HEARTBROKEN...!!!

I wish I could I say I can totally understand, but I don't have kids. However, I can definitely say I almost started crying reading your post, and I just can't imagine going through that. I'm 24 and engaged and have been wanting kids very badly for about a year now. My friend just had a baby, and I get so jealous sometimes. He's the most adorable little thing I've ever seen in my life. I cry a lot because right now is not the best time to have kids. But what i can tell you is that you are stabilized for the most part (correct?) and I don't blame you for being depressed about your kids and the custody situation. I know that if I had a child, and that child cried to me that they needed me, I would probably fall apart too. But, for the moment, you do not have the space to take in your kids, so I would work on continuing to better your mental health (pills, therapy, whatever you're doing) and then work on getting a house at an appropriate time. Your kids seem to be starving for attention and you want to provide that; I understand. But if the courts don't think you can properly take care of them (either too small of an apartment or whatever), then you're going to lose and go through the heartbreak all over again. Do you have a game plan for getting a house? For instance, I have to make X amount more money, or I have to be approved for a loan, or I have to get a better job (or a job period), etc. I think that's the first place to start - see if it's even feasible to get a house. And if it is, then do everything you can to get it and then file for custody. If it's not feasible right now, then find out why. For instance, I can't get the necessary loan because of x,y,z and then take steps to correct that. Or, I need to find a better paying job, etc. I would do 1 small step at a time. There's some things you can't control, and let's face it, courts are a little irritating (I'm being nice) to deal with. Also, social workers might be involved to discover which living situation is the best for the kids. But, if you *ever* suspect abuse, you *need* to report it to the Department of Children and Family Services. Don't lie though (had to say it just in case), and maybe you can work out a situation with the courts where you could see your kids more often? Oh, and if you do manage to get a house, there is no reason why the courts wouldn't give you custody back (unless they think you are still emotionally unstable), but I think if you have a therapist or something, can't your therapist speak up for you? I'm not sure how that works. Anyway, take it 1 day at a time. Two things to remember: Eventually, things will work out and at least you know that your kids unconditionally love you no matter what. I hope everything works out. Please let us know! I'm thinking of you!

unfortunatly in your situation i dought you will get custody of your kids, but take heart in this kids cry for the parent they see the least its just the way it is. my wifes husband spends no time with kids and when he does get them he dropps them off with his mom. It never fails when he dropps them off they cry to be with dad breaks moms heart because she thinks they dont want to be with her. they do, just miss there dad

SoSickAndTired said...
The only thing keeping us from getting a house is a $600 bill on my fiancee's credit... My fiancee gets social security and its enough to take care of all of us, but I'm still going to school (although I took this semester off) and... My fiancee's aunt is a member of our city's school board, so she got me a job at a nearby middle school making more money then my ex husband does lol... My final interview is tuesday, but its a shoe-in job.
So, we decided, as soon as we know for sure I got the job (in 2 days, after the interview), then we'll pay off the $600 bill (we already have more then that saved anyway)... And once that's paid off, loan for a house... We could have it all done in a month or 2... We started looking at houses over the summer and were about to buy one, but someone kept over-bidding us... That's happened on 2 of the houses that I really wanted... Out here where we live, our city taxes are very high to own a home, so there's a lot of beautiful forclosed homes for under $10,000 (at one point, we had that much in the bank)... And the same aunt that's on the school board, is also best friends with our major, so she told us about 12 different houses that are under $4,000... N they're not on the market yet, so if we could just hurry with this loan, we could just pay cash n not have to bid on it.
As far as my kids are concerned, I'll for sure be granted custody when I go to court! I'm stable now, and I started treatment in october (after losing custody in august)... But they still see me all the time coz their dad don't really want custody, he just wanted to hurt me and control me by using the kids as pawns. My son's school has called me numerous times sayin he didn't show up to pick him up, and on a day my son was sick and needed to be picked up, of course they couldn't get ahold of "daddy"... They've called me 4-5 times like that!!! Also, when we went to court yesterday, they interviewed my son (who is 5) and he told the truth, and unfortunately, my truth was that I (at that time) was in the middle of a mental breakdown. But yesterday when he was crying for me to take him, he whispered in my ear "I'll tell the courts I want to live with you now!"
It'll all work out the way I want it to... I'm just impatient!!! In the mean time, I take them pretty much every weekend and all the school breaks (and my court appointed time is only every other weekend, but I take them way more then that). I just can't wait to have them back full time!!!

 

Being in the middle of a divorce myself, the best thing I could tell you is if you can afford it, get a good lawyer.

Leaving things in the court's hands can be tricky especially when you might have been considered an unfit parent.

I'm not saying you are, unfortunately kids get bounced around in this situations and that's sad and you will have

to always deal with your husband because of the kids but if you have custody you should get child support.

Just enjoy the time you have with them and in time things should work out.

MY HEALING PRAYERS 2 YOU AND YOUR KIDS. JAMIE

SST,

My heart goes out to you. More times than not the courts see a very narrow version of reality. I know it is hard to hear your kids beg for you, but let that motivate you to always do the right thing, follow the courts instructions to the letter and hopefully their custody will swing your way. If your ex is that neglectful, it will come out, just bide your time. Thoughts are with you from one mother to another.

Gem