Alcoholic mom causing me to cycle

Im 19 years old and in college but I still live at home.  I go to school all day and arent really home until around 5 each noght but this is also the time my mom gets off work.

Shes been an alcoholic for alomst 6 years now.  It seems like whenever shes drunk Im her target.  She used to hit me until I was old enought to stand up to her and push her back.  She doesnt physically come at me anymore but she yells and screams and pesters me all the time.  And if shes not yelling at me shes following me around telling me how much she loves me and how she wants me to open up to her and tell her whats bothering me.  So shes either at one extreme or the other.

I dont want to talk to her and I never do unless its absolutely necessary but she wont leave me alone.  She doesnt do this to my brother...just to me.  And lately its been causing me to cycle pretty hard.  For a week Ill be manic and then for two weeks after that Ill be suicidal and then back to manic and so on.  Nothing really bad is happening in my life right now except for her and so Ive come to the conclusion that shes helping to cause it.

I cant move out because I dont have enough money and I dont want to leave my brother alone with her.  I stay at friends houses a lot but I still have to come home.

I was just wondering if there was any advice someone could give me as to how I could better control my moods.  My doctor has put me on higher doses of both Lamictal and Geodon but it doesnt seem to stop my moods form being influenced by her.  Any advice on what I could do to make her stop following me around would also be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Courtney

Dear Courtney,

I agree with Jameson about communication but, having grown up with an alcoholic mother also know that it can be nearly impossible to reach through the booze to the person. If you can find a time that she's not drinking or drunk, that's the time to try.

I really admire you for and know how difficult is to stay for your brother. He needs you but you also need yourself to be healthy. Try to talk to her as many times as you can but if it doesn't pan out don't let it drag you down.

My mother was a drunk from the time I was 5 till I was 18, so I can relate. The one thing that saved me and brought me some kind of understanding and helped restore my self-worth was Adult Children of Alcoholics. This is group therapy based on the 12 steps of AA and there are groups all around the world - usually several in any given city. They can be located through your local Health Department, your doctor or your local library.

I highly recommend you utilize this resource. It is 100% anonymous, judgement free and voluntary. You only attend and/or speak if and when you like, although the program works best if you can at least attend with some regularity.

I wish this was no longer a problem for anyone and my heart truly goes out to you. Try to help yourself Courtney and you will find others that will help you.

Please keep in touch. If ever you wish to chat please feel free to contact me via email or on here.

Take life one day at a time, love yourself and love your brother.

Wishing you serenity,
Brian

"I may not be perfect but in all the world there's no one better at being me than Me"

Courtney,

you are very welcome. It was and still is very helpful to me. I hope you find it so.

Brian