Wife to a Bipolar Husband..just separated

Hi, I am 34 yrs old married to a bipolar husband for 9 yrs now (diagnosed 2 yrs ago). We have 4 children which 3 have disabilites & 2 had major surgeries at only 6 months old. about to 2 weeks ago my husband has been feeling with mix feelings towards me & our marriage, he stared sleeping on the couch. He is currently retired since he is unable to work(he took early retirement). He childhood story is very long.

He hasn't seen or heard of his mom & family for 9 yrs. His mom had him when she was only 15yrs old. He was raised by his mom's adopted father until the age of 8 yrs old. (his mom was adopted by a couple then her adopted mom died so she was left with her adopted father). My husband doesn't know who his biological father is.

Well long story short. His mom called this passed Friday. All of a sudden my husband packed his clothes and left to her house 5 hours away from us. He promised me he was coming back on Sunday. Well it's Tuesday & of coarse he is not back. Now he says he wants a divorce. I said WHAT THE H*LL! I have been his cargiver for 2 yrs. Taking care of all his crap! putting up with all his behaviors. Having to put him in hospitals because he is suicidal. I have completing lost myself. The last three yrs I have gone through 2 major surgeries that my babies had to have and him getting sick.

I am his 3rd marriage he has 2 children (1 from each previous marriages) which he all of a sudden also walked out & never looked back. He has never had a relationship with his other children. I feel he is doing the same thing to me & our children. Walking away! Now he wants to contact those children & form a relationship. He says he wants to be a father but not a husband.

I suffer depression & panic attacks because of what he has put me through. I know he has a awful illness But i also can't no longer tolerate his behavior. He emptied our bank account & left me with nothing, not even for the babies diapers. I am stay at home mom so I don't have an income.

 He does call me to know about the kids. At first I will get his calls, but since yesterday I have not respond to any of his calls. I am sick & tired of all this! My heart is broken mostly for my children, but we don't deserve this. We have had a great marriage until Bipolar came into our lives. Please any advise will help.

Thank you for letting me vent.

By the way he is taking all his meds & he goes to therapy every 2 weeks. He is a Veteran as well.

M:

I'm heartbroken to hear of your struggle. you said your husband takes his meds & attends therapy, but I don't think it's helping (or maybe he'd be worse without them). Like Gem says, you have to take care of yourself & your kids 1st. Your husband is totally responsible for his own behavior & choices despite his bipolar. I've probably been bipolar for at least 15 yrs (only diagosed 11 months ago). I can tell you being bipolar myself that we do have a degree of self choice and decision making ability during our manic episodes. The bipolar makes it so easy (compels us) to lash out & make destructive choices. But beneath it all, there is still a choice we freely make.
I would really seek outside counsel (maybe even legal advice). Some lawyers do provide 30 mins of free legal counsel. You need to find what your options are. Do you have family or a close friend you can turn to?
Given your husbands past troubled marriages and estrangement from his kids, I would really see this as a huge waving red flag that you shouldn't ignore. Ask yourself "is staying with him worth the potential damage to myself and my children?"
If your answer is no, seriously consider leaving him or at least getting separated. Look for support groups for women & children. Keep us posted.