll walk over to the other's house. We are 2 houses away.)

I'm not sure this is really a bipolar thing. It might be a just-you thing. Sounds a little bit like a borderline personality trait. Also like having a lifetime of no boundaries thing?
Posted 11/18/2010 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
I think tortoise is right, it's more of a borderline personality thing, it's one of the major things I suffer with honestly. I do it to my boyfriend all the time, it's almost as if you need constant reassurance that the friendship is still there, or the relationship is still there and that the person hasn't magically changed their minds. I'd say it'll get better, but I think that something that runs that deep need a lot of therapy to help you work through it and move past it. It's stressful to deal with, talk to your therapist about it, they mat be able to give you some good insight.
Posted 11/18/2010 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys! I am thinking because I have not had a friend in a while I do not know how to act. My last real close friend and I talked on the phone everyday. We would see each other almost every day. I just need to relax and wait for her to come to me now. I have written and and called. I just have to wait untill she is ready to talk again. If anyone else has a had a similar exp. please write. I am borderline personality but thought bipolars had a hard time makeing and keeping friends.

SLZ
Posted 11/18/2010 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
You're right about bipolars having hard time keeping friends. But it's more like looking like a flake, cancelling plans, or showing up and being wierdly moody. Like I rescheduled meeting a friend FOUR times in a row because I was having mood problems. Thankfully, she is a fab friend and knows exactly what is going on.
Posted 11/18/2010 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
Never saw the differance or even thought about it. I do cancl plans and act real moody with some people and so they walk away from the friendship. This is different. I fell anxious just at the thought she may not like me anymore and is avoiding me but in the real world she may need space or is just not into going out riaght now. Oh this is so confussing.

SLZ

Posted 11/18/2010 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
Yup. bipolar + borderline is such a FUN combination! :sarcasm:
Posted 11/18/2010 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Haha so true tortoise! But we have to learn to deal with it and relationships, of any kind, is the worst when it comes to this lovely combo.
Posted 11/19/2010 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
I am so mad at myself!! I can't stop thinking that I did something wrong. I know this is all in my head and if she doesent want to be friends her loss. Why can i not stop thinking about it. eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Has anyone felt this way is it bpd? I also feel anxious. This is enough for me to start smoking again.
Posted 11/19/2010 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
slz,

this issue is a really good one to work on in therapy.  you may already be in therapy, but if not I would suggest weekly therapy.  Developing a strong relationship with a skilled therapist can really help you begin to sort through some of the boundary issues and the need you have to be in such close contact - the therapy stirs up the emotions in a place where you can process them safely.  Don't be so hard on yourself about this.  I imagine you are feeling abandoned.  None of us like to feel that way, and if you have borderline personality disorder it is particularly hard and painful.  Be patient. Your friend may be back in contact.  If not see this whole thing as something to help you gain more insight.  It may be that you have some compulsive behavior going on also that would be good to talk with your pdoc about.  Some medications can help with that.  I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.

Sun

Posted 11/19/2010 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
slz - one tool that makes boundary setting easier is having a wider support system. For example, if one friend pulls away you could go see another friend, or got to a class, a live music night, a movie, something else. You need the support, but they need to have the freedom to say no. And you need to put yourself in a situation where you can accept the no's and move on.

Good luck!
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